In Gaia and In Denial
by NewtThatGotBetter
Summary: Old story left here for nostalgias sake 8D
1. Evil Killer Government Crow

Welcome one and all to the horrific horror that is my first self insert - In Gaia and In Denial (IGID

Welcome one and all to the horrific horror that is my first self insert - In Gaia and In Denial (IGID.. lol). I've wanted to write an SI for quite some time, and the wonderful SIs here inspired me enough to get off my lazy arse and do something.  
Rated for my tendency to swear and upcoming violence. I own zilch but meself.

Chapter one - Evil Killer Government Crow

It was Saturday morning, a morning that should have been spent watching Saturday morning cartoons. Unfortunately for me I had work, so I had to leave before anything decent came on. Thus I was stuck with Peppa Pig, Boohbah and other such budget atrocities. So I stared unseeingly at the news, shoving porridge down my throat and guzzling copious amounts of tea.

…_and now we turn to our meteorologist correspondent Aron McHausen. Aron, speculation in the newspapers and other media conclude that this irregular fog, like the flood that occurred preciously this year, is the fault of global warming. Can you shed any light on the matter?…_

I was ready to zone out again at a moments notice. I was fed up of everything being pinned on global warming. Floods? Global warming is what did it, nothing to do with the fact we've cemented over everything.

Over the past week or so the east of England had been visited by strange patches of fog, which could come and go within seconds, or more recently last a good hour. It appeared regardless of weather and rumour had it that several disappearances had been linked to it, whatever that means.

…_I'm afraid there is little to say Carol. As a result of research the fog is not related to global warming nor in fact a natural occurrence of nature. We have been lucky enough to procure a sample of the fog, and while careful testing has proved inconclusive, we can definitely say it is not fog. That is to say, dense water vapour…_

After that the news presenter just addled him for more information with criticisms. Nothing was mentioned on the disappearances, which is peculiar because it was splashed all over the newspapers, 'Mysterious Fog Claims Another Victim' and such the like, sadly they had no explanation for it either.

"Daisy? Are you ready to go?" My mum called from the next room.

"Yeah yeah give us a sec!" I called back, gulping down the rest of my tea. I grabbed my handbag from beside me and headed for the front door. Along the way I passed a mirror, and being the vain sod I am, I had to do a brief bit of preening. I shifted my fringe around a bit and fluffed up the rest of my short brown hair. My glasses as usual were slightly wonky, not much but enough to be infuriating. I mangled them for a second before-

"Hurry up! Do you want to be late for work?"

I almost answered yes and rather not go at all, but I needed the money. A girl needed her computer games y'know, and all the art stuff I'd need when starting college. So – damn – expensive.

Dejectedly I followed mum to the car and hopped in. Not that there was anything particularly wrong with work (I worked in a store) it was just so boring! If it wasn't the tedious stacking of shelves, then it was the idiot customers. You see there was this one time… I had better stop there because I had an entire novels' worth of idiot customer stories.

I buckled in and switched on the radio as we backed out the gate, and soon enough we're driving towards what was bound to be a full working day of _boring_.

The journey was uneventful for a few minutes. I didn't even blink as the car drove into thick mist. That's the way I was, I noticed silly little details but glazed over the glaringly obvious. One plus one equals inconclusive. I just gazed out the window dully replying to mum's nattering and moaning, mostly about my (supposed) disgrace of a room.

CRACK!!

"Oh what -!!"

Something large and feathery smashed into the front window, causing mum to swerve. We bumped over something then tilted down, thudding into dirt abruptly causing us to jarr forwards painfully. Inevitably, we'd ended up in a ditch. It was just as well we were on a quiet country road.

"Ow… frick…" I muttered unbuckling myself and finally remembering to breath.

"You alright Daisy?" my Mum asked worriedly.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just a bit freaked out," I replied, surprised at how out of breath I sounded. We both climbed awkwardly out the car and stepped up to the bonnet to inspect what caused us to crash.

Well what else is going to be huge and feathery? It was a bird. Certainly nothing native, it being about the size of a vulture and looking something like a crow.

"Stupid bloody thing," I said pulling at a wing, it had killed itself from the collision. Though it looked like a crow on steroids, it was very much different. It had a white chest and bright plumage of red and yellow on its head and tail feathers. Its feathers were fairly bulshy as opposed to sleek, which I thought was odd as it looked like it needed all the help it could get getting off the ground.

"I wonder what it is," Mum mused examining it for herself. "Fred'll know. We'll take it back for him to look at. I'll give Tim a ring and get him to tow us to the garage, you better phone work."

"Yeah, sure," I said, trying not to sound too joyous. No work for meeee! I took my phone out my pocket and checked the screen. The signal was leaping up and down like haywire.

"I'm just going to walk down the road a bit," Mum said shaking her phone at me appearing to have the same problem. "Stay with the car."

I nodded a yes and turned back to car to have a poke at the bird. I know, I was poking dead things. When you have an animal expert for a brother who collects bones, dried bugs and formaldehydes the odd dead creature it becomes second nature. Poking things that is not formaldehyding them.

I reached out to pull back an eyelid, revealing a startlingly red eye.

That moved to look right at me.

I yelped and jumped back startled; it must have been just stunned. It lifted its head and eyed me viscously as though it wanted to peck my eyes out for being so insolent. Yet this small movement seemed to drain it of energy and it sank back onto the bonnet. Except it kept sinking, it was deflating. Its body was evaporating into mist, and barely a second later there was only the crack in the glass to suggest its presence.

"…Okay what the fiddle??" I said, completely and utterly bewildered at the previous events. I didn't do anything for a couple of minutes as I stared at the spot the bird previously inhabited, trying uselessly to process what just happened. Then my Mum returned.

"I can't get any sort of signal on this," she said as she walked up, prodding her phone. "I don't suppose you got anywhere with.. where's the bird?"

"Um, I don't know."

"Don't 'I don't know' me, you must have done something with it."

"Uhh," I started, wildly trying to think of something that would sound plausible. Normally I can lie fairly alright, not something to boast about, but around my Mum my lies just melted into gunk. "It um, it evaporated?"

"Don't play silly-buggers with me. Did you chuck it away?" She started having a prod in the hedgerows.

"You know I can't throw to save my life, let alone that huge thing."

"So what did you do with it," she demanded getting cross.

"I haven't done anything with it! … Maybe a fox got it while I wasn't looking?" I gave as a hopeful explanation.

"I doubt a fox made off it with Daisy. It's too big for starters."

"Well remember when Kevin brought in that pheasant?"

"It was half dead and sickly."

"And what d'you think the bird on the bonnet was?"

Mum was about to reply then stopped and just stared. I looked behind me to see what she was staring at, but there was nothing of interest there.

"Look at the fog," she said quietly.

I paid attention to the fog, which was disappearing rather rapidly. Like it was being sucked away down a drain hole. It swirled away towards a central point some way down the road, faster and faster until a final 'pop'. The way was clear, the birds started singing again, and my phone's signal had lost its bouncy ball disease.

Neither Mum nor I said anything about the spaz-tardingly freaky events that occurred. I finally managed to call work and say that my mode of transportation was temporarily hindered, and my Dad towed us off to the garage he worked at. Later on that day I quizzed Fred about the bird, and after delving into his many animal encyclopedia's we couldn't find anything that properly matched its description.

I did tell him about the evaporating thing though. He came to the conclusion that it was a government conspiracy inspired by The Birds or something. Evil mutated killer birds were sent on missions; and if they are killed they disappeared and left no evidence to be traced back on. Of course I was government enemy number one.

Well, at least he believed me.

After that I took a much greater interest on what they had to say on the news about the whole thing. Nothing new ever came up, and over several more days general mentions of it were fading from the spotlight because of lack of information. Two more people vanished over that time, but it was mentioned only briefly, which I figured must be awfully frustrating for their families.

Eventually all mentions of the fog vanished from the media, along with my interest in the matter. I also got the impression that the appearance of the fog itself had finally died down.

About six days after the fog incident I was struggling under a ton of clean laundry, which I had been ordered to hang out. I get a day and the house to myself, and I get piled with all the housework. 'I will not allow you to laze about the house all day' Mum had said, not that she ever let me laze about anyway but what can you do.

I tottered outside and trod on something soft, followed by a screeching hiss. I looked around and saw Kevin, our cat, glaring up at me… whoops. I put the basket down and stroked Kevin's head.

"Sorry Kevin-pops," I murmured in the voice reserved for animals and babies, "Ooh yes you are a fluff aren'tcha? Yes you are a fluffy Kevin-pop!"

He purred his appreciation, which I'm sure he wouldn't be doing if he knew what ridiculous things I was saying to him. I moved my hand to scratch under his chin when he suddenly leaped back and hissed louder than before, his tail fur standing up on end and he was baring his teeth.

"What's up Kevin-cat? Last time I checked you _liked _being scratched under your chin…"

But then I noticed his fury wasn't directed at me some but some way off behind me. I twisted round expecting to see the neighbour's cat or something, but instead saw government killer crow, accompanied by slowly spreading mist.

Kevin darted off as the mist came his way, but I was caught in the red gaze of the huge flapping crow. It seemed a heck of a lot more scary now it was alive. Oh my God I WAS a government enemy! I didn't even get a chance to blow anything up!

Without any warning killer crow dived at my face, and I threw my arms up expecting heavy pecking and pain moments later. A moment passed. And another. It must have been at least a minute before I peeked cautiously through my arms. Killer crow was still there all right, its beak wide open and its talons mere inches from me, but it was like someone had pressed the pause button on it, and on the mist as well.

I took a step back when the crow started moving again. It was trying to flap forwards albeit slowly, except it was being pulled backwards. In fact the mist was reversing back from wherever it had come from, and I was being dragged in with it! Hoeshit hoeshit hoeshit! I tripped but continued to skid along the hard floor as I scrabbled for something to hold onto, but there was nothing. Just dirt and gravel. A yell escaped from my throat for no one to hear as I was yanked backwards to the unknown.

Sadly there was no convenient blacking out, which would have made things a lot less painful on my part. I suppose I hit my head so much anyway I'd gotten used to it. Never the less I was slammed onto my back and I hit my head hard, causing ringing in my ears and stars to swim in front my eyes. I vaguely heard an 'oi!' behind me but was too dazed to think about replying. Footsteps approached and a middle-aged face blocked my vision.

"Dyaah!" I yelled, automatically kicking out, bad habit on my part. Confused or unsure how to react? Violence is the answer!

My feet contacted nothing however so that was just as well.

"Hwoah there missy calm down, looks like you've had a pretty nasty bump on the head there. Are you alright?"

I rubbed my eyes then felt the back of my head, no blood there so not too much damage done… I hoped. I took a brief look round the room; I appeared to be in a pub of some description. There were only two other people there apart from the blonde barman in front of me. There was a guy in red slouched dismally on a bar stool, and a girl who was busying about getting everything perfect.

Of course I didn't really care about any of this. One minute I was outside my house, the next thing I was in a pub that wouldn't have looked out of place a couple of centuries ago. If my brain hadn't been reassuring me that there was a more than logical explanation behind all this I probably would have freaked out and run screaming out the door.

"I'll live I'm sure. What happened? Where am I? Oh my frickin' head…" I moaned clutching my head, which had begun to throb painfully.

"Well," said the barman scratching his chin, "I didn't see you come in, but you must have slipped and bumped your head. I told Maggie to make sure the floor was dry..."

"Oh shush Ashley! You know I made sure!" said Maggie indignantly, who was now wiping a table.

"…And this is the Morning Star Bar," he continued ignoring her, "didn't you see the sign on your way in?"

"Uhh, right. Mustn't have been paying attention. And where is this pub?" I asked. I knew the pubs and bars around my home, and none were called the Morning Star Bar. He just looked at me funny.

"You sure you're alright? Knock on the head must have addled your brains a bit eh? We're in Alexandria."

I blinked, not remotely recognising the name. Sounded foreign to me, oh please don't let me be in another country.

"And what country's that in then?"

"Country?" Ashley frowned. "This is a city, we're not out in the country you know."

"No that's not what I meant. I mean like, England, France, the North Pole, whatever!"

Judging by Ashley's expression he had no idea what I was talking about. Maggie, who had been wiping the same table for several minutes, obviously listening in, had the same blank, slightly confused look on her face. I couldn't see the guy in red, but I think he somewhat preoccupied with his drink judging by the hiccups.

"Aaahh, you know what? Never mind. Bump to the noggin' and all, I'm sure I'll be all right in a few minutes. I'm just gonna go get some fresh air."

They seemed to take that as a valid excuse for my 'crazy talk' and even showed me to the door in case I'd gone so mad I'd try and walk through the wall. Well maybe not, but I know they were thinking it.

Outside was rife with activity and swarms of people meandered past chatting in excited voices and all heading in the same direction. People of all ages and social status, and some that weren't even people at all. They were like anthropomorphs except, not pretty and young and making out… I wonder what the event was. More importantly I needed to get to a payphone and try to figure out what the heck was going on.

A cynical voice at the back of my mind was groaning about how incredibly unlikely the possibility of a phone was, let alone the chances of reaching anybody on it. How blindingly obvious it was that I was no longer in England, and probably not even on Earth; like in those computer games I always played. There was also the very likely chance I would never see anyone I knew or loved ever again and that I was trapped in this place forever and that I would die here and they would never know what happened to me.

I ignored that little piece of my mind however as I so often did. If I thought about those things I would probably crack, and I simply did not want to face the gravity of the situation. Besides, if it as like my computer games someone would pop along and explain the whole situation to me it turning out that I was the only one who could save this world and after that I could quite easily go home.

Wishful thinking I know. Ignoring the reality wasn't healthy, but I really couldn't face it right then.

"Uh, excuse me? Is there a payphone near here?" I asked the nearest passer-by, once again a confused expression.

"A what sorry?"

"A payphone, You know, dial in the number and ring someone else? No? Never mind then."

She gave me a fleeting nervous grin then made fast in the opposite direction. Charming. So I asked the next guy, whom looking rich, might possibly have a modicum of common knowledge.

"'Scuse me? Do you know if there's a payphone near here? Phone box or whatever?"

"The urchins are getting more peculiar by the day," commented a lady who I could only presume was the man's wife. The man in question on the other hand, gave a great sniff then stepped around me as though I were a pile of turd in the middle of the street.

Ooh he had it coming. I nearly stormed after him to give him a well-needed kick up the backside, but I thought better of it. I leaned up against a wall, attracting weird looks despite my lack of crazy talk, but I didn't really care. I somehow drew funny looks back home anyway… wherever home was. I could feel myself getting ready to blubber against my will.

"Are you awright?" asked a little voice.

"No actually I'm far from alright I…" I started, then realised the question wasn't directed at me. Instead it was aimed at a small boy, who was currently admiring the pavement. As he managed to pull himself to his feet the little girl handed him an overly large ticket.

"You dwopped your ticket!" she announced quite proudly.

"Th-thanks," he replied.

The little girl then promptly turned red and escaped down the street. Aww how cute, young instant crushes.

The boy was now adjusting his hat, which like all his clothes, was pretty oversized. Even his trousers had to be held up by a giant belt. His face was covered by a dark shadow, the only feature visible were his large glowing eyes.

"Are you sure you're alright?" I asked him kindly. He couldn't have been any older than ten, at the same age I always cried when I hit the floor. Then again, his baggy clothing could well have protected him from such heinous injuries as grazed limbs.

"Y-yes I'm fine," he stuttered doing his best to look invisible. I looked around expecting to see more glowy-eyed people, but there were none.

"Aren't your parents around? You're not lost are you?"

"Um.. I don't have any parents."

"Oh," I replied, unsure of how to react to that. He didn't sound upset by it though so I continued on. "Guardian then? Surely there's someone looking after you."

He paused for a minute as though about to say something but shook his head instead. I don't suppose a ye olde place such as this would have a social services. I bit my lip awkwardly. I couldn't well bugger off now knowing that he was on his own, he was just asking for trouble. That and I admittedly wanted some form of company.

"Where are you off to now?" I said changing the subject.

"I-I'm going to the ticket booth. I can't wait to see the play." He seemed to light up at the prospect and I couldn't help but smile at him.

"Mind if I come with? I haven't got much else to do."

"S-sure," he stuttered, grateful that I hadn't ripped off a mask and revealed myself to be the child snatcher or something.

"By the way, what's your name?"

"Vivi."

"Hi Vivi, I'm Daisy."

And so we were off. To see the wizard? No shutup brain. To see what exactly this Alexandria had to offer.

And there we have it. I don't think it's too bad for a first chapter, I'm sure the action will pick up later on. Yes this is actually meant to be me, looks, clothes, name, the whole shebang. I wanted to see what I would do in this situation if I hadn't known anything about FFIX ever. There is an actual plot afoot a swear! xD Do let me know what you think, whether you love it, hate it, or feel the urge to smear it in peanut butter and devour it. Ask any questions you feel the urge to and make any corrections that are needed, I'm not a writer and therefore need all the help I can get. O.o

As always, flamers will be newted.


	2. Of Rats and Mages

Arr mateys, this be chapter two. I suggest ye flee. Do not expect updates this frequently aye, 'twould be unwise. I'd like to say merry muffins and cupcakes to KivaEmber, Blaze Shadow, Tabansi232 and sup3rl0z3r for reviewing. :3 Cor blimey four reviews for a first chappie. I shower many sweet delectable's in your general direction.  
I don't own anything here, apart from myself, my clothes, and the mad old man. :3

* * *

Chapter two - Of Rats and Mages 

"So…" I said hunting around for a topic of conversation as we made our way through the chattering throng of people. "Do you live here or are you just here for the play?"

"Just the play. My home is near Treno, but…" he fell silent so he must have brought up something painful, so I decided not to pursue the matter. At least he did more than just reply to the immediate question.

We continued forwards and I noticed ever more funny looks, and I eventually figured out why. My clothes. Most of all my bright yellow Spongebob top, which wasn't fair really because it's an awesome shirt. The rest of my outfit wasn't anything to be desired, ragged ended jeans, a grey jacket and a pair of mimic converse shoes. Pretty strange compared to their period, ankle-showing clothing all set with belts and lace.

It was a bit unnerving being stared at, had I been a more forward person I would have stared right back, but I'm not so I just ignored them. Vivi didn't seem to notice the continuous glances our way, but then again it was difficult to determine anything from him.

However one person in particular seemed incredibly fascinated by my choice of clothing. A fifty year old bearded noble who kept taking speculatory glances behind him. He nudged his wife and they had a hushed conversation with even more glances my way. I mean how rude can you get? Spongebob pwns you all damnit!

The noble lady exclaimed and waved to a small family further up the street. The man however, came trotting over to me, plunging his hand into his pocket as he did so.

"Listen," he said, giving me a highly significant look then shoving a wad of money into me, "please take this, and I dare say you'll need it before long." He scratched his greying beard awkwardly wanting to say something else, but I butted in.

"Bloomin' heck I don't look that poor do I? I really don't want your money, you can have it back," I said holding the cash back out to him. Okay that was a lie; I very much wanted the money. However there was a part of me that couldn't take something for nothing, I have personal standards to upkeep. He looked sideways at his wife, who shot him an 'I told you so' look before carrying on chatting with the family friends.

"This isn't charity. Unfortunately I don't have time to explain everything properly right now, and I'm more likely to just confuse you if I do try." He grasped one of my hands and smiled sadly. "I would dearly like to talk to you, but I'm straight back to Treno after the play. Do you know about Treno?"

"Yeeees," I said, raising an eyebrow. Or attempting to, I've never been good at that expression.

"I'm Robert Winslow, you'll find me at 'Spade Estate' if you decide to find me out… even if it's just to repay me if you wish," he said quickly as I started opening my mouth. "It's not an awful lot I gave you there so don't fret about me, I don't need it. Good luck with it all." He gave my hand a brief squeeze then went over to join the rest of the group. I looked down at the blue coloured notes in my hand, there were five of them each at 100gil. I'd have to ask Vivi about it, it sounded a lot to me but could well not be.

I drew my mind back to Winslow as I stuffed the cash in my jean pocket. 'Good luck'? And what exactly did he want to talk to me about? Chances were the answer was screaming me right in the face, but the only thing I could think of was that some old guy had chucked money at me with some form of significance. If I found him again hopefully he'd explain that I needed to save the world, or may be he'll 'join my party' as a super Gandalf magic man. Yay!

Delusion is my middle name.

Getting my legs moving again I started searching for Vivi, it didn't take long. He was waiting for me a few metres ahead.

"You didn't need to wait for me you know," I smiled, appreciating it all the same. He mumbled something about not wanting to get to the ticket booth on his own and we walked again.

"Vivi? What can 500gil buy you?"

He looked at me as though I asked him what colour the sky was.

"Uhh, where I come from we have a different currency."

"Huh?"

"Different sort of money."

He pondered that for a moment, different money had obviously never occurred to him before. Perhaps a land that didn't have countries had no need for more than one currency?

"It can buy you potions, or a couple of high potions. Maybe a simple piece of armour or a weapon…"

"Oh not that sort of thing!" I said bemusedly. "I meant like, food and a place to stay. Maybe travel even."

"Oh, it can buy you lotsa food. And an Inn is usually 100gil a night. I-I don't know about travel, I walked here."

I mused on this as we carried on walking. So all in all I probably had enough money for two or three nights at an inn plus food, this is presuming I walked to Treno on foot, and it's not too far away. Not too bad. The question was how to acquire more later, but I didn't need to think about that just yet.

Vivi suddenly disappeared from my line of vision with a small thud. I stopped and looked down to find him and a small rat boy sprawled over the floor. The rat boy in question leapt to his feet in outrage.

"Oww!! Why you- get outta my way!" he barked angrily darting around him and running off up the street.

"Oi you little shhhh- git! Get back here!" I yelled after him closely dodging swearing, but he was long gone through the crowd. I huffed then bent down to help Vivi to his feet.

"Not your day is it? You and the pavement are becoming quite well acquainted," I laughed, but Vivi just bowed his head and proceeded to adjust his hat.

"Hey c'mon I didn't mean it like that. Cheer up." Jeez talk about fragile, or maybe I'd hit some sore spot. Well it's all life skills as my Mum would say, who I was just going to stop thinking about.

Vivi nodded and stood up a bit straighter, which I took as a good sign. After all these interruptions we finally made it to the ticket booth, which was being manned by another one of the anthro people. He looked somewhat worse for the wear though. Most of his face was devoid of fur, and the beard he did have seemed to be going slightly green at the edges. Plus he'd had one pork pie too many, on several occasions.

"Can I help you?" he asked gruffly as we approached.

"Uh, uhm…" Vivi reached into his pocket and pulled out the crumpled ticket. Standing on his tiptoes he passed it over.

The ticket bloke gave it the once over then declared, "Why, it's another fake! I've seen so many today."

"Nooo!" cried Vivi, nearly collapsing to the ground in his instant depression. Simultaneously I heard the sound of someone whacking the end keys of a piano. I looked around for the source of this and saw a man shooing a little girl with a balloon away from a piano.

"Stop it Letta! I'm trying to wheel it down to the folks at the Morning Star!"

"Yay piano piano!" she squealed then went roaring off with a small boy.

Back to ticket man. "Here now don't cry, I know how you must feel. Take these, try to cheer up now hmm?" he handed Vivi over a few cards, which from a quick glimpse had monsters on. Because the best way to make a kid happy is to bribe him with the old equivalent of Yu-Gi-Oh cards.

"How d'you know it's fake?" I asked, turning back to the booth.

"It's a very bad fake really," he said, adding insult to the injury before replying. Vivi sank down another couple of inches and I glared at him. "Look, you see the title?"

He showed me the ticket, which had the title 'I Want to be Your Crow' on it.

"Aaaand what's wrong with that? Apart from the peculiarity of someone wanting to be a crow?"

Ticket bloke sighed, deciding I wasn't joking about. "It's supposed to be 'I Want to be Your _Canary_'. Peasants… no education, no refinement…" He'd obviously been on his own too long as he was now voicing what was going on in that head of his.

Ignoring him I steered Vivi away from the booth, poor little guy was looking incredibly put out. My tummy grumbled just then and I remembered that I hadn't actually had breakfast yet.

I looked up at the sky, and judging by the sun the time was… I had no idea. So that didn't help. I wondered if they had clocks here at all.

"Can you see a clock anywhere?" I asked casually, hoping I didn't sound as strange as I did when I was asking for a phone.

After both of us spun around in circles several times Vivi pointed to one on the face of an Inn. Oh good they do have clocks. It read quarter past seven, so now I had the added pressure of getting used to the time zone.

"Wanna go grab something to eat? My treat."

Vivi looked almost panic stricken by my offer. "Oh, no, it's okay.."

"Seriously Vivi. That ticket must've been expensive, least I can do is get you some dinner right?"

"But..."

"Free food Vivi! Free food! Don't even _try _passing up free food." I pointed my finger at him accusingly. Personally I'd rather die than pass up the offer of free food, okay not quite so melodramatic but along those lines. Food is goooood.

Vivi went still, I could swear he was smiling under that hat of his.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing, you just reminded me of someone," he then nodded. "Alrighty, food then."

I grinned at him then we headed over to a small outside café thing, which the nobles seemed to be giving a wide birth. Of course it would sour their image to be seen anywhere near something inexpensive.

We walked inside and had a look at what there was to offer, all scrawled on a blackboard. Even after deciphering the writing, which luckily was in English, I had trouble figuring out what the food actually was. The only thing I did recognise was that they did sandwiches, but I wanted something a bit more hot and filling. What I wouldn't do for a proper english breakfast.

However they didn't appear to do one, and if they did I doubt it would be called an 'english' breakfast. Plus it was the evening. I decided to take a risk and have whatever Vivi was having.

"What d'you fancy?"

"Um, I'd like a patta."

I looked up at the board, there appeared to be several types of patta. "Which one? And is it hot?"

"Yes it's hot, and I'd like the normal one… if that's alright." He still seemed a bit nervous about me offering to buy him food.

"It's absolutely fine, and I think I shall join you in the patta department." We approached the young woman behind the serving counter, who smiled brightly at us. I had to smile back, I love smiley people.

"Can I help you?"

"Yeah, ah, could we have two pattas please, the normal ones."

"Sure thing hun, would you like a drink with that?"

"Ooh, you don't do tea do you?" I asked hopefully. I practically live off tea, best darn drink in the world.

"Yes, of course we do."

Triumph! "Great! What about you Vivi?"

"I-I'd like some… juice?"

"Okay then, that's two pattas, a tea and a juice," she prodded it into the ye olde cash register as she said it. "That's 40gil all together."

I handed her a 100gil note and got 60 back in the form of three coins, a 50 and two 10's. So two meals were worth nearly half the amount for an inn. Either the food was mega-expensive, or the inns are so bad that they're ridiculously cheap. Neither sounded good to me.

"If you'd like to sit at a table outside we'll bring your order over in about five minutes."

I thanked her and we went back outside where Vivi scurried to a table and plonked himself on a chair. I sat opposite him, head going into my hands and elbows on the table. Vivi was swinging his feet back and forth, looking forward to the upcoming food. I looked at him head slightly tilted, I was suddenly reminded of how young he must be. If I thought things were going to be difficult for me, it was going to be a lot harder for this guy.

I mean c'mon, at ten years old or whatever age he was he was going to have little life experience. He probably didn't realise what wankers people in general could be. I know I didn't at that age, I was barely interested outside my small ring of friends and our imaginary games. What was he going to do when what money he had ran out? Did they have child labour here? Did small children die as regularly as old people or what?

Vivi caught me looking at him and cocked his head questioningly.

"Say Vivi, how old are you anyway?"

"I'm nine," he replied, a little confused at the question.

I certainly had a lot to learn and I was already feeling responsible for Vivi, which would be bad so far as my self preservation was concerned. Though he'd probably bugger off back to where he came from after today I didn't feel that I could leave him to get on with it.

However thoughts like that could easily be put off until after I'd eaten. Yet they and thoughts about home kept niggling me, making me want to face them. If I couldn't face homework when I got overloaded how was I going to cope with something like that? Thankfully a distraction came in the form of rat boy.

"Hey shrimp, your ticket was fake weren't it?" he said, seating himself at our table.

"Hey midget, have you been stalking us or what?"

"And you don't have a ticket at all do ya?" he stated, ignoring my comment.

"Nope, too cheap me," I replied. Which was mostly true, I'm generally very tight on my personal spendings.

He nodded as though he approved of my tight-waddedness. It was then that one of the café workers brought over our food and drinks. I grinned happily at him and he smiled back and turned away to another table to drop off a couple of drinks. Ooh, he was _fit_. My eyes dropped down to his bum. He had a nice bum.

…What?

I snapped my eyes to my meal as the smell reached my nose. It was like a giant toasted pita bread stuffed with an assortment of meat and veg. I lifted up a half and took a cautious bite into it. Whatever the meat was it was a bit like beef, and the carrots and other leafy green vegetables were sweet and crunchy. The bread tasted more like a baguette. All in all it was to my liking. My stomach rumbled in appreciation to the sudden intake of food and my next bite was huge, so huge I nearly choked to death trying to swallow it.

I felt someone watching and peered at rat boy out the corner of my eye. He was staring at the other half of my patta like it was the holy grail. I grappled inwardly for a few seconds then reluctantly shoved my plate over to him.

"Hey thanks lady! You're not half bad."

I mumbled something incoherent already regretting my action. Stupid conscience.

"Say," rat boy said after we'd eaten and I was sipping my tea, "I could get you into the play if ya want." He leaned forward and interlaced his fingers craftily. It's an offer we can't refuse? "But you have to become my slaves."

I snorted into my tea and tried to control a sudden fit of laughter. Okay it was the last thing I was expecting. I looked over at Vivi who seemed unsure what to make of the situation. Now normally I'm a law-abiding citizen, and no doubt rat boy's plan of action was anything but. Being in denial mode on the other hand, allowed me to bypass such a thing as 'the law'.

I gave a laugh. "Sure why not? What about you Vivi?"

Seemingly strengthened by my approval he nodded. "Alright." I'm a bad influence and proud.

"Awesome!" He looked over at somewhere across the square, I followed his gaze and saw a portly hippo person emerge from an alleyway. "Alright then. Quickly slaves, follow me!" He leapt from his chair and jogged over to the alley, we stopped when he stopped and he peered round the corner.

"Excellent, all for the taking," he breathed. He then trotted down the alley and peered at an unattended ladder left beside a sign on one hinge.

"Right, slave number one you check to see if anyone's coming over there…" he sent Vivi to the far end of the alley. "Slave number two you go check over there." He directed me to the opposite end.

I looked around, there were lots of people chatting and busying about the square, but none were coming our way.

"Well?" he demanded.

"Yeah, it's clear," said Vivi.

"Naddah, no-one." I called.

"Engage according to mission parameters!" he declared grabbing the ladder, shifting it's weight, and once again leading the way. I somehow overlooked the fact that he was stealing, probably because I wanted to see the play.

"C'mon hurry up!" he yelled behind as we dashed after him, he was a fast little bugger. "The play starts at eight!"

He took a sudden right turn straight into a steeple and I almost fell over trying to turn quickly enough. Vivi seemed to have no problem though, must be my old age.

The steeple was fairly barren, save for a small tower with a ladder leading to a big bell. The stain glass windows I thought were fairly simple, with basic depictions of mountains and big shiny suns. The patterns on the floor and tower were sun washed and faint, and there was grass poking up in places between slabs of stone. Overall I wasn't particularly impressed, but I'm sure we were there for reasons other than to admire the architecture.

"Up there," said rat boy pointing up the ladder, "is where we're goin'. But it's very dangerous so you, slave number one, can go first."

I pulled a face, I was about to say that I'd go instead but Vivi was already making to climb the ladder. Then a white cat bounced on his head and knocked him over.

"Aahaha!! What the heck was that?" laughed rat boy, who I suddenly felt like sticking in a rat trap. Vivi rubbed his head under his hat, unfortunately with his back to us so I couldn't see what his face looked like.

On closer inspection of the cat, it wasn't a cat at all. Or maybe it was and some cruel tosser had stuck a red nose and a pompom on it.

"Are you okay?" I asked carefully, kneeling down in front of it. Normally I probably wouldn't address it as another intelligent creature, but knowing this place it would probably start spouting Shakespeare.

"Yes kupo, sorry about that kupo!" he said to Vivi, who was now walking over. He had a rather bubbly high-pitched voice.

"That's Kupo, he's a moogle if you're silly enough not to know," said rat boy. "Kupo, these are slaves number one and two." He pointed to us accordingly.

"Kupopo hello! Us moogles help if you need to use a tent kupo," he said. Apart from saying his name over again, I was annoyed at being patronized, or what felt like it. As much as I needed every shred of information I could get my mitts on I didn't want to be treated as a simpleton. I have my pride you know.

"Oh I know _that_," I lied.

"Alright then, if you're done it's time for some upward mobility!"

Rat boy, as well as being incredibly fast was also rather strong, seeing as he was able to drag a ladder one handed whilst climbing up the ladder. Maybe it's something to do with being a rat. Can rats lift things loads heavier or was that just ants and buggy things?

"Come on up slaves!" he called, the little git.

"Kupo? You here?" questioned another bubbly voice from behind me. I turned and saw a travel dressed moogle complete with backpack walk towards Kupo.

"Kupo! Stiltzkin! Why that getup? Where you going? Are you leaving kupo?" he asked, voice getting more forlorn with every sentence.

"Yeah, and I'm gonna be away for a while this time."

"I'll miss you kupo…" he said quietly.

"Now don't you worry. I'll write okay Kupo?" he said, almost like a parent.

Kupo cheered up at the prospect of letters. "Okay kupo!"

"Well I'm off, just wanted to say bye before I left. Take care!" With that he turned and left the steeple. I didn't know how far he was going to get on those little legs of his, but he seemed rather determined.

"Was that a friend of yours?" asked Vivi. I jumped, I'd temporarily forgotten his existence. Must be all those 'kupo's,' they were doing my head in.

"Yes kupo, a very special one."

Vivi's eyes gained a wistful look, but were suddenly brought back into focus as rat boy yelled from the top of tower.

"Oi! Slaves! I thought I ordered you up here!"

Alright then, time to ascend. I let Vivi go ahead then climbed up after him.

"If we don't hurry the play'll start without us!" He scurried across a plank leading to the next roof top. I waited for Vivi to cross because knowing my luck it would crack under my weight. He didn't move however.

"What's up Vivi?" I asked.

"Aww c'mon, don't tell me you're scared of heights," groaned rat boy. "Just pretend you're on the ground. Hurry up already!"

Well I thought that was totally lame advice but Vivi nodded and proceeded to make his way across the board.

"Keep looking ahead," I added, as his eyes were glued to the board and consequently, the drop below.

Within a moment he'd crossed and I followed suit, more carefully than rat boy charging across them but certainly faster than Vivi. We followed him over the rooftop and I felt a little hand grip mine. I looked down and saw Vivi's gloved hand holding mine. My brain exploded with an 'aww' even though he was only clinging to me due to fear. I held his hand firmly in case he slipped. I wouldn't be surprised if he tripped and went hurtling off the roof. Not a good thought.

We got to another plank and Vivi stopped again.

"Not again! Get on with it we're running out of time! It won't fall, really." He started hopping up and down on the spot in impatience. I shot a frown at him, I highly doubted the reliability of this particular plank of wood. It wasn't as though we had an awful lot of choice in the matter though.

"It's fine Vivi we can do this. I've got your hand alright? So we'll go quickly at the same time and I can pull you up in the incredibly unlikely chance that it falls."

"Um, okay," said Vivi, who was getting so quiet I had to strain to hear his voice.

We dashed across quickly and I pulled Vivi off just before the plank trembled and fell. With my rump on the roof and Vivi on top of me we heard the plank clatter on the pavement below. Thank God no one got hit.

"Well whaddya know, it did fall! Let's keep moving." He dashed off again lickity split before I could wring his neck. Vivi hopped off me allowing me to stand up.

"Well we're still alive that's a plus point," I said none too enthusiastically. We tap danced over the roof shingles as fast as was humanely possible after rat boy. This is with Vivi still clutching my hand and trying to manoeuvre around chimneys whilst on a path barely wider than my foot.

"Oh, by the way, I don't even know your names," he said as we waited for us to catch up, and here I thought he was happy calling us slaves.

"I-I'm Vivi."

"Daisy."

"Huh, you don't say? Kinda funny names, at least Vivi sounds believable!" What's wrong with my name? I realise it hardly strikes fear into the hearts of many but honestly. "Name's Puck, pleased to meetcha folks."

He actually sounded polite then, so I was torn between being irritated by him and finding him quite quaint. At least he was helping us into this play.

"Ah, here we are," he announced when we came to a white wall. He chucked the ladder at it and proceeded to scurry up. "This is the castle wall, over here we can get straight into the play!"

"And how, pray tell, do we survive the drop on the other side?"

"We don't drop, don't be stupid. We climb down using this!" He grabbed a nearby line which had little coloured flags attached. It was pretty thick, not rope thick but looked as though it could hold some weight.

"Looks like we're on time," said Puck peering down at the accumulated crowd. "Let's go before anyone sees us up here." He held onto the line and slid down as silently as he could. When he was at the ground he waved at us. I held the line out to Vivi for him next and he climbed down, awkwardly but without attracting any attention. Well, here goes nothing I thought to myself, and went over the wall

* * *

First of all I'd like to apologise profusely for the mad old money throwing man of randomness. He is not that random I swear, and whilst I'd rather not have him conveniently throwing money at me it cannot be avoided for reasons that will eventually become apparent. This is presuming the reason's not eye-ball-burningly apparent already. I realise I've deviated from the plot slightly so far as meeting Puck is concerned. I doubt he'd wait for us to just visit that particular alley if he was stalking us, plus I figure he'd take advantage of my wonderful generosity.  
Next chapter promises actual action, though not necessarily from me. I'm more likely to run around screaming wondering why rusty knights are trying to shish kabob me. But we'll see eh?  
Let me know if there's anything horrendously wrong here in any sense, grammar, spelling, contradictions, crappy plotting or whatever. Feel free to ask questions. :3  
Flamers will be NEWTED ON SIGHT!!! 


	3. Bomb Chicka Wah Wah

This, oh strange people reading this, is chapter three if you couldn't guess. I probably would have got this up earlier, but I haven't had the internet for a fortnight (I'm getting help for my wihdrawal symptoms ha ha) and I've re-written parts of this chapter several times and I'm still not happy with it.  
Never-the-less...  
I own nothing, again, but myself. Oh joy.  
Did I mention I'm really bad at titles? If not, I'm saying it now, kekeke.

* * *

Chapter three - Bomb Chicka Wah Wah 

"Sssh! Quickly now!" whispered Puck as we scooted hunchbacked behind the nobles. The audience started clapping as we got to a suitable place to watch, and the kids started clapping enthusiastically as well. I didn't however, being paranoid of drawing too much attention to us.

I wrung my sore hands nervously, convinced someone must have seen us clambering down the castle wall, or at least seen me giving myself rope burn. I used to be able to climb ropes like a monkey, curse my unfitness.

The lights abruptly went out, the instrument tuning stopped and the crowd fell into a hushed silence. I heard a few 'oohs' but they were quickly cut off by irritable parents. The whole audience seemed to be holding its breath in anticipation. It felt like an age for something to happen, when in fact barely a couple of seconds had passed.

Suddenly the orchestra exploded in a blaze of lights, fireworks and music. The audience leapt to its feet cheering and whistling in excitement. The whole band rose up to reveal a stage beneath, scenery mimicking a stormy sky and a grey stone castle.

Admittedly I had to smile, though I had been honestly gearing myself up for something a bit more spectacular. Disney World left me with high standards; but I was still impressed with what this medieval Alexandria had to offer special effects wise. Though I was somewhat contradicting myself due to my love of budget productions. Red Dwarf for the win anyone?

The crowd eventually silenced itself again as a thick robed man entered centre stage. He took a deep bow as he waited for the audience's clapping to peter out. My first thought was that he was a giant bearded bat, judging by the ears at any rate. Was it just me or did his shirt look a bit like the union jack?

"Ladies and gentlemen," he announced. His voice was deep, gravelly and imposing. "Tonight's performance is a story that takes place long, long ago. Our heroine, Princess Cornelia, is torn from her lover Marcus. She attempts to flee the castle, only to be captured by her father, King Leo. When our story begins, Marcus, having heard of this, crosses swords with the king. And now, Your Royal Majesty, Queen Brahne, Your Highness, Princess Garnet…" He paused for a brief moment and looked up to where I presume Princess Garnet was sitting. "…noble ladies and lords, and our rooftop viewers, Tantalus proudly presents 'I Want to Be Your Canary'!"

I thought it was an awfully peculiar place to start a play, but I did have time to dwell on it as a tattooed man with a bandanna came running onto the stage. He brandished a sword and pointed it at King Leo menacingly.

"Where is my love o King, where be my Cornelia?" Marcus demanded.

"Where thy promises of grandeur and silly whims cannot reach her."

"Unsheathe thy sword ignorant King, so that I may exact my revenge upon thee, and once again have Cornelia in my arms."

"Thou art foolish peasant, dare thee think thou canst win against the King? Thy folly runs away with thee, and the price thou shalt pay will be dear." He made a motion and two guards came to stand by his side.

"Thou see'est with only thy pride, can thou not see our love?"

"Love? More folly… I shall make sure that thou shalt never see my daughter again!" He brandished his own sword and the two guards bent their legs in preparation, but as they did a voice bellowed from backstage.

"Bereft of father, bereft of mother. Marcus! Thou hast lost even thy love!"

"Fortune hath escap'd thee!" declared a second, somewhat gruff. "For what end shalt thou live?"

Then came the unmistakable sound of a sword being drawn. "For the sake of our friend, let us bury our steel in the heart of the wretched King Leo!"

"AYE!" Three more actors came rushing onto the stage, swords and a… hammer drawn. A blonde, a red head and one who really need to put more clothes on. My eyes my precious eyes! The audience seemed unfazed by the precarious amount of flab present, but they were probably already too engrossed in the scene.

I snuck a glimpse at Vivi who was already enthralled by what he was seeing, his eyes sparkling with delight. Puck on the other hand just looked bored, though I could tell he was anticipating something. Probably the inevitable fight scene, and I felt exactly the same way.

"We shall back thee kinsman," said the belted red head.

"Blank, Cinna, Zidane…" he looked at them each in turn with an expression bordering on longing. "Pray, sheathe thy swords! This villain is mine alone," he turned back King Leo.

"Nay kinsman." Cinna shook his head. "For I too, have lost a brother to his fiend."

"What ho? Out vermin, away! Thou darest bare thy swords against the King?! All who stand in my way shall be crush'd!"

"Treacherous Leo, my kinsman's suffering shall not be in vain!" Zidane yelled, crossing swords with the King. He bared his teeth and took a swipe, which King Leo barely dodged. "For I shall instruct thee in his incomparable pain!"

The music fastened a pace and Zidane changed his target to one of the guards. Blank and Cinna aimed for the second. Well, Blank did. Cinna darted forward but was promptly knocked to the side and put out of action. Serves him bleeding right for battling with a hammer of all things. As the guards were steadily becoming overpowered, Marcus and King Leo circled each other before coming together in a harsh clash of metal and jumping back again.

"Not so fearless without thy guards are thee King?" spat Marcus as they exchanged a swift flurry of blows.

"My blade shall feast on thy blood, peasant!" Ooh nasty. "Taste steel!"

Clang, clang the blades exchanged more blows, each expertly staving the other off. Marcus swung for his neck but the King parried then stabbed forwards, but this too was blocked. I could feel myself grinning almost maniacally as Blank and Zidane entered into the fray, the guards unable to continue the fight. Puck was now on his toes not wanting to miss a single thing.

It was all too soon that the fight was over. King Leo stumbled towards the stage steps making various agonising groans. The guards fled the scene and King Leo taunted the good guys from atop the castle.

"Thou hast not seen the last of me Marcus!" Mwahahah he sounded like a good ol' cartoon villain. The little kids in the audience boo'd but were quickly shushed by their respective parents. What spoilsports.

"Come back!" Zidane ran for the steps but Blank stood in his path.

"Out o' the way Blank, the knave should not live to see another passing day!"

"Ah but consider this Zidane. If Prince Schneider were to marry Princess Cornelia, peace would reign o'er both kingdoms!"

Seemed like wishful thinking to me; Zidane voiced my opinion. "'Tis foolishness! If all were so easy, why, none would suffer in this world."

Blank gave a warning swing but Zidane chased him up the steps anyway. At the top they exchanged swings, jumping and ducking under each assault. Blank leapt from atop the castle with Zidane in hot pursuit. They chased to the very front of audience where Blank finally turned to face his aggressor.

"En garde!"

En garde yourself I shall give you the honour of a quick and painless death! Oh well one can dream right? "Expect no quarter from me!"

Blank aimed for Zidane's ankles but he swiftly somersaulted over it. He leapt back a pace Blank following. Zidane spun around sword heading towards the chest and Blank skidded underneath practically doing a splits. His sword slashed at Zidane's face so he was forced to fall back to avoid it. They rose their swords at the same time and sparks flashed as they made contact. I cheered and clapped enthusiastically, my fear of being caught temporarily forgotten.

"We shall finish this later," puffed Blank after several more blows had been exchanged.

"Come back here!" bellowed Zidane promptly chasing after him. I heard the distinct tinkle of money and saw coins being thrown ceremoniously at the stage. A few strayed out way and both Puck and I gathered what we could, grinning at each other as we shared the same idea.

"I'm gonna have to sit down for a bit," I whispered to Vivi. "My legs are getting tired, poke me when there's another fight scene alright?"

"Alrighty," he replied absently, eyes still on the stage. Heh, it was worth sneaking in just to see Vivi's enjoyment.

I wasn't particularly unfit, but I couldn't last long just standing in the same place. I slowly lowered myself down and sat on the ground. I was surprised to find it clean. I was half-expecting cigarette butts and grey patches of gum, despite the fact neither had probably been invented yet.

I got comfy on my hunched up knees and allowed my eyes to glaze over as I listened to the dialogue. The play continued as I expected it to, with Marcus trying to break into the castle and agonised rushed exchanges between the two lovers. King Leo coming up with ever more drastic plans as he sought control over the other kingdom without resorting to war. However the voices seemed a little distracted for a reason that I could not determine, though it was probably just me hearing things.

I looked up after a while. The sky was already fairly dark, and there appeared to be two moons. I vaguely wondered how that affected their oceans and such the like. As I gazed two black shapes swung overhead. I stood up abruptly to follow their path. Two figures had landed above the orchestra and were struggling to get upright on the floppy fabric. Obviously this wasn't part of the play, no one appeared to be paying them any attention.

Now wasn't exactly the best time for girl chasing for what I could tell of the two figures. Another shape swooped in their direction, but went too far and crashed painfully. For heaven's sake is everyone so enraptured that they can't even see people barely two inches away from their line of vision? Not even a random crashing loudly only slightly to the right of the stage?

The music stumbled on itself momentarily, my eyes flicked to where the two original people were. They weren't there, just what the heck was going on? I flopped down, slightly exasperated at the blindness of everyone. I couldn't pay attention to the play any more, which I had been enjoying. My mind had stubbornly latched on to the antics of the previous swingers. There was definitely something afoot.

The crowd started muttering.

"Is this part of the play?" a little girl asked.

"Shush honey of course it is," replied a mother in a white hat.

I stood up again and looked over the heads of the crowd. There were three new arrivals to the stage. There was Zidane, a girl dressed in a white cloak and an armoured man who looked ready to piss himself. They must have been the roof-top anticers.

"Cornelia!" proclaimed Marcus to the girl. She seemed unsure for a moment, but after a prod from Zidane threw herself into his arms.

"Oh Marcus!"

I could throw up.

"Oh Marcus, I missed you so. I wish never to leave thy side. Prithee, lead me from place!" she begged. She sounded distinctly different to the Cornelia I heard earlier, the other one sounded like she was struggling to hide an accent.

"See King Leo? Thou shouldst give them thy blessing," said Zidane.

"Hmph. Never leave his side thou sayest? Foolish banter! I'll not allow it. Cornelia shall marry none other than this man-" he walked over and touched the armoured man on the shoulder, "-Prince Schneider! Is that not so, Prince Schneider?"

Schneider or whatever his name was looked utterly astonished for someone who knew he was going to marry. "M-marry the Princess? Me?" I wish I had a camera to catch these repeated priceless expressions.

"Aye. And this treacherous crew I shall put to death!"

The guards approached them but were swiftly beat up. They ran off the stage.

"Pray, sweet daughter, come home to the castle with me," Leo begged.

"Nay father I shan't return."

"Cornelia, trouble me no more! This wedding is for thine own welfare, be mindful of that."

"Not if I can help it!" declared Marcus. "Now is my moment of vengeance! For my parents, and for my love Cornelia… I shall cut thee down!!"

Marcus' sword flew towards King Leo, but was intercepted by the new Cornelia who gave a grunt of pain as she fell. The crowd gasped in horror.

"Gosh I never saw that coming," I muttered sarcastically.

"Mar…cus, forgive me… I still love my father…"

King Leo and Prince Schneider sank to their knees in horror. Suddenly Schneider could act and was sobbing openly, as though he really believed Cornelia had just been stabbed.

Prithee, forgive my selfishness father, and spare my sweet Marcus..."

She went still and Schneider sobbed even harder, bloody heck mate you hadn't even met her until now play-wise. Talk about over-egging the moment.

"What have I done!?" exclaimed Marcus. "Am I to never hear her loving voice again? Am I cursed to never again to feel her soft touch? O cruel fate! Thou hast robbed me of all I treasure!"

Marcus turned the sword on himself and fell to the stage dramatically. The audience was now openly sobbing, almost as much as Schneider. Vivi sniffled slightly beside me.

"Wow, what a great show!" said Puck.

"Y-yeah, so sad," replied Vivi who was drying his eyes on his sleeve. Perhaps if I was in a more sentimental mood I would have found the whole thing more compelling. Also I'd seen Romeo and Juliet so pretty much saw it coming.

"I'm glad we climbed all the way here y'know. Definitely worth it."

"Definitely." We grinned at each other, but then he looked at something over my shoulder and his face dropped.

"Woah! Run for it!" he yelped zooming away. Vivi and I turned around and saw two soldiers charging towards us, swords a blazing.

"Oh holy FRICK!" I yelled. "Leggit!" We turned and ran along the back of the crowd, who all turned to stare as we went by. Thoughts of prison and having my head lopped off invaded my brain as we ran; utterly inopportune.

"Stop you!" one of the guards yelled. I chanced a glance behind me. The two were swinging their swords around so wildly a few hats got chopped in half, much to the annoyance of the few nobles. All we did was sneak into a play, I hoped that didn't warrant the death sentence.

Vivi tripped and I yanked him up hurriedly. I saw Puck scampering up another flag rope and away. I wished I could do the same, but I couldn't abandon Vivi and I couldn't climb ropes.

Talking of which, Vivi was suddenly ahead of me and running in the wrong direction.

"No Vivi not that way! That's the stage!" I yelled, but either he didn't hear me or was too scared to do anything about it.

"Fuuuuryyyyy!" the other soldier cried.

"Oh shutit!"

I followed him as he scrambled up the steps and we ran around and around the bemused actors. We leapt over the figure of Cornelia, I was about to keep running but Vivi had stopped.

"D-don't come any closer!" he warned. The soldiers just laughed and continued forwards. Light flared up in Vivi's outstretched palms and fire flew towards the soldiers. Unfortunately the flames didn't go far enough and instead ignited Cornelia's white robe.

"Double frick almighty. Cor blimey I didn't know you could do _that!_" I said impressed. I went over to help him up as the girl flung off her white robe. The audience gasped collectively. I looked around confused.

"What's the big deal?"

"Zidane! It's time!" said King Leo, quickly setting off to parts unknown. Marcus sat up and surveyed the situation with awkward confusion.

"Princess Garnet we better get outta here," said Zidane to the newly revealed girl.

"Of all the people to play kiss chase with you chose a Princess?" I said to Zidane, the comment just had to be made. He grinned cheekily at me.

"Just what is going on here!" bellowed the guy who played Schneider, or rather who didn't. The two soldiers were now standing by him ready to receive orders. The twit really had thought the Princess was dead!

"Steiner, please don't follow me anymore," pleaded Garnet. Why the heck was she wearing a bright orange leotard of all things? Lucky for her she had a good body for it, though now wasn't the time to contemplate fashion sense.

"Captain sir! We await your orders sir!" saluted one of the soldiers.

"Well ah, we um, uhm, we... uhhh…" He contemplated for a moment. "Princess I'm afraid I cannot comply!"

"Stubborn as always aren't you?" Garnet sighed.

"C'mon Princess, let's ditch Sir Rustalot and go!" He then turned to Vivi and me. "You two alright?"

"Y-yeah," said Vivi.

"As alright as I can be after being chased by two maniacs with swords," I snorted.

"I cannot let you go Princess!" bellowed Steiner. Some ear plugs, some ear plugs, my kingdom for some ear plugs. "Seize them at once!"

"What?! Us too?" I cried indignantly.

"Obviously! You're in league with this band of thieves!"

"Are not."

"They're really really not," added Zidane.

"Then why were my men chasing you two?" Steiner demanded.

"How the hell should I know?" Lie actually, they were probably chasing us for sneaking into the play, not that I was going to admit doing that. "I mean for heaven's sake what threat is a nine year old and a teenager going to pose? It wasn't an excuse to come charging after us screaming and waving swords around."

"That 'nine year old' tried to attack my men-"

"Self defence!"

"-and nearly burnt the Princess!"

"Well sucks be to her but what's she doing playing dead on the stage anyway?"

"I don't have time for this!" yelled Steiner, turning an odd shade of puce. Obviously the Princess could do no wrong in his eyes. "Seize them I say!"

The two soldiers advanced, swords in front of them. I actually got scared then. Seventeen year old, weaponless and armourless against a well-trained soldier with a ruddy great sword; it doesn't take a genius to figure this one out.

I looked quickly across at the others. Marcus and Zidane were preoccupied with Steiner and one of the soldiers. Zidane had acquired a pair of daggers and was darting in and out, always backing away before a blade got even close, much to Steiner's frustration. Marcus swung his sword into the side of the soldier's head knocking him out, and then proceeded to drag and toss him off the stage.

I looked back at my aggressor who thankfully appeared to be having second thoughts. Perhaps he finally twigged my lack of defensive or offensive measures. I stepped in front of Vivi, regardless of whether or not he was better equipped to deal with this situation.

"What is this? Kill first, ask for a date later?"

"My date!" he exclaimed suddenly. "I totally forgot!" He leapt off the stage leaving Steiner's jaw swinging gaily in the breeze.

Then suddenly the whole stage started shaking and rising. I couldn't keep my balance and fell over.

"About time," I heard Zidane say. About time the stage magically flew away, we were all waiting for that of course.

"Oh, I forgot we're on an airship," said Vivi a little absently. He had fallen over as well and was sliding towards the edge. I grabbed his arm before he got too far and pulled him towards me.

"Be _careful _or we're gonna go flying off this thing," I said, still sitting down. I didn't want to chance standing up again, I had enough to be dealing with without bruises being added. I held Vivi tightly round the middle and tried to stay still as everyone else went tumbling around. I gave Steiner a kick in the shins for good luck as he went by.

I heard explosions and a giant metal harpoon plunged itself into the ship, somewhere below the stage. Several other harpoons had missed the ship and got rammed into the buildings surrounding us. I looked to where it had come from and there appeared to a blue obese woman wobbling about and pointing at us.

"What is mother doing?" exclaimed Garnet, who was also looking at her. I looked from the Queen, to Garnet, and back again. Please tell me Garnet's adopted.

But before I could fathom the possibility of these two being related another rally of harpoons were shot at us, this time one crashing into the stage. It barely missed Zidane and Garnet who went tumbling in opposite directions.

"Sweet merciful craaaaap," I swore as the whole stage lurched and I went rolling, dragging Vivi with me. We knocked into Steiner who had been reaching for Garnet. The armour slammed painfully against me, and thankfully the stage got steady before we fell off.

Confusion was rife and the giant ball of fire heading our way did nothing to help the matter. I yelped and covered my face as it approached, expecting to be burnt at any moment. Like with government crow, nothing happened. I looked up hopefully, expecting to be sucked back to where I came from. Alas that was not the case. Instead the ball of fire was still there, but on closer inspection had eyes, arms and a mean set of gnashers.

This was a heck lot worse than the government crow.

Steiner was now on his feet, sword drawn again and back to the fireball.

"Have you not noticed the giant flaming ball of imminent DEATH behind you??" I said exasperated. He ignored me however and turned to speak to Garnet.

"Princess, I implore you, we must leave here at once and return to the castle!"

"I have already told you Captain Steiner I am not returning," she repeated, with all the patience of an angel.

Steiner turned another funny colour and turned his sword on the rest of us. "How dare you trick the Princess!" he barked.

"Just look behind you!" Zidane pointed at the fireball which was steadily getting bigger, but he just charged at him bringing his sword down. Zidane slided out the way and the sword imbedded itself into the stage. Steiner yanked it out with a grunt and backed off. I think the fireball was cooking his brain in his helmet or something.

"Please Steiner, he's telling the truth," backed up Garnet, but Steiner was in no mood to listen to reason.

"I will not fall for such an old trick," he growled running forwards again, this time aiming for Vivi. I started forwards in to try and stop him somehow, but I had barely moved when flames erupted before Steiner driving him back.

"…Oh yeah," I said to myself, remembering Vivi had access the pyromaniac's dream. "Good shot Vivi."

"Th-thanks," he said distractedly. His eyes were still on Steiner, his legs bent and arms ready to perform more magic. Seemed as though he'd seen battle before, which I found a little disturbing him being so young. Then again it could be my jealously, a) because I'm pyromaniac myself (homg I love burning things!) and b) because the only fights I'd ever experienced was play fights with my brother, sparring with eight year olds at karate class and twacking the odd bully.

"See? SEE?!" cried Steiner sounding slightly hysterical as he got up. "You two ARE in league with this band of miscreants!"

"Well _you _attacked him you dumbass tosspot," I replied. "What's he supposed to do exactly? Stand there while you lopp his bloody head off?"

"The law must be upheld!" he roared.

"And the law says you must behead nine year olds over trivialities?"

Steiner finally had the decency to look a little sheepish and muttered something incoherent under his breath. Marcus circled around Steiner during our interesting conversation and proceeded to attack. Steiner knocked him out the way and came roaring towards us. Zidane jumped on his bonce and away, leaving Steiner confused enough for Marcus to recover and get back into the fray.

The fireball for some reason wasn't doing anything apart from steadily growing bigger. Horrible thing must have been getting a kick from watching us fight it out.

"Are you going to bloody explode or what?" I called but it just cackled, which was freaky in itself because fireballs should not cackle. Still Steiner wasn't noticing.

"It's a Bomb!" cried Vivi, Steiner looked a little surprised.

"Her Majesty's Bomb? … Lies!" he headed in my direction this time, seeing as he couldn't even touch Zidane and Vivi had his magic. Chivalrous bloke isn't he? Luckily Zidane intercepted, but instead of attacking he grabbed his armoured shoulders and spun him around. Steiner gasped in horror at the bomb, which was now three times its original size and bulging dangerously.

"It's gonna blow!" cried Marcus, hitting the deck.

"Get down!" warned Zidane, slamming himself into the stage and pulling Garnet down. I threw myself on top of Vivi and squeezed my eyes shut.

BOOM

An intense wave of heat washed over us and a few splinters of wood hit me. I coughed as smoke filled my lungs but didn't get up. Vivi wiggled underneath me after a moment and I got off him, opening my eyes to survey the damage.

There was a very large hole where part of the stage used to be, and everything was covered in soot. Luckily everyone was still on board. Or should I say, unfortunately Steiner was still with us. It wasn't really fair for me to judge him so soon, but he wasn't exactly making a great first impression.

"You alright Vivi?" I asked him as I made a useless attempt to wipe the black off me.

"Y-yeah. Thanks," he said gratefully. I shifted around to see what was happening. We were leaving Alexandria far behind us, though where to was beyond me. Hopefully we'd land in Treno, then I could see Gandalf man.

"Everyone okay?" said Zidane. He was met with various affirmatives and a grunt from Steiner. I flopped onto my back and closed my eyes, just concentrating on breathing. This was all really strange to say the least. Animals talk, small children (or at least Vivi) can use magic and ships can fly.

"Turn this ship around right now!!" ordered Steiner, killing my eardrums. "Take us back to the castle!!"

"Oh go shag a sheep," I mumbled, fingers in my ears.

"WHAT?!"

But before he had time to apprehend me for my somewhat crude comment the whole ship lurched, then unmistakably began to descend.

"Uh oh," said Zidane unnecessarily. "Grab onto something quickly! We're gonna crash!"

I didn't have time to grab anything however before the ship lurched again and started crashing through trees. I slid along the stage desperately grappling for something to hold onto, but there were only floorboards. Garnet, who was clinging onto half a harpoon, grabbed my hand as I slid, but my momentum was too great and her grip broke and I went flying off the edge.

I'm ashamed to say that I screamed as I was flung into the abyss. I'm not a screamy person. I yell, bellow, shout but not scream. Though the situation somewhat called for it as I was scraped and slashed by branches during my fall.

I didn't even see the rock as it collided with my head, and I was out like a light.

* * *

I added a bit to play, just because I could. I have a particular fondness for thee's and thou's. :3  
Any tips anyone can give me on writing fight scenes would be greatly appreciated. Admittedly the fights here don't warrant long extensive detail, but I only know about fighting with my fists. I don't want to end up writing sword fights reminiscent of Paolini, ugh.  
Anything wrong, spelling, grammer, ooc-ness whatever don't hesitate to mention.  
Flamers'll be newted . 


	4. Feed Me Steiner

Welcome to the ALMIGHTY EVIL that is chapter 4 of this particular SI. I tried very hard with this chapter though it's still not the greatest. I suppose I shall improve in time. I better explain a couple of things now, before people get confused. Updates will probably be getting few and far between because I'm now (like many others) at college, and art is time-consuming at best.  
1) Triffid - A walking plant from the book Day of the Triffids. Most noted because they can walk and generally kill people. :3  
2) Audrey II - A singing plant from the movie Little Shop of Horrors (1986), has great big lips. I highly recommend youtubing 'Feed Me Seymour', a most excellent song.  
Merry monkeys to everyone who's reviewed, and a cup of british tea.  
I do believe that's all for now. I own nothing except myself and my largely missing sanity. If you find it, I'd quite like it back. It's not very big, but I am rather fond of it.

* * *

Chapter four - Feed Me Steiner

I gained conscious groggily but didn't open my eyes. It had all been a dream, a delightfully peculiar one, but a dream none-the-less. Thinking about it, if it had been real I'm sure I would have behaved much better. Yup, definitely wouldn't have acted like a twonk. I really ought to write it down before I forgot it, could be a story in there somewhere. I was relaxed on my two beanbags and reached out my hand to grab my notebook, which was always lying around somewhere.

My hand touched cold gritty soil; I shifted my weight and found my beanbags were in fact rocks. I was suddenly aware of the dull throbbing in my head, the stinging from my cuts, and the taste of bile in my mouth. I heard twig-snapping footsteps come my way, and I opened my eyes groaning to meet Zidane's blue ones.

"You look rough, are you alright? I think your head's bleeding."

I didn't say anything as I took Zidane's offered hand and got up to sitting position. I took a big, slightly shaky breath as I gently prodded my head. I hissed as it stung and proceeded to throb even harder.

"Ouch, sorry I don't have a potion. I could kiss it better if you like though," he winked.

"I'm sure I look less than kissable right now," I said unenthusiastically, wiping the blood onto my jeans and making a start on pulling twigs and leaves out my hair. My brain was fuzzy with the disappointment on finding myself still in this world. All I wanted to do at that moment was crawl into a nice hot bath with a cup of tea.

A cold fear clutched my stomach as I thought about home, or the lack of it. I swallowed; my throat felt dry. I took another shuddering breath as I tried to steady my rising panic. Don't freak out don't freak out don't freak out.

Zidane's head swerved round into my line of vision.

"Are you alright? You're looking a little dazed," he said with actual concern.

"Yeah," I croaked, then cleared my throat, "yeah I'm fine. Utterly butterly hunky dory me." I twacked myself on the head, the other resort to fending off vile thoughts other than denial. For some stupid reason I forgot there was a bleeding hole in my head.

"Ow fucking bastards!" I yelped. I clutched the side of my head that wasn't heinously injured and staggered up, waiting for the pain to clear from my eyesight. Zidane was laughing and he clapped a hand onto my back.

"You are a crazy one aren't you? C'mon, let's go find the ship, should be a potion buried around there somewhere." What is with these people and potions?? Okay, only Vivi and Zidane had said anything, but still. I do hope they're not medieval witches or something.

"Better get used to it bud, I'm crazy even without the brain damage." Zidane chuckled and steered me, via my elbow in the right direction until I stopped staggering about. It was barely seconds after that that we came out on top of a ridge, with the wrecked airship below spewing smoke into the almost black sky. Its crashed state didn't register properly as I was feeling too sorry for my head. I hopped down following Zidane; Cinna was dumping some valuables and looked surprised as we approached.

"Zidane! You're alive? Huh, I can't believe you jumped off!"

"I didn't jump I was thrown off by the impact. Is everyone alright? Where's Princess Garnet? By the way we need a potion."

"Head's always on the ladies huh? We got the devil's damn luck. Everyone's fine but the Princess is missing. We are _so _screwed if we don't find her, or even worse we've squashed..." He looked back towards the ship nervously and shook his head. "Evil Forest, brilliant. 'Fraid I can't spare any potions pal, need to save 'em for the injured. If we have any after that I'll let ya know."

"Evil.. Forest? Please tell me you're joking," I said.

"Sorry girl, but I'm afraid it is." He looked pretty nervous himself.

"No that's not what I mean. It's just, jeez how unoriginal is 'Evil Forest'? Who named it, a boy scout scared of his own shadow?"

Zidane sniggered, Cinna just looked at me as though I was crazy. Okay I am crazy but I haven't done anything else to warrant more weird looks… yet.

"We're smack bang in the middle of _Evil Forest _and you're worrying about the name??"

"What's the big deal? Unless the tree's are planning to eat us or something."

Cinna looked uncomfortable, he wrung his hands looking ready to retreat back inside the airship.

"Knowing this place I wouldn't be surprised," he muttered, almost to himself. "Anyway, Zidane, Blank's lookin' inside for the Princess, do you mind looking out here?"

Zidane raised a blond eyebrow. "Did you really need to ask that question?" Cinna just sighed in response and with a quick look around the area, retreated to the safety of the ship.

"Well, you heard the man," said Zidane clasping his hands together. "We got a Princess to rescue!" I saw his brain leap immediately into pervert mode and I rolled my eyes.

"Hey don't look so surly! There's plenty of Zidane to go around," he hit his puffed out chest extravagantly, winking at me. I lightly punched him on the shoulder.

"Don't be a git," I said from want of a better retort. Zidane pretended to be severely injured as we made our way into the forest. We ducked through a rotten tree trunk and emerged into ankle high muddy water. The water soaked itself halfway up my jeans and waterlogged my shoes.

"As if I wasn't grubby enough," I muttered sloshing after Zidane. This certainly wasn't your run-of-the-mill happy walk through the trees sorta place. Apart from the fact it was dark (which didn't help matters) there was no trodden path, so we had to navigate over thorny bushes and around trees that were so close together you'd have to be an anorexic to get comfortably past them.

A high pitched scream tore through the natural burblings of the forest. Zidane and I looked at each other then tore off as best we could in the direction of the scream. It was followed up by several yells of 'PRINCESS!!'

"Well whaddya know, it's our old buddy Sir Rustalot."

We fell through in a natural clearing, or at least I did. Zidane managed to maintain his balanced. I coughed and stood up to see Vivi trembling on the ground, Steiner screaming his head off at-

Oh God.

It was Audrey II.

Well not quite. The best I could think of was Audrey II and a Triffid had hot rampant plant sex and produced this thing. It had certainly inherited its mother's lips. You know I wouldn't be surprised it if started singing. 'Feed me Steineeer'... heh.

I shifted my gaze up a bit and there was Garnet, confined in a leafy cage that was part of the plant thing. She looked pale and was struggling to free herself, but couldn't push past the leaves. Vivi couldn't utter a word, unlike some people.

"I demand that you release the Princess, right now!" ordered Steiner.

"Yeah," Zidane scoffed, "like it's gonna listen to you."

I wanted to add some other smart remark, but I my mind was too preoccupied with the plant. I just stared at it. If giant sadistic fireballs weren't bad enough, now there was the very possible chance of death by killer foliage. I had no chopped up dentists to throw at it, so I was at a loss of what to do. Worst of all, WHY did it have LIPS?!

"And uh, what _is _it?" I asked, hoping someone would have a reasonable explanation for this mobile piece of vegetation. Now I was getting a vague inkling of why this place was called Evil Forest.

Zidane cocked his head. "Iunno, looks like a plant, prison, cage, thing I don't know."

By this time the Prisoncage or whatever had got over the surprise of more prey appearing, and had judged itself to still have the advantage. It flicked a vine round and slammed it at Zidane; he was barely out of the way in time. He rolled and jumped up again, pulling out his daggers as he did so.

"Let's go!" He launched himself forwards, Steiner drew his sword and joined in the charge. As they ran they split, each aiming for the sides of the Prisoncage. The Prisoncage in question flailed its vines around in confusion, unable to decide which aggressor to concentrate it's attack on.

"Relinquish the Princess!" bellowed Steiner, driving his sword into the brown planty flesh. The Prison made emitted a strange strangled shriek and whacked its vine into Steiner's chest with a great 'clank', knocking him back and skidding along the ground. Ooh ow that had to hurt. Zidane had managed to clamber up the cage in this time and was trying to hack through it, but was forced to retreat as the other vine nearly clobbered him. He shot forward again, ducking under a swinging vine but Steiner was left flailing on his back like a great rusty turtle.

As Zidane attacked I snapped out of the daze I'd found myself in and jogged over to help haul Sir Rustalot to his clinky feet. I offered a hand and he reluctantly took it as I helped him up, with much difficulty might I add. It's a wonder he's able to walk around in that heavy get-up.

"Why do you not assist?" he said angrily. I was unsure if his anger was directed at the Prisoncage, or me, but in Steiner's case it was probably directed at everything.

"Note my lack on weaponry," I replied, spreading my empty hands and looking again at the Prisoncage. "And yours for that matter."

Steiner's sword was still embedded in the side of the Prisoncage, brown almost black sap-like stuff was dribbling down from the wound. It was trying to hook one vine around the sword whilst keeping Zidane at bay with the other, however it didn't seem quite adept enough to get a decent grip on it.

I looked over at Vivi to see if he was alright. Apart from the fact he was frozen in utter terror he seemed unharmed. He was also a fair distance away from the Prisoncage, so hopefully it would leave him alone.

"That and my self preservation refuses to let me become a human sacrifice," I added, noticing Steiner's look frankly telling me that I should do just that. He grunted deciding not to pursue the matter, and charged forwards again. He leapt up as a vine went for him again. How does he do that? Has he got thighs of steel or something? On second though, I don't want to know. Sadly he misjudged and the vine caught him in the side sending him rolling into the dirt, again.

"Shit! How do we get at it?" Zidane appeared at my side having backed off again from the Prisoncage. I chewed my cheek as I tried to think of something to do instead of standing there uselessly. I watched as Steiner grappled stubbornly with a vine, but it caught him in the face and he staggered back fuming. It really wasn't his day was it? The Prisoncage, temporarily free of it's aggressors, raised its vines and brought them up to the cage. Garnet gave a groan of pain as white tendrils of light shimmered down the vines, visibly healing the minor wounds that had been inflicted. The leaves of the cage, which had started to look a little limp, also grew visibly stronger. Garnet's eyes rolled into her head and she slumped unconscious against the cage.

"Oh.. kay..." I said, staring at it.

"It's drained her energy!" exclaimed Zidane. "We gotta get it quick before it kills her!"

Now seemed a good time to do something stupidly drastic and suicidal, like become the distraction. How do I go about doing that though? Run up to it screaming until I get knocked out the way? I had to do something soon though or there wasn't going to be a Princess to save.

I tugged my off jacket and tossed it onto the floor, I wasn't going to let it get ruined. I took big breaths and swung my arms around me mentally pumping myself up for running at a killer plant defenceless. I bent my legs getting ready to run despite all reasonable brain cells telling me this was suicide. Just as well I barely have any brain cells left!

"You doing what I think you're doing?" asked Zidane, a smile playing on his lips.

"I have no idea what I'm doing," I replied blankly. "Just please make sure I don't kill myself." That ought to keep those brain cells happy for a while.

I sprang forwards into action. I suppose some form of war cry would have been appropriate, but acting stupid was enough without sounding stupid as well. The Prisoncage turned its attention to me and I saw a vine swing my way. I was ready for it though and swung my arms opens, wrapping around the vine as it collided with me.

The air got knocked out of me but I had enough sense to hang on, especially as I was now several feet above the ground. The Prisoncage was confused for a moment, thinking I'd just evaporated. I shifted up a bit while it as still to get a better grip on it. Eventually it realised I was clinging to it's vine and started shaking me about in an attempt to dislodge me.

The scenery turned into a speeding green-brown blur and I squeezed my eyes shut, holding on all the tighter. It was an incredibly horrible experience, seeing as I'm one of those people who freak out whilst riding the Kiddie Mini-Coaster. My stomach lurched sickeningly as I was tossed about in every direction, it was a miracle I was able to hold on.

The Prisoncage shrieked with the familiar shing of metal accompanying it. I heard yelling, mostly from Steiner, but it was drowned out by the rushing wind in my ears. After what seemed like a lifetime of swishing around I felt myself lowered towards the cage and risked a squint through my eyes. Garnet's pale sweating face came into view, slightly obscured by the leafy bars. She was still very much unconscious. The end of the vine headed towards her to prepare for more absorption, which was as welcome as a naked Steiner dancing around and singing Loving You by Minnie Riperton. Moving on from these highly disturbing mental images, I did the first thing that came into my head, I bit the vine.

It was surprisingly easy to bite into, which was something of a bugger for my taste buds. I gagged at the bitter, leafy taste of the sap stuff, but it seemed I had done the job as I was flung backwards away from the cage. This time I couldn't maintain my hold as the force finally ripped me off and into the dirt.

"Aahhuueeehhh... ow ow ooowwww," I moaned, tensing painfully as I hit the ground. I hadn't fallen that far, but it hurt all the same.

"Princess!! PRINCEEEESSS!!!" half bellowed half sobbed Steiner. "I f-failed you!" He cried, sounding a bit like Vivi, who's head swayed over me as I lay. He gripped a small bottle in his hands.

"Wuzzat?" I asked dimly, feeling as though my back had been hammered with a meat tenderiser. I suppose it could be worse, but having generally experienced nothing worse than a stubbed toe this was pretty bad for me.

"I-it's a potion Daisy," stammered Vivi, holding it out to me. The tone of his voice suggested that it should be obvious.

"Uhh, no thanks I think I can survive without a potion," I replied, highly wary of the pale liquid swashing around in the bottle. In all logic it should be fine, if both Zidane and Vivi were willing to let me drink the stuff. However, I had no idea what it did, what it was made of, how much I should drink or anything like that. Maybe it would have an adverse effect on me because I wasn't exactly from around here, in a matter of speaking anyway.

"You can help me up though," I said to him. He didn't seemed convinced of my wellebing, but never-the-less helped me to my feet. My back twinged uncomfortably and it felt sore, Apart from that the worst of it seemed to have subsided. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and looked around. There was a lack of vicious vegetation in the vicinity, so I presumed the Prisoncage had escaped. Crap. Zidane was staring confusedly up at the trees and Steiner was still sobbing. Good God man grow a hide!

"I-I'm sorry," Vivi mumbled, drawing Zidane's attention despite the quietness of his voice. "I was too s-scared to cast any spells, it's probably gonna eat her..." He looked incredibly remorseful, as though the entire situation was his fault.

"No worries! She's not dead yet anyway. That plant thing was only a minion, it's probably taking her back to it's master," said Zidane.

"Oh whoopie," I said sarcastically, "as though one giant man-eating vegetable isn't enough."

"Come!" declared Steiner, who had suddenly perked up. "We must find her at once!"

I started to get up when I heard chattering and rustling above. I looked up, and froze. Another Prisoncage descended with alarming speed towards me, leaves flared to scoop me up. The world went topsy-turvy for a moment, and I found myself within the leafy confines of the Prisoncage.

"Bollocks!" I yelled, finding which way was up and peering out from my cell. I really ought to stop swearing, there are small children about.

"I-i-it's got her!" stammered Vivi.

"Wait!" ordered Steiner as Zidane started to move. "If we leave it be then we can follow it back to where the Princess is held!"

"WHAT!?" exclaimed Zidane and I at the same time.

"I'm too sexy to be plant food!" I said stupidly, then grimaced at my own comment. I swear I'm not this vain, really!

"Damn straight," added Zidane. Yay, that means I'm sexy! Oh wait, the non-vain thing... At least I'm not the only one who believes I shouldn't be plant food, it was something of a relief that I wasn't the only one who found the idea preposterous.

"The Princess comes first!" he replied as though it was justification.

"I've already told you! I utterly refuse to become the human sacrifice! I've been a distraction, so I think I deserve a break thank you very much."

Steiner opened his chasm-sized gob to say something else, but instead he gasped and took a step back. Needless to say this momentarily confused me until I saw flames lick up in front of the cage, accompanied by shaking and shrieking. I shoved myself back feeling the heat, but only the Prisoncage got burnt. I blinked, remembering that he had his wonderful pyro-powers. Shame he was too frightened to use them earlier.

"Magic seems effective," I heard Vivi muse. Well, looks like I might live after all. Huzzah!

"Nice one!" exclaimed Zidane. "Keep doing that, we'll beat this monster yet!"

It was incredibly awkward to remain upright, what the fight going between my captor and the others. Every time I got to my knees the Prisoncage jerked in an attack and I went tumbling over again, so it made it incredibly difficult to see how things were faring. Regular torching of the creature assured me however that some sort of progress was being made. When I could see though, Steiner was only making a half-arsed attempt at rescuing me the toss-bucket. Just as well Vivi was up and at'm otherwise I'd be going the same way as Garnet.

"Yeah Vivi!" I called as he let loose another barrage of flames against the Prisoncage. If he replied I didn't hear, the screams of the Prisoncage had reached a new high. It started shaking violently then suddenly slumped and fell still. The leaves of my prison sagged and fell open allowing me to stumble out awkwardly.

"Excellent!" cheered Zidane.

"A-are you alright, Daisy?" asked Vivi tentatively as I gave the Prisoncage a wide birth. I realise it's a charred dead mess, but plants can sustain massive damage before they're properly finished. I gave it the 'I'm watching you' sign with my fingers before replying.

"Hmm? Yeah, I'm fine, all limbs in check. Thanks _so _much guys, really. Me equals mucho dead meat without ya."

Vivi looked at his feet. Was he, embarrassed? I glanced up at Steiner, who was peering at Vivi with a mingled expression of awe and reverence. It was a little disturbing, but maybe that's because the only expression I've seen off him is manic rage.

A quiet rustling caught my ears and I spun round to see the Prisoncage rising up. It released a noxious cloud of gas that swam into Vivi and Steiner. Vivi slid noiselessly to the ground; Steiner managed to twitch enough to groan 'Princess' before losing consciousness. Ding dong the Steiner's gone! Which old knight? The rusty knight! At least we'd get some peace and quiet for a while. I coughed a few times, having been caught by the edge of the green gas.

"Spores!" growled Zidane. "Damn plant things! We're gonna have to get them back to the ship, Blank's the only one who can sort them out."

I had walked over to Vivi still coughing, worriedly checking his breathing. I bent my head close to listen, and sure enough he was, if a bit shallow. Maybe I could take this wonderful opportunity to look under his hat? For some reason even this close his face was still obscured by darkness.

"Dibs on Vivi," I said, hauling him into my arms. He was pretty light for someone his size, but not overly so. I decided reluctantly that I wouldn't yank his hat off, for politeness' sake.

"Nawww! No fair!" pouted Zidane, moodily grabbing one of Steiner's legs and dragging him along.

"Agh! He's so heavy!" he grimaced, doubling his effort in dragging the armoured knight along. His progression left a continuous groove in the soil, a fair amount of it clogging up the crevices in his armour. He was going to wake up very dirty

We splooshed into the water, adding to Steiner's general grubbiness. Zidane paid no heed however and continued yanking him along unceremoniously. I almost felt sorry for him, yet my own personal state had the power of veto over my sorryness. I felt hot and slightly ill. That, and it's hard to feel sympathy for someone who was willing to let me become plant chowder. By this time my back was starting to ache, and my headache certainly hadn't subsided. And…

"Bugger," I gritted out loud.

"What is it?"

"Forgot my flipping jacket," I replied moodily, followed by a small coughing fit.

"We got some clothes back at the ship, you can have something from there." I looked at him, a little surprised. He must have caught my expression for he continued on. "It's not as though we're going to be able to use them, we can only carry so much stuff out of this place. I'm sure Ruby'd rather her costumes were used rather than go to waste."

"Oh," I said thinking it over, also having no idea who Ruby was. "Are you sure? Can't you return back at a later date and get the rest of your stuff?"

Zidane shook his head. "I doubt it. It would be difficult to get hold of another airship, and we're too far away from Lindblum to make a return trip worthwhile. We didn't bring a lot of valuables anyway. Besides, you've seen how dangerous this place is. The Boss can be harsh sometimes but he wouldn't want to put us in danger. Well, not too much.. maybe? Hmm..."

He seemed so sincere about his Boss wanting to put them in danger I had to laugh, if rather chokingly. He grinned lopsidedly at me then turned his attention back to dragging. It took an awful long time to make it through the trees. Steiner's arms and legs kept catching in roots and small trees. At one point we found a small brown wolf thing gnawing on his wrist. Zidane picked it up by the scruff as it viscously tried to claw his face off.

"Feh, just a baby Fang," he said, tossing it into the undergrowth with a squeal. The Fang squealing that is not Zidane. He made a move to bend down when growling started rumbling from the bushes.

"What…?" I started when a fuzzy brown blur shot out and straight at Zidane, but he was faster. He slid smoothly under the charging Fang as it flew over his head. He quickly drew his daggers as the Fang landed and turned, growling, to face him. It leapt, claws aiming for the face, lips dragged back into a ferocious snarl. Zidane bent his legs and thrust both daggers up into its chest. As he pulled them out again the momentum kept the Fang going, and when it hit the floor it was quite dead.

"…That was.. quick," I said, looking over at the dead pile of bleeding fur.

"Weell I don't mean to brag but yeah, I'm awesome," he replied, wiping the bloodied blades onto the fur and resheathing them.

"Was it necessary though?"

"Huh?"

"Well, it was just protecting its kid right? Couldn't you have ah.. incapacitated it less killingly?"

Zidane scratched the back of his head and looked at me oddly. "You haven't met many monsters have you?"

That was a monster? I thought it was just a wolfy animal thing. "Not as such, no." I suppose I ought to come clean about this, monsters are pretty serious business. "I don't.. really, know anything about them. Um."

"At all?" he asked. He was voice was even enough, tbut I could pick up the fact that he was slightly incredulous.

"Uhh, no," I said, feeling stupider by the minute.

"No wonder you ran head first at that plant," he laughed, reacquiring his grip on Steiner's leg. "Monsters aren't like animals. Y'know chocobo's and stuff. They make a living of attacking humans. It's you or them when you come across them."

"Mmm, right," was my reply as we neared the crashed husk of the airship. Monsters with a vendetta against humanity, just great. It's just one bloody thing after another.

The airship appeared to have stopped smoking, which is always a good thing. There was a small pile of injured band players twitching and groaning, and the amount of valuables rescued had definitely increased. Marcus poked his head round the side of the doorway and walked over to us.

"Hey, what happened to you lot?"

"I'll explain later, just go and get Blank and tell him it's urgent," said Zidane, dropping Steiner's leg.

"Right," he replied. They both made T's with their hands and Marcus rushed back inside the ship.

"Is there anywhere I can put Vivi down?" I asked. "My arm's are getting tired." Not to mention my back, my head, the nausea and the infinite amount of tiny cuts and scratches. littering my poor poor skin.

"Oh, yeah. I'll show you. Rusty can survive a few moments out here."

As if he'd heard, Steiner started moving.

"P.. prin… princess?" he glubbered weakly.

"Okay! In we go!" announced Zidane, shovelling me into the airship.

"Woah wait what about…?" I said, trying to peer round to see Steiner.

"Ahhh he'll be fine. Zenero, Benero," he said, talking to the pair who stood guarding the doorway, "sort him out alright?"

That seemed ominous, but Zidane kept pushing me along anyway. The inside of the ship was in a right state. Everything was higgledy piggledy and all over the place, the walls were partly demolished in places or charred black. I got the impression it might have all been very grand before the collision. Now it was something more like a demolition site, after the demolition.

I got shoved into a small bedroom, and I lay Vivi down on the nearest bed as gently as I could. Blank burst in a moment later, and after a quick talk with Zidane, came over and examined Vivi.

"Yeah, you're right. Spores. Lucky for you guys, I'm here to cook something up. I'll be right back."

I perched myself on the far end of the bed as he left, doing a very bad job of restraining more coughing.

"I'm going to go talk to the Boss, can you look after Vivi for a minute?"

"I can do that," I said a little glumly. He glanced at me briefly before shutting the door quietly behind him. I sighed and shuffled about so my back was against the wall. Vivi's breathing was considerably shallower than it was back at the clearing. I watched his small chest rise up and down with increasing guilt. I sincerely hoped Blank would be quick with his medicine, and that these spore things wouldn't leave any lasting damage.

I ran both my hands through my hair then swung myself back off the bed, feeling too fidgety to sit still. I meandered to the other side of the room where there was a dressing table, rifling through the draws with disinterest. It's just one of those bad habits I've acquired. Unfortunately the mirror was broken, and the pieces too small to be of any real use. I really wanted to check my hair…

"Mnuh…"

"Vivi!" I said, dashing over to the bed. I instantly regretted it because I got attacked by a wave of nausea. When it had subsided I saw Vivi's glowing eyes emerge from the darkness of his face.

"Ugh… I feel sick…" he mumbled, arms moving over his tummy.

"You're not the only one, but don't worry. Blank'll be here soon, he's making some kind of medicine. I'm not quite sure what happened though, something to do with spores."

"That's right," said Blank, making me jump. I whirled around.

"Don't _do _that!"

"Do what?" he replied innocently. He stepped beside me as I fumed and addressed Vivi. "You and that knight guy are lucky, you'd both be dead if it weren't for Zidane."

He'd forgot to mention a certain someone. Then again I was almost eaten by that Prisoncage and half infested with these spore deelies, so I didn't say anything.

"Some of the monsters in this forest reproduce by planting seeds in other animals. The seeds then sprout and it's hasta la vista, you're mincemeat." Vivi's eyes took on a shocked look. I have to saw my face obtained a similar expression.

"D-does that mean… I'm gonna die?"

"Nah, I got some medicine for ya right here. It'll remove the seeds from your body," he replied kindly. "You're gonna have to sit up though."

He helped prop Vivi up and gave him the medicine. At that point a loud sarcastic 'awwwww' came from the doorway. I turned to look and saw Marcus grinning merrily.

"Always knew you had a soft spot for kids bro," he chuckled.

"Oh get lost," he said grumpily. Marcus gave another chuckle before leaving. Vivi brought the medicine, trembling slightly to what I presume were his lips.

"Eeyuck," he spat.

"Sorry, you need to drink it all."

Vivi complied and grudgingly forced himself to drink the rest. He made a sound of disgust when he was done, and Blank took the purple bottle away pocketing it. As he lay back down again Blank turned to me.

"He's going to need some rest, best leave him for a little while." I nodded reluctantly, promptly bursting into another fit of coughs. He jumped back as if I was highly contagious.

"It got you too??"

"Have a guess," I replied sarcastically. I had actually begun to wonder if he'd give me any medicine at all. Blank rolled his eyes and produced another bottle of medicine.

"I had some left over from the batch, which is just as well for you," he said, as though it was a bad thing. I accepted the bottle and popped the cork.

"Do I drink all of it?" I asked, giving the stuff a sniff. If it tasted as good as it smelt, my taste buds were in for a second wolloping.

"What do you think?" he said, with sarcasm equal to mine. I gave him a highly affronted look before holding my nose, and glugging it down.

"Eagh! Bloody hell!"

* * *

I somewhat avoided full blown decent fight scenes here, what with me running at the Prisoncage and thusly getting caught by it. Don't worry, I won't be able to avoid screwing up the inevitable encounter with Plant Brain. I have to admit, I have a difficulty writing characters that aren't my own creation, so do let me know if you feel anyone's particularly ooc.  
Naked Steiner singing Loving You... chokes on tea Excuse my sad humour.  
As I've said before, point out mistakes, grammar blahdy blah blah.  
Newts for everyone. 


	5. Livin' la Evil Forest

Y'know, I was going to get a friend to beta read this, because to be frank it needs a second opinion. However I'm too impatient for her to trawl through about 15 Word pages, and she hasn't actually read the other four chapters yet (which I have bugging her to do for the longest time, but you can guess why she daren't look xD). And honestly enough I'm pretty pleased with this chapter for a change (despite some of the embarrassing parts), it's certainly my longest yet.  
I am so gonna have to draw some FFIX fanart soon, and I usually try to refrain from fanarting. I guess it's because I'm writing this, replaying FFIX (for the billionth time) and also trawling through ebay for FFIX stuffles. SOMEONE RESTRAIN ME!! Especially from spending all my cash on ebay, it's so easy to do. ::gets stary eyed at all the FFIX stuff::  
Reviewers, I love you. I'd throw more british tea at you but one very peculiar person only drinks ice tea, you know who you are. So for one day only, I am lobbing bottles of ice tea at your heads. :3

* * *

Chapter five - Livin' la Evil Forest

I felt a certain weight lift from me after I'd drained the small bottle of its contents, revolting as it was. I guess the prevention of little Audrey IIs bursting out my chest a la Xenomorph does that to you. Still grimacing from the taste I turned the bottle over in my hand, looking for some sort of label.

"This'll definitely work?" I asked, finding no such written instruction and returning the bottle.

"My medicines haven't failed yet," he replied confidently. I picked up on the 'my' part, which sent my inner critic into overdrive.

"You just happen to know how to stop little plant things devouring me from the inside out then?" I said, slightly sceptical. Or rather that's how I came across. In actual fact, I was suddenly convinced I was going to die from someone who thinks bleach and shoe polish is a good cocktail.

"It's not exactly common, but there are a couple of other monsters outside evil forest that infest humans in a similar way," he explained, taking my comment in his stride. "I've made it up before, so no need to worry. Alright?"

"Mmhmm," I conceded. I felt embarrassed for doubting him when he was so confident, but still didn't let up on my suspicions. I'm in some sort of medieval world here; they probably didn't even have toilets. Oh holy- NO TOILETS??! Cue the silent screaming, _right now_.

Apart from all that, I was particularly unnerved by his casual air when he talked about monsters. It occurred to me that Zidane had chatted about it in the same matter-of-fact tone aswell. What kind of place is abundant in monsters that'd sooner claw your eyes than look at you? Well, here obviously. Judging by everything else I've seen so far I guess I really shouldn't be surprised. Monsters being a part of everyday life though, it wasn't a pleasant thought.

"Why're you being so nice Blank?" I heard Marcus question, startling me. I looked over and saw him leaning against a wall smirking. "Don't sound like you at all. Are you ill?"

"I can be quite the charmer when I want to be," Blank replied stiffly, drawing a strange look from me. Marcus chuckled, shaking his head.

"I think Zidane's rubbing off on you bro, and I don't think the girl's too impressed by your 'charms'. Need to try harder to win this one over." Blank wore a grimace that probably matched my distaste for the medicine.

"No thank _you_," he said in an affronted tone.

"Charmer my arse," I said, insulted. Hey, _you're_the one who claimed to be the charmer dipshit.

"It's Ruby isn't it?" continued Marcus. He pushed up his bandanna a little to get a good look at Blank's reaction. There wasn't an awful lot to see though, Blank's face could well have been etched in stone. "You're afraid to say a single wrong word against any woman now aren't ya? Not that I blame you…," he said, suddenly pacifying himself. As he and Blank reminisced over a tragic memory of some sort, Zidane descended down the spiral staircase. He seemed distracted, because I had to repeat his name several times to get his attention.

"Oh, hi Daisy. What is it?"

"When are we… Are you alright?" I asked, changing my question after seeing his expression.

"Yeah, sure I am! Why wouldn't I be?" he said, taking on a sudden cheerfulness. Well that threw me off.

"Well, you seem-seemed a little… how do I say this, miffed?"

"Zidane? Miffed? Nah," interjected Marcus, throwing a muscled arm round Zidane. Why did I get the feeling he was coming to the rescue? "That's not him. Anyway, what were you gonna say?"

"Tuh, can't remember now," I muttered after a quick rack of my brains.

"Clothes?" prompted Zidane.

"Nah that wasn't it, though I honestly could go for some right now." My feet were starting to go numb from being wet and cold.

"Spoken like a true girly," said Blank, as though his insults would redeem his evilness in the eyes of his compadres. Heaven forbid him trying to act like a pleasant human being! We can't have that now can we? Sadly I was too preoccupied with my squelchy sodden feet to throw a decent comeback at him. Begin the meticulous ass-whupping plotting. Ah violence, without you no one would take me seriously.

"C'mon, I'll show you where the dressing room is," Zidane said smiling, prizing Marcus's arm off him and leading the way.

"Going for it already Zidane?" whooped Marcus. Great, if the monsters don't kill me off then I'm sure the incredible amount of testosterone in the air will.

"You're so typical," snided Blank. I mean jeez, did Marcus hit a sore spot or what?

"Dude, you have issues," I said.

"What d'you mean by that?" he said, both affronted and confused.

"I think you'll need to keep those love potions for yourself," grinned Zidane, tugging me along leaving a befuddled Blank in our wake. We entered the next room via a huge hole in the wall, I couldn't tell if there was normally a door there or not. The room was strewn was planks of wood, half charred rugs and other bits of semi-destroyed detritus. Zidane started to move some rubbish away from a blocked door when-

"FIRE!! FIIIIREE! LET ME OUT!!!"

"AHH!" I yelled in surprise. Marcus jogged into the room.

"That rough is he?"

"Oh f'heaven's sake!"

"Shouldn't you be keeping an eye on the knight?" laughed Zidane, jerking his thumb towards another door.

"Yeah I guess so," said Marcus, scratching the back of his head. "Don't care for him much. 'Swear I haven't met anyone louder, _and_he's supposed to be ill."

"I second that notion," I mumbled.

"Alright then! Let's get all this out the way," said Zidane, taking away a hefty looking table leg. I picked up an end of a long plank whilst Marcus grabbed the other; we hauled it off to a corner and came back for the others. There wasn't an awful lot to move, so it was done pretty quickly.

"Wow, I actually feel alright," I said, mostly to myself. I hadn't been hit by any more nausea, which I had been expecting when I moved the stuff around. My head and back still hurt like a bitch though.

"Blank's medicine's always work. Don't tell him I said that though," Zidane joked with a finger to his lips. I didn't get it, no medicine should be able to work that fast… should it?

Marcus retreated to stand outside Steiner's room. I could faintly hear Steiner talking to himself, no doubt planning our imminent execution or something. Zidane opened the now cleared door and motioned inside.

"After you."

"Cheers," I replied, smiling. I started to walk past him, but stopped as he gave a weird look.

"What? What is it now?" Have I done something wrong? Is this like not knowing what on earth monsters are?

"You said 'cheers'."

"..Yes I am well aware of that," I replied a little testily. Zidane laughed.

"Woah, you're sounding like a noble now! It's just I've never heard a woman say 'cheers' before, and believe you me I've heard women say _a lot _of things." Mmyes I'm sure you have mate.

"It's that big a deal is it?" I asked confusedly.

"Nah, not really. It's just that I can't place you." He cocked his head and leaned in, inspecting me. "Where're you from anyway? I don't recognise your accent." Accent? Well I suppose it stands to reason, they all sounded a little odd to me at any rat_e_.

"I'm from the land of 'If I don't get changed soon I'll die of pneumonia.'"

"Nuumowhat?" Nu ma nu ma iei! ...Shoot me now.

I let out a huff of exasperation and finally entered the room. That was a bit of a narrow call, I'd have to come up with some sort of backstory sooner rather than later.

The room was long and narrow, made narrower by the large rack of clothes taking up a whole wall. There was also a Victorian screen, one of those things you change behind, in the far corner. Other than those two things the room was pretty bare, save for the few outfits and bits of wood littering the floor.

"Mirror's just there," said Zidane, pointing at a large mirror that hung right next to the door. "Ruby's clothes are mostly down the far end, and I think there's a bucket of water near the screen."

"That's brill, really great, thanks," I said, already looking at the clothes. Then a thought struck me and I spun round. "Wait a tic, is there a lock on the door or anything?"

"There_is,_ but the key could be anywhere. You'll have to use Ruby's screen down the end there, sorry about that."

"Mm, it's alright. Guess it can't be helped," I said, trying not to remember that I was on the SS Testosterone.

"I'll tell the guys not to come in here. I'll try and get them to lay off the jokes too, you seem miffed," he said, sticking his tongue out at me. I let out a slow breath whilst finding what to say.

"It's no biggie really, the jokes that is. I've got friends who are, heh, a lot worse than you guys." Zidane raised an eyebrow that said 'I highly doubt that' but I carried on anyway. "Normally I'd laugh along but all this… I'm just sore, tired and hungry; with the prospect of heading back out there. Still, you have permission to konk me on the head if I get too moody." I grinned but Zidane had gotten serious again.

"…You're going to go after the Princess?" asked Zidane. I blinked.

"I thought we all were; it's obvious, isn't it? Could be any one of us in that damn thing right now."

"…I'm going to check on the mage, Vivi right? I'll see you in a bit." He left before I could ask about the change of subject. What weird people. I closed the door behind him and rubbed my hands eagerly. Dress montage! Well there isn't an awful lot of time for that. Better look in that mirror first.

I side stepped into the view of the mirror and blanched. Holy crap on a stick! I looked awful! Absolutely bloody awful! A frickin' car wreck made up of 52 cars and an exploded lorry that had contained ten year old gelatin! No wonder Blank had said 'no thank you', not that I actually care for his opinion.

My hair was sticking out at all angles and full of mud and twigs, with blood matting up the side of my head. My face was dirty with black stuff wiped across my general mouth area, and some splattered on my shirt. Talking about the clothes, what wasn't dirty was torn up, and in the case of my jeans soaking wet. I pulled off my shoes and socks, which was deeply unpleasant, and tossed them to the side.

Wait, Zidane said there was a bucket of water at the other end. I scurried down in that direction and found said bucket. It devoid of water, but there was a small tap sticking out the wall. I stuck the bucket underneath and turned the tap, lo and behold, water! Cold, but never-the-less water. I thank the people in this place who invented pipes.

I knelt down, took off my glasses (which by some miraculous reason were unaffected by my general grubbiness) and plunged my head into the water, furiously scrubbing away at my hair. The side of my head stung in protest and my hands were going as numb as my feet, but I persisted. If I was cold before, now I was utterly freezing. However I preferred freezing over staying dirty so I continued to attack my hair until I couldn't hold my breath anymore. After that I scrubbed my face and mouth and,

"Aahh the water's down my neeeck!! Ee eah nuhhh!"

After the cleaning frenzy, I slipped my glasses on and went to look in the mirror again. Well, I was certainly a lot better. My hair wouldn't take too long to dry what with it being so short, and I could finally see my face! Mission accomplished.

I meandered to the far end of the clothes rack and started rifling through the clothes. They ranged from overly flamboyant costumes to normal, if dated clothes. Better do as the locals do, I'm quite sure that black splotched spongebob shirts aren't this seasons top buy.

A fairly frilly top caught my eye, mostly because it was my favourite shade, cornflour blue. I quickly threw it on behind the screen and scuttered to the mirror. Well that wouldn't do, not remotely. It was alright fitting in most areas save the chest.

This is going to be a wee bit of a problem.

I huffed, disappointed and went back to the far end to look for something more appropriate. But _would_I find something more appropriate? Maybe she had some older, smaller clothes that might fit? Well I hoped so anyway, I can't go out there boobs-a-blazing as it were.

I went back to flicking through the clothes, and there was quite a selection. It seemed that they kept their normal clothes in amongst the costumes. Personally I thought that was a bit silly, I suppose it saved space. I tried on a few other tops that I liked, but again they were ill fitting. Also this Ruby character didn't appear to have any trousers! Skirts pouring out her ears, don't know how anyone can stand it.

Don't get me wrong, skirts are all very lovely, but certainly not suitable for bravely charging into battle and rescuing the princess held captive by vege-monsters. Whilst desperately trying to locate a pair of trousers I tuned into my mental iPod and started humming away.

"She's into superstitions, black cats and voodoo dolls.." Okay that wasn't humming. My mum would disown me if she knew I was singing a Ricky Martin song. Actually she would just disown me for my awful singing. Still, I needed an upbeat song to keep me happy. Hey look at that, a pair of trousers! And they don't look like they've been worn, excellent.

"I feel a premonition, that girl's gonna make me fall..."

Somehow I managed to yank off my sodden jeans, though I managed to trip myself up in the process. Looks like the trousers, which were grey, fit!...ish I need to acquire myself a belt to help keep them up.

"She's into new sensations, new kicks in the candle light!

She's got a new addiction, for every day and night!"

At this point I was started dancing around the room, a highly embarrassing spectacle if there was anyone present. Luckily there wasn't, and I carried on singing, unaware that I was steadily getting louder.

"She'll make you take your clothes off and go daaaaaancing in the raaaiiin! She'll make you live her crazy life but she'll take away your pain, like a bullet to your brain!

Up-side-in-side-out!!

She's livin' la vida loCA!!"

I was only vaguely aware of angry voices in the background, but I was having too much fun dancing around and mincing about with the clothes. I had also acquired an invisible microphone. Fun stuff.

"She'll push-and-pull-you-DOWN! Livin' la vida locaa!

Her lips-are-de-vil-red, and her skin's the colour of mochaa!"

Footsteps crashing.

"She-will-wear-you-oouut!"

Crashing closer.

"Livin' la vida loca!"

Angry yelling.

"Livin la vida loca!"

It was dawning on me that I sounded like a stupid tit.

"She's.. livin'..."

"WHO TH' HELL'S MAKIN' THAT AWFUL RACKET!!"

"Ho-shiz!!" I cried, diving unthinkingly at the row of clothes. My head collided with the wall and a whole pile of clothes and horribly hard wooden coat-hangers rained upon me. As my head spun I heard the door crash open with a loud sneeze (wait.. what?) and the heavy footsteps stopped at my current mangled position. Someone moved a piece of clothing out of my eyes and King Leo's face was hovering above me. I was momentarily confused, what the hell's King Leo doing invading my happy happy fun time sing a long?

"Gwahah! Who're you?" he asked.

"I'd ask the same thing about you, except minus the manic laughing," I replied. Oh bugger, I'm saying what's in my head. It didn't seem to bother the man above me though, because he guffawed again and helped me up. I'm being helped up a lot recently aren't I?

"Name's Baku girly, you gotta name? Hmm… you're that girl who ran onto the stage aren't ya?"

"...Name's Daisy. And yeah, I did, run onto the stage that is," I said, trying to ignore the pounding pain between my ears.

"Don't suppose you heard who was makin' that din?" It didn't sound accusatory, so I lied.

"It's that knight. Y'know, the one locked up in the next room? Awful. I tried to cover my ears but, didn't quite work."

"I can see that. Sure it weren't you?"

"Completely sure. I know for a fact I can't sing, I'm not stupid enough to actually try." Ooh that's bad karma for you Daisy, bad BAD karma. No Tabansi-brand cookies for you.

"Mm, a'right then. I have a bone to pick with him anyway. Gwahahahah-HA-CHOO!!"

"..."

"I'll see ya round girly." He got up and exited the room, leaving me with a moist face and an expression of revulsion.

"That's DAISY!!" I yelled, before having round two with mr bucket.

Hair sopping wet again I emerged in front of the mirror again to see what I had clothed myself in during my singing spree. I didn't look too bad actually. I had a small red jacket-like top with white rim on, which if I dare say so myself looked rather fetching. I had the grey trousers on and they were held up by a brown belt. Actually, I seemed to suddenly be covered in belts, there were two in my wrist bands and a few circling round my boots. Still, it all looked good. At last I was satisfied with my general appearance. I didn't _really_care what anyone thought of me or how I looked, but being pleased with my reflection puts me in a more confident mood.

I started to the door then rushed back to my jeans, taking out the money. Can't forget the moneys. I pushed open the door and spotted Zidane coming up the steps. He was rubbing his tummy, but he looked quite happy for some reason. I fought the urge to hide because he might have heard my less than lovely singing, but I figured I'd keep blaming Steiner.

"Zidane?"

He turned, and stared.

"Heeey lookin' good!" he declared with a double thumbs up; I laughed in response.

"Thanks! A lot bloody better than what I had on earlier at any rate," I said.

"You have quite a lot of cuts though, have you taken a potion yet?" he asked, though he already knew the answer. Before I got a chance to reply he tossed me a small clear bottle. I only just caught it.

"Swiped it off Boss," he grinned as I fumbled.

"Boss?" I asked whilst peering at the blue substance sloshing around inside the bottle. Looked as though there was only enough to fill a teaspoon.

"That's Baku, though he kicks our butts if he catches us saying that," he said with a sort of longing chuckle. "By the way, I haven't poisoned that potion.

"Oh, um, right," I said, uncorking the bottle. I brought it up to my face and Zidane looked at me expectantly. Well, here goes nothing.

It didn't taste of anything in particular, the best I can say is that it had a peppery sweet aftertaste. I felt my arm tingle and I looked at it in bewildered amazement. My skin was healing, right in front of me. New skin was knitting itself over small cuts and abrasions like someone had pressed the fast forward button. The side of my head tingled along with anywhere else I'd been hurt, and finally my headache had gone!

I blinked and noticed Zidane's gaze. I averted any potential questions by asking one myself.

"Um, are we going after her yet?"

"Sure am, just need to get a hold of the ol' rust bucket and Vivi, then we'll be off." He started to turn off, then had second thoughts. "…You don't have a weapon do you?" It was more of a statement than a question.

"No I don't, I'm sure I'll survive though."

"Ahh don't be like that, you really could do with a weapon."

"But.. what'd thing-me-bob.. Baku say? And I'd have no idea how to handle any kind of weapon." That is unless you're calling my fists weapons, and I'm much more confident with them than possibly impaling myself on some stabby thing. Mind you, I'd rather not go bare hand fighting with one of those fang things.

"No better time to start learning!" he said. "Let's go, the quicker we get out there the better." He strode into Steiner's room, leaving me to sigh and follow him. As I walked in Steiner was on his feet, already looking pissed.

"Come on, you're too old to be playing with a doll." And I highly doubted that comment would improve things. Doesn't mean he was incorrect though, I spied the small ragdoll in Steiner's gauntlets. "Your singing's awful by the way."

Zidane winked at me and I looked away embarrassed. I don't suppose a lot escapes his notice.

"Sing- Be silent! A scoundrel like you couldn't possibly understand!" he barked, pointing an accusing finger. I noticed the other hand grip the doll tighter. "I am overwhelmed with concern for the Princess! If you and your band of rogues hadn't kidnapped her… this is all your fault!!"

I wasn't sure if I should've been feeling sorry for him or just plain irritated. I'm sure he meant well, he just wasn't putting forward a very convincing case.

"If anything happens to the Princess I'll have your heads!"

"Toss off I haven't done anything!" I exclaimed angrily. He has so killed my happy dance mood.

"Woah take it easy you two," said Zidane, trying to be the peacemaker.

"Take it easy?! The Princess could be dead by now thanks to you scoundrels!"

"Listen, we're going after her right now. If you're good I'll let you come along."

"…"

"What do you say Rusty, friends?"

"R-RUSTY?! I am Adelbert Steiner, Captain of the Knights of Pluto! I will never work with you conniving thieves!!"

"_Thief. Singular,_" I stressed, pointing at Zidane, who grinned proudly.

"Hmph, just like a thief to pin the blame on someone else." I gritted my teeth irritably. Ugh, I hated this so much! His head must be three foot thick or something. Normally I'd pursue the matter, simply because I'm incredibly stubborn. Instead I just sighed in defeat, crossed my arms, and leant against the wall.

"Listen," said Zidane bringing us back to the topic at hand, "this has nothing to do with Tantalus. This is something I've decided on my own, I just want to save Garnet."

"Hmmph. If I find you're lying about this, I won't hesitate to kill you for crimes against Alexandria!"

"Yeah yeah, I'm countin' on you Rusty," said Zidane nonplussed.

"Don't count your chickens before they hatch," I muttered.

"Where do you stand in this?" asked Steiner, almost civilly. I think my chicken comment confused him into temporary submission.

"I'm coming along too."

"Why? What are you two plotting?" Straight into the accusations, doesn't waste any time with niceties does he?

"We plan on luring you all out so we can feed you to our almighty planty overlords," I smiled. Ah, if only.

"Y-YOU'RE IN LEAGUE WITH THE MONSTERS?!" he cried. Zidane and I burst into hearty laughter. If looks could kill, we would be dead from Steiner's glare. He harrumphed before continuing.

"We will be requiring Master Vivi's assistance if we are to succeed in the rescue of the Princess."

"Why're you calling him Master?" asked Zidane.

"You fool, that black mage has unimaginable powers! I would rather he didn't get involved but alas, it cannot be helped." I rolled my eyes.

"Oh this is interesting," I said lightly. "One minute you're prepared to lopp his head off in the name of bloody Alexandria-"

"Don't you dare talk abou-"

"-the next you're crawling on your knees to him because you find yourself incapable of beating up an overgrown shrubbery! If someone's life wasn't in danger here I'd hope he'd tell you to bogg off."

Steiner stared at me as though my accusations were completely unfoundedly ridiculous.

"Well, what're we standing here for? Are we going to beg for his mercy? This is presuming we're not in allegiance to the Evil Shrubbery."

"Oh please! Do not take me for a fool! Believe me when I say that after this I shall deal with both of you!" he stalked out the room, giving me a chance to talk to Zidane.

"That was something alright!" he chuckled, albeit quietly as not to anger the tin can yonder.

"Mm yeah," I said waving him off. "What d'you mean this is something you're doing on your own?"

"Boss… Baku wasn't prepared to go after the Princess. So I had to leave Tantalus." He said this without a hint of losing his cheerfulness. I couldn't tell if this was a mask or if he was just genuinely cheerful. One way or the other I got the impression that leaving Tantalus was a fairly big deal.

"Oh no!" I said sincerely, "Why would you do that?"

"Can't leave a pretty girl in danger can I? Like you said, it's obvious isn't it?"

"Yes but…"

"Quickly!" cried Steiner, "The sooner we see Master Vivi the sooner we can save the Princess! There is not a moment to lose!"

"He's got a point," said Zidane.

"Better write it down it'll be the only one he ever makes." We both laughed and walked out the room, Zidane leading the way to Vivi's room. Steiner's armour clanked irritably behind us, he really needed a good oiling or something.

"Hey, not bad," remarked Marcus as we passed him. "Still, it'll take more than that to win the fair heart of Blank."

Zidane snorted and I tried to suppress a chuckle, Steiner hopped angrily on the spot.

"This is no time for tom-foolery!" he barked, barging past us and into Vivi's room. Zidane just shrugged at Marcus and followed Steiner's path of rampage. Vivi was already sitting up when we got in.

"Master Vivi-" began Steiner.

"You feeling better Vivi?" I butted in, he nodded his head. He seemed a bit bewildered about the sudden congregation around him.

"Well, we're going after the Princess now," said Zidane.

"Really? That's great! I hope you find her alright."

"Actually we wanted you to come with us."

"Huh?? Me? B-but I can't do anything…"

"Bollocks!" I said, and got glares from both Steiner and Zidane. I went red and mumbled an apology.

"Excuse this cretin's awful manners Master Vivi. And on the contrary, your magic was most effective against that monster." Vivi looked up. "In all honestly I hold your power in much greater esteem than I do these scoundrels."

"B-but I'm scared… I couldn't… even move…" he said, his head lowering and his hands fumbling.

"I implore you Master Vivi, for the Princess and Alexandria, I humbly request your assistance."

"You're a black mage for crying out loud! Show us what you've got!" enthused Zidane. Vivi looked as though he'd never received a 'thank you' in his life let alone all this confidence boosting.

"…Okay," he said finally. "I'll t-try my best."

"Great, let's go," said Zidane leaving the room.

"Thank you Master Vivi," half-bowed Steiner. When I didn't immediately follow Zidane Steiner shot me a look. I sighed and left, leaving Steiner to whatever business he had with Vivi. I hoped it was grovelling.

When I got out, I banged my head against the wall.

"Do-not-swear-in-front-of-min-ors," I said in between each bang, then stopped before I gave myself another headache.

"No need to beat yourself up over it," said Zidane.

"I'm doing it before Steiner gets at me," I replied, rubbing my forehead. At that moment Vivi and Steiner came out the room.

"You good to go Vivi?" I asked.

"Y-yeah," he said, looking ten times more nervous.

"Don't sweat it, you'll be fine," said Zidane, giving an encouraging smile. "Before we go though, we're going to need a few potions and a weapon for Daisy."

"Hmmph, make it quick," grumbled Steiner.

We all exited the ship, to where Cinna was standing guard to all the saved possessions. He still had that hammer in hand for some reason. Well, each to their own I suppose.

"Where is that monkey now?" said Steiner angrily. Okay, so maybe we hadn't all come outside.

"Give over I'm sure he'll be out soon," I said. Vivi still looked nervous.

"C'mon Vivi you'll be alright," I said encouragingly. "Those plant things'll be a piece of cake for you!"

"Hah! Yeah, right," said Cinna.

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"_Evil Forest_, remember?"

"Well you haven't seen Vivi in action," I retorted.

"I don't need to, Evil Forest."

"Nice to know you can sleep at night when you belittle kids." Cinna's face fell.

"I'll never be able to sleep again," he said forlornly.

"Uh…"

"Not about the kid, it's…" he looked around then motioned me over. I think Steiner yelled something about more plotting, but I wasn't listening and I went over.

"Y'see it's.. have you seen a doll?"

"I don't see what that's got to do with.."

"Have you??" he repeated, almost desperately.

"Uhm, well I…"

"Daisy!" I heard Zidane say, accompanied with a clap on the back. "What're you two talking about?"

"Nuthin'," said Cinna quickly.

"Whatever. We need some potions and one of the broadswords."

"I can't wield a sword!" I exclaimed. "I've got no upper arm-strength."

It's true. I went to a medieval theme day once, people dressed up with activities and all sorts of stuff. They had this sword thing, and to prove you're strong you had to lift the sword, via the tip, and hold it out parallel to your shoulder. I could barely get it off the ground.

That, and I lose every single arm-wrestle ever.

That said I can punch pretty hard, I've never been able to fathom it.

"It doesn't make a difference either way," said Cinna. "You're not in Tantalus anymore, you're gonna have to pay."

"What! I can't pay for it! We gotta go now!"

"Sorry Zidane, no can do. You know the Boss'd kill me." He looked petrified of the very thought.

Several things sprang to mind, not least to say bribery. He seemed pretty desperate for that doll of his, and we needed the supplies, and he probably had it coming for being a mean git.

On the other hand I pride myself on being a moral person, and something such as bribery just made me itch. We're not horribly desperate I guess, but another part of me was thinking 'free stuff! Freeeee stuuuuff!' As my brain wrestled with this dilemma Zidane sighed.

"Alright alright, how much for say… six potions? And one of the swords."

"No honour amongst thieves," snided Steiner, ignored by all.

"That would be…" Cinna paused for a moment to work out the maths in his head. "Aboouut… 630gil."

"630gil! Charging me at full retail price! No deal Cinna, make it 250 and I might consider taking those things off your hands."

"250 you must be off your rocker! For you Zidane, I might go to 600, might, but it's only for you."

"Nah nah nah that's not even remotely fair Cinna, you can do better than that."

"Hmm, 595."

"Ahh c'mon now Cinna, anyone would've thought you didn't love me."

It went on like that for a bit, Steiner huffing and puffing in the background. The two quarrelled over the price, which, by the way, Zidane was promptly winning. My mind drifted back to the thought of bribery or blackmail or whatever you'd call it… doll-nap?

Yes, or no?

Blackmail, or forking out?

"Alright alright! We'll make it 300 but _that's it_."

"Glad we could do a deal," smiled Zidane, reaching into his pocket.

"I'll get it," I said, leaping in having produced three 100gil notes, my brain screaming in process as I did so. I didn't remember taking them out my pocket. Cinna happily took them.

"Daisy you don't need to…"

"Too late," I grinned. Inside however I was screaming 'whhhyyy?? You fool, how could you!? The moneeeey!' My brain wants to be an actor when it grows up.

"We've wasted enough time already!" bawled Steiner. "We must depart at once!"

"Okay Rusty," said Zidane, collecting the potions and handing the sword and a sheath over.

"_Captain Steiner_," Steiner gritted.

"Sure thing Rusty."

I looked at the weapon in awe; I have a sword! The one thing people never wanted me to get a hold of. Mwahahah. It was a lot lighter and thinner than I thought it would be. I was expecting it to be like Steiner's, but I could hold this fairly well in one hand and not dislocate my shoulder in the process. I'm guessing that's a good thing.

Vivi looked pretty nervous standing next to a vibratingly fuming Steiner, especially the way he was oh so discreetly shuffling away.

"Cool it Steiner you're freaking Vivi out," I said whilst experimentally twirling the sword about.

"N-no I'm alright…" Vivi lied.

"Oh, my apologies Master Vivi… WILL YOU STOP WAVING THAT SWORD AROUND!!"

I dropped the sword in surprise, the blade narrowly missing my foot. I glared at Steiner, who glared back with twice the ferocity. Grumbling I belted on the sheath and slid the sword in, and out, and in, and out…

"Okay then, let's get this show on the road!" announced Zidane, waving at us to follow him through the tree trunk. When I got to the trunk I turned around.

"Oi! Cinna! Your doll's where Steiner was held."

"OH! What room's that?" exclaimed Cinna in delight.

"Uhm, it had a load of boxes in it and.. some instruments I think and.."

"The storage room!" he cried in triumph, shooting into the ship. I rolled my eyes and made my way out the other side of the trunk. Not so much as a thank you, but I guess it was the right thing to do.

The others were waiting for me when I appeared, and we walked in silence for a little while. The creepy darkness of the forest felt pretty heavy compared to my short stay on the ship. I think the seriousness of the situation was beginning to hit at least me.

The journey back to 'kidnap clearing' was a lot easier than earlier. We weren't laden with unconscious personnel or incredibly bruised and battered from the crash. Zidane had his daggers out and was hacking away at some of the vines.

"Steiner, why don't you help? You've got a wonking great sword and all," I said.

"I do not wish to use my weapon for such trivialities, it needs to be kept sharp for when we encounter monsters." 'When', not 'if'… bugger.

"Yeah but we'll get to Garnet much quicker if you do."

"You will refer to her as 'Her Highness' or 'Princess'," grumbled Steiner, once again ignoring me.

"You're a very rude man," I said.

"What?_I_?" he spluttered, but was stopped from continuing when Zidane shushed. This was a serious shush, not the sort of shush just to annoy Steiner.

Steiner slowly unsheathed his broadsword and held it ready, eyes darting around for potential danger. Zidane was already prepared when he had said 'shush', and Vivi just jittered. I pulled out my own sword, holding it awkwardly in one hand. Needless to say I had no idea what I was doing, or what I was going to do.

A high pitched cackling arose from somewhere to my right. I turned to face that way, with my other arm blocking my body in case something came flying at me.

Something small exploded from a bush, and landed a few feet away. Its grin slipped a little as it eyed our small group.

"Fuh, a mere goblin," commented Steiner, as though it was unworthy of his killing talent.

This goblin thing was, well, goblin-like. It had a pointed crooked nose, with shabby torn minimal clothing and a knife in one over sized hand. It took a tentative step forwards and cackled again.

Zidane was closest, so the goblin leapt at him, it's knife ready to plunge into his chest. Zidane blocked the attack, the goblin dropping to the floor and then... well I didn't look at what Zidane did next. I can say it involved squelching though. I'm not normally a squeamish person mind, I'm of the sort who enjoy watching operations on the telly and that sort of thing. The goblin was so humandoid however that it seemed just a little bit wrong. Then again the tosser should learn how to evil laugh properly, cackles just don't cut it.

Without warning something smashed into my back, throwing me to the floor, breath rushing out of me. I felt four sharp sets of claws and hot breath ruffled my hair. Luckily however, before the revelation of 'there's a big hairy thing on my back' occurred to me, an explosion of heat removed the heavy blighter. I grabbed my dropped weapon before standing up again.

The fang growled at us from a safe distance, it's fur thoroughly charred.

"Cheers Vivi," I wheezed, trying to refill my lungs. He didn't reply; his eyes fixed on the fang.

The fang barked and charged in my direction, I slashed my sword down at it. Seemingly I'd misjudged the amount of force needed, for the blade only sliced into the shoulder. I'd been aiming to chop its head off. The fang squealed in pain never-the-less and I jerked my sword out and backed off.

"What on Gaia do you think you're doing??" yelled Steiner.

"I don't bloody know!" I protested, steering away from the monumentally pissed fang.

Grumbling, Steiner once again confronted our enemy, his sword at the ready. He slammed the flat of the sword into the creature knocking it over, the sound of the sword ringing reverberated around us. Before the fang got a chance to right itself, Steiner stabbed into the exposed chest. A strangled howl shot from it's throat as it jerked for a few second, before it finally fell still. Steiner placed one foot on it and tugged his sword out, dark red blood glooping out after it. He'd hit the heart dead on. Pardon the pun.

"Luverly," I commented with a grimace.

"Battle is anything but," said Steiner in a serious tone. He dug his blade into the soil to remove the blood, re-sheathed, and we continued on our way.

I fell into a moody silence as we trudged along the rushed path Zidane and I had made previously. Not that the others were any more talkative.

"What's up Daisy?" asked Zidane suddenly. I think he's got a vibe detector or something.

"Nnh, iunno. You lot are all like…" I made a stabbing motion with my hand, "stab dead on-the-floor type thing right? And I'm all 'oops sorry about the scratch thar luv'. Makes me wonder about my chances when we get to the what's-a-thing that's got Garnet."

"_Princess_," said Steiner.

"Hmm," said Zidane as we emerged into kidnap clearing. "You've got to remember that you're new to this, you can't expect yourself to be an instant expert. Judging when to swing and how much force to use will come as you fight more. You don't need to worry about the big plant, there's four of us and only one of it right? How hard can it be?"

"You're just asking for trouble saying that," I smirked. He shrugged.

"Trouble usually finds me one way or the other. Though usually the kinds of trouble I like.. he he," he said. I laughed, causing more furious glances from Steiner.

"Silence! We must locate the Princess immediately!"

"Uhm, anyone see which direction it buggered off in?" I asked, looking up at the canopy and spinning around.

"It-it went t-that way," Vivi stuttered pointing in the appropriate direction.

"Excellent Master Vivi! You will be most commended upon the rescue of the Princess," celebrated Steiner.

"Would it have travelled in a straight line?" I pondered out loud.

"I think so, though I can't say for sure," said Zidane with a hand under his chin. "It's a minion, so I'd have thought it would have gone straight to the master."

"Like an ant or bee or something?" Zidane's face lit up.

"Yeah, exactly like that."

I finally removed my gaze from the trees and saw Steiner already making in the direction Vivi had pointed in.

"Let's go, Rusty's leaving us behind. C'mon Vivi."

We jogged up to Steiner, entering into a less dense part of the forest. Now that was peculiar, I thought we'd be heading towards the centre. This meant two things. Either the mother plant wasn't the biggest nasty in the woods and lived nearer the outskirts; or we were going in the wrong direction. Honestly enough I wouldn't mind the latter.

Oh yeah, we're on a rescue mission. How could I forget with Steiner screaming it in my ear every two seconds?

Vivi was walking close along side me, his hat darting about as he looked around. I put my hand on his shoulder, which was quite frankly a strange feeling gesture. I'd normally put my hand on his head or something, but for some reason I didn't dare touch his hat.

"Vivi..." I started, unsure of what to say next. No worries Vivi we're heading into the lair of the ravenous mega-plant, and you have more luck defeating it than someone twice your age?

"Yeah?" he asked, cute as a button.

"Nevermind," I said. This didn't seem to help his disposition because his shoulders hunched up. Never mentioned I was any good at pep-talks.

We stepped over some roots into a small clearing, which harboured a small spring, bubbling out of a tree stump. Zidane was first there, cupping his hands under the small flow. He washed his face and drank deeply, the rest of us followed suit.

"I don't think it's too far," said Zidane quietly.

"What makes you say that?" I said, flicking water at him.

""I -hey don't do that ha!- I say that because of these." He pointed at creepers circling some of the nearby trees. He took me over for a closer look. The immediate trunk area surrounding the creeper was dull and practically crumbling.

"That's like, creeper vine to the extreme," I said.

"What are you looking at?" questioned Vivi who had come over.

"Let's just say you pointed in the right direction," said Zidane. Vivi looked mortified.

"I-it's not here is it?" he almost squeaked.

"Well we're not far."

"There is nothing to fear Master Vivi," said Steiner. "You are a powerful black mage, and if that wasn't enough you have the Captain of the Knights of Pluto on your side."

"Start screaming now Vivi," I joked, though my heart wasn't in it. I was actually starting to feel slightly ill from nerves. My tummy was like a giant empty pit of wigglyness.

We travelled in the direction of the creepered trees. These petered out as we walked over a floor entirely made up of these vines. The nervous ill feeling only started to get worse as I knew we were approaching our destination. I think it was starting to affect everyone else. The atmosphere felt heavy and tension was rising with every footstep. Even though I'd just had a drink, my mouth felt dry.

The ground sloped upwards to a high ridge. Zidane, who was slightly ahead of all of us, motioned down and started to army crawl to the top. Steiner mumbled something about not taking orders from thieves but got down anyway. Vivi looked at me, his eyes wider than usual.

"It's 'kay Vivi," I whispered, not feeling remotely okay. I gave his hand a bit of a squeeze and we both crawled to the top of the slope. I stopped just sort of looking over. Zidane looked nervous, which wasn't a good sign. Steiner's jaw was locked in an expression of grim determination.

I swallowed, and tried to get myself to move. I found that my body wasn't letting me. C'mon not now! I hadn't even seen what I was up against yet, and maybe that was for the better.

I craned my neck to peek over, and threw myself back onto the viney floor.

Ho-shiz.

* * *

Ho-shiz indeed.  
Finally got out of those clothes into something a bit more sexy, huzzah! Y'know I was originally going to have a scene somewhere where Steiner finally figured out I was a woman, believe me it was good in my head. However I couldn't write it in properly so it got dropped, which I think is a shame. Mind you, the only people who've ever mistaken me for a bloke IRL were these two half blind old ladies.  
No one will ever find the bodies.  
Survived it? Then review it!  
And they're MY Tabansi-brand cookies bitches::scoffs them:: 


	6. Deforestation's name is Daisy

It's another chapter! A long-ass one at that, so go get a cup of tea or a knife to gouge out your eyes. Either way's good.

First up I'd like to bow my head in lowly submission to the awesomeness that is Tabansi. Some of you folks have popped over here because, for some odd reason, she said my SI didn't make you puke! But it's all a lie, she's under the influence of her own cookies, which I might add have been stolen from me. D: How the hell can I escape reality now?? But that's not the point. The point is that you're stuck here forever! Foreeevveeeer! Just.. don't click that little x in the corner. Please?

Secondly you'll notice something different about the following chapter. Now I haven't improved, why would I do that? In fact I got me a beta reader::happy happy spongebob face:: Undeniable Mystique has trawled through this whopper of a chapter and killed off my literary bugs, which there were quite a few of. I am SO naff at continuing the correct tense. But all is well now! A round of applause people!

Thirdly your reviews make me soo happy! It's fantastic reading them, makes me feel like I have friends! Now everyone collectively 'awww' and gimme cookies.

And lastly, enjoy! Or don't, I can't force you.

Disclaimer: Newt CAN force you, so watchit.Oh, and she doesn't own nought but her wee ickle self.

* * *

Chapter six - Deforestation's name is Daisy

I'd only caught a small glimpse of our adversary, and honestly that was quite enough. I lay flat against the viney floor, petrified. How the hell had I gotten myself into this? My heart had leapt into my throat and was pounding away like a jackhammer.

"So this is the master," murmured Zidane, whose gaze hadn't left the plant- no I should say _tree_. It was that huge. "Let's go before we lose our nerve."

"Mine's already gone," I squeaked, barely audible, and trying not to throw up out of nerves. I don't think he heard me, but the expression on my face made my meaning clear.

"Alright Daisy, just relax..."

"How'm I meant to relax!?" I whisper shrieked. "That skyscraper over there could quite easily kill me before you could say Jack bloody Robinson!" I felt quite ill, and the nerves were making me less cautious of what I was saying. Thankfully no one seemed to have picked up on my skyscraper comment, or at least mistaken it for crazy talk.

Steiner grumbled something that sounded like 'cowardice'.

"No it's not cowardice, it's called scared fucking shitless. There's a difference."

"You did great against the cage thing!" encouraged Zidane. "And there's all four of us this time."

"There's no way in hell I'm going near that thing. I..." I paused for a moment and ran my fingers through my hair. "... I'm just so _scared_damnit" Sounds strange, but it actually took some effort to admit that.

"S-So am I," whispered Vivi. I looked at him and bit my lip. Everyone here was prepared to leap in after Garnet, even Vivi who's only nine years old! And here I was shaking on the floor like a fool.

Goddamnit though I'm not a brave person, even then I was struggling not to run away. Why had I been so much more confident against the Prisoncage? Probably because I'd hit my head, but the thing over the ridge was at least twice as big! You don't exactly go from ordinary prat to fearless superhero.

"You must not let your fear get the best of you," said Steiner. "Fear is merely an illusion and disadvantageous. If it's your day to die it's your day to die so you had better make the most of it." I looked at him an expression of disbelief. Illusion my arse; my heart was about to leap from my throat and head for the hills! I might even be joining it! Maybe that's what he said to his soldiers but I sure wasn't one of them.

"Dude, I don't _want_it to be my day to die. I hold my life in slightly higher esteem than that." I took a deep breath through my nose and let it slowly out my mouth."Righto then, what's the plan?" I said in an attempted jovial voice. I decided I'd just bloody well get on with it and try not to think about it. It could well have been me in her place.

"The Princess is over there..." pointed Zidane, after a moment of making sure I wasn't going to freak out. I forced myself to move so I could see.

Behind the gently swaying giant of a plant lay Garnet, her orange outfit stood out like a sore thumb. I got the impression that she was conscious, but delirious. Her head lolled to one side and she moaned, weakly trying to escape her bonds.

"Princess..." said Steiner in a forlorn manner.

"The most important thing is to get to her and give her this." Zidane brought out the purple bottle that Blank had. "Blank gave it to me, it's the seed remover. D'you think you can get round to her?"

I jumped a bit as though I'd been bitten. He expected _me _to do it?

"You expect _her _to be trusted with such a task?" said Steiner

"What he said," I added, to Steiner's surprise. Mind you, it would save me doing a bit of fighting! Huzzah! Wait, does that label me as a coward again?

"Yes," said Zidane with sincerity. "Me 'n' Vivi will be fighting it-"

"You two will stay out of this!" growled Steiner, seeming to remember that Zidane shouldn't be in charge. "Alexandria would be disgraced if mere bandits should save the princess."

"_Bandit,"_ I said.

"You think you can handle him on your own?" asked Zidane.

"..."

"Well none of us'll be able to do anything without Vivi," I said, looking at him. He was definitely as petrified as I was, perhaps more. "You're a braver lad than I'll ever be Vivi, especially seeing as I'll never be a lad."

"W-what if I can't move?" he shivered, repeating his question from earlier.

"We've all got your back," said Zidane. "Just take your time with your spells, it's better you get it right than rush it."

"...Okay," he said.

"Good. Daisy, you wait here a minute while we attack it, then try to get to Garnet without it spotting you."

I nodded, taking the bottle from him. I was feeling a midge less nervous, which I suppose was better than nothing. "Let's get him Vivi!"

I watched as Zidane leapt from his spot and charged down towards his target. Steiner unsheathed his sword, and after he and Vivi shared a meaningful look, both took off after him.

The plant itself sensed their approach and turned it's, well I think the best word is _maw,_ towards the oncoming group. Large petals surrounded from this maw, and they pumped up into a vicious red/purple mane. It hissed, revealing rows of circulating fangs, and numerous tentacles whipped up around it.

This didn't stop the onslaught upon it, though Vivi did falter briefly. Zidane collided with one of the whipping appendages, thrusting both daggers in. Black blood dribbled from the wounds, and as the plant screamed another tentacle one approached from his left. He spotted it just in time to pull his daggers out and drop to the ground, the tentacle whooshing over barely inches from his face.

I looked towards Steiner, whose sword was coated in flames. I was confused for a moment, then I saw Vivi. He had his hands in front of him, head bent slightly in concentration.

"Hyaah!" bellowed Steiner, slicing the blade through the creature's body leaving a charred wound in its wake. A pained roar erupted from the plant, making the ground tremble from even where I was sat. A buzzing filled the air, Steiner's eyes widened in shock just before a swarm of bolts descended on him.

Oh fuck now the plant ccould do magic?? My day was just full of fun laughs wasn't it? Not to mention rhetorical questions!

I took a deep breath and started to make my move, the plant seemingly distracted enough. I crawled along the bumpy vines, trying to stay out of sight as possible. My heart was pounding in my ears now, along with the grunts and cries of my comrades in battle. I felt more wimpish than ever. Still, I was determined to get something done, having been trusted with getting Garnet out of harms way.

I looked up to check where Garnet was, and found her close to me. Close enough that I could see the greenish tinge in her cheeks, and her eyes rolling around under her eyelids. Her breathing was shallow and minimal; the quicker I could administer the medicine the better.

She was dangerously close to the creature; I figured if I could sneak down there quietly enough, I could get her away without the plant noticing. Alright, all I had to do was move. So why was I frozen? I took another another big breath, but only managed to lean forward. Okay, after three – one two.. WHY AREN'T I MOVING?? If I was a tv show (heaven forbid) I'd be screaming 'wimp' at the screen, I really would. Get on with it woman! I pinched myself and practically yanked my body forward. Shoulders and back hunched I finally stepped onto the top of the ridge, and slowly made my way down.

I looked to where the others were fighting. Steiner was glugging a potion bottle like it was the elixir of life, and Zidane was having a small victory dance around a sliced off tentacle. Vivi shot a fireball at the plant, it writhed in more pain but, thankfully, was unable to reach Vivi. Instead, Vivi tripped up for some reason. Now that was peculiar. I realised that he was somewhat trip-prone, but he wasn't even moving.

I was abruptly aware of wiggling under my feet. I looked down, the vines were twitching about in an agitated way. Before I could react they flicked up in a wave. I lost my balanced and got shoved roughly away from Garnet.

I heard Zidane yell something in alarm and I looked up to see that the plant's face had swivelled round to face me. I tried to shuffle back, only to find that my foot was stuck under the still writhing floor of vines. I tugged at my leg in frustration and panic, but the vines held on even tighter. A swishing noise jerked my head up again. My arms flew up just in time to meet a crushing vine, which slammed me onto my back. I could almost hear my ribs creaking as they tried not to snap from the crushing. I gasped for breath as the tentacle swung away, preparing for a second slam.

I grappled for the hilt of my sword in the few moments I had spare. Finding it I wrenched it out of the sheath, repositioned my hands, and slashed blindly across. The end part of the tentacle fell onto my face and torso, whilst the rest hit me just as hard as last time. We both yelled out in pain, though the plant's shrieks drowned out my own.

Despite feeling severely tenderised and coughing painfully, I managed to hack away at the vines circling my foot. Thankfully the creature before me was too busy nursing its injury, rather than immediately trying to attack me again. I strained to my feet, stumbling slightly. I readied my sword with both my hands, waiting the inevitable retaliation with panicked short breaths.

"Are you alright??" yelled Zidane, who had backed off from another tentacle, his daggers dripping in black blood. It looked as though he had tried to get round to me, but the plant had prevented him from doing so. Flames flared behind him as Vivi unleashed another fiery explosion. Right on Vivi, I'd have held up a lighter if I had one.

"Not bloody remotely!" I yelled back, quickly averting my attention back to the attacker. The injured tentacle swung at me sideways this time. I put as much force into my own swing as I could. Black blood spattered across my face and glasses. I stumbled but maintained my balance, another steaming portion of tentacle at my feet. I hurriedly wiped the blood off with my arm, and through a sliver of sight I saw a portion of tentacle at my feet. I kicked it.

"'Effing _bastard_," I swore in semi-victory. I quickly finished wiping away the gunk, and then I realised something.

My hand felt strangely empty... oh bugger the medicine bottle! I looked around but could see only vines. Without that stuff Garnet was as good as dead. I started panicking until I saw it, almost cuddled up against Garnet's side. Oh ye gods_thank you_.

I started to run over there before Stumpy the tentacle came back again. It hovered menacingly between Garnet and me. It seemed to say 'mwahah your princess is in another castle, so piss off'. Great, my video game complex was penetrating my brain even at such a crucial moment! Besides it was lying, the princess was right there you stupid great Bowser plant! Vivi was my fire powered Mario! Whoo! (which made me what? Golf caddy Daisy?) Speaking of which-

"Vivi!" I yelled, keeping an eye on Stumpy. It hovered still, trying to act innocent; yeah well I was already onto it.

"Yeah?" I heard him reply. He sounded simultaneously scared and determined.

"Can you- can you do that fire thingy on my sword?" I shouted, just before the plant roared in pain. A clanky whumph alerted me to Steiner's current situation.

He complied almost immediately, my blade swirling with flames, making me nearly drop it in surprise. Afraid they might go out or something, I made fast towards Stumpy. It didn't have much time to react as I stabbed into it, dragging the sword along as far as I could. I stopped near where the tentacle protruded from the body, unable to force my sword any further. The tentacle jaggled in an involuntary way, accompanied by the plant shrieking. I yanked my sword out and ran around it, finally coming to Garnet. She looked worse than ever, or maybe it was because I was close up.

She was sweating in a fever, her forehead felt hot to the touch. She groaned wearily and somehow managed to open her eyes, which were unfocused and dazed.

"Righty-ho Garnet I'm just gonna get you out of here," I said in between rushed breaths, making a start of cutting her bonds.

"How lovely," she giggled weakly. "Do you think we could visit Daguerreo afterwards mother? I simply must read the original copy of I Want to be Your Canary."

"..."

Definitely delirious. I'm not even going to begin on how much I don't look like her mum.

I grabbed the purple bottle, holding the thin end in my teeth. I sheathed my sword and hooked my arms under Garnet's shoulders, and started hauling her up the slope. She was heavier than she looked I can tell you that much. She's smaller than me but you wouldn't have guessed it! Or maybe I'm just weak, but there we go. The vines beneath us twittered and wiggled, but they lacked their earlier gusto.

Again I checked the progress of the others. They all looked fairly battered and bruised, but one way or another alive. There was also a fourth red-headed character...

"Blank?? What the hell are you doing here?" I yelled, after removing the medicine bottle from my mouth. My yelling was almost accusatory, but I was secretly relieved.

"Saving your sorry arses that's what! Looks like I came just in time too."

"If you couldn't tell oh woman magnet Blank, we're doing quite well by ourselves," I said placing a hand on my hip, then realised that neither of my hands were holding Garnet.

"Oh bugger! Ahh, I'm sorry Garnet, please don't set Steiner on me! I want to _live!_" I begged as I lifted her again. She was unconscious by the looks of things, which was just as well for me.

"Doing well huh?" Blank laughed.

I ignored him and got back to the task of dragging Garnet along. I spotted Steiner, who was staring at me as though unsure whether to attack the giant weed or me. I 'eeped' and scurried over the ridge before he could seriously consider my demise.

Once safely out of harms way, in more ways than one, I rolled Garnet onto her back and uncorked the bottle. I was panting by this time, and I felt flushed and full of adrenaline. I took a moment to steady my breathing before talking.

"Garnet? You need to drink this," I panted, hauling her onto my lap for a better angle. Unfortunately she was still unconscious. Shaking and pinching failed to wake her, so I opened her mouth awkwardly and tipped a little bit of the medicine in. She sputtered and coughed in response, the taste bringing her round for a moment.

"You've got to drink this!" I pleaded quickly while she was awake. "I know it's revolting but it's the only thing that'll save you!"

I took a twitch as a sign of agreement, and she managed to gulp down the medicine. After that her eyes shut and she fell limp again.

Whoo! I did it! I don't suck! Oh wait, there was still a giant weed to deal with.

I took one last look at Garnet before hobbling over the ridge, stumbling down to meet the others.

"Where's the Princess?" demanded Steiner as a greeting. "If she is remotely harmed because of your clumsiness I'll-

"She's safe. Over there. I gave her the medicine," I explained hurriedly. "She also said not to kill me," I added for good measure.

Steiner couldn't find any fault with that so he said nothing. No 'thank you'? I am so appreciated around here. The missing word here is NOT.

"It's… resilient," commented Blank.

"Tell me about," said Zidane, having narrowly missed more sparks of lightning.

"What do you expect? It's a weed," I said, watching Vivi singe a large portion of petals. Steiner nodded to Vivi and rushed towards the plant, ducking under a tentacle and plunging his flaming sword straight in.

"What d'you mean?" asked Zidane. You know what? I do believe I was having a brainwave.

"To… to get rid of a weed you can't just chop off the plant, you've got to pull up the roots." I looked down at the living floor below; Blank voiced what I was thinking.

"These are roots!" he exclaimed, lifting a foot.

"Vivi! Steiner!" said Zidane quickly, taking charge as Steiner returned from his stab-fest. "Keep that thing busy for a while!"

I was expecting Steiner to yell 'what are you plotting' but he didn't; he nodded in understanding and leapt back into the fray of tentacles. Vivi got in closer as well, firing up his magic. He was really impressive, and honestly enough I was feeling a little jealous.

"Let's get to work," grinned Zidane.

What usable tentacles the plant still had were fixed upon Steiner and Vivi, so we were able to duck in underneath and hack through the roots. Up this close to the main body they were thicker and tougher. It took a few hackings from a sword to successfully cut through them, and the insanely close waving tentacles didn't help matters.

It didn't notice what we were up to at first, possibly because it still had plenty of supplies from it's other roots. We had gotten a quarter of the way around it before it realised what was going on, and it howled in fury. I don't know about the other two, but I was definitely spurred into faster action.

My swift increase in chopping didn't last long though, because a tentacle flew in and whacked me across the face. I fell over, hissing at the stinging gash in my cheek, my own warm blood sliding down my face. Why my face? Is it too sexy for you? Huh, huh?? Only the tip had hit me, I suspect if it had hit me any more I'd have a broken jaw or a twisted neck. Not a pleasant thought. I got up again when I heard-

"Look out!"

"Huh?"

BAM.

I am fully aware that 'look out' doesn't mean 'turn towards the sound of my voice'. My brain sadly didn't process the words the properly, so instead I got a side full of infinite pain.

I felt something crack.

I hit the floor and rolled once, twice, then eventually stopped after a half dozen. I gasped as pain flowered from two separate spots on my left side. It wasn't an incredibly extreme pain, but as mentioned before I had experienced little pain in my short existence. That and hearing cracks didn't help matters.

"AAAAHHHHHH!!" I yelled hoarsely, tears of pain coming to my eyes.

The initial pain receded slightly, enough for me to have a look at my side. No bones were poking out, my lungs didn't feel punctured (I'm sure I'd know about it if they were), so all in all not hideously injured. Though it hurt like a hot poker with even the shallowest breath.

I lurched to my right, rolling onto my tummy. I winced, looked up, and saw sparks buzzing above me. So, I kept rolling. Roll, ow, roll, ow. Actually it was more like roll, AGONY, roll, AGONY. I heard the lightning strike the ground where I lay but seconds ago.

"IIIII haaaate thiiiiis," I moaned to the roots. Wait a minute, the roots were on the surface. Didn't weeds roots go deep into the ground? Why were they spread over the top of the soil like this? Why was I worrying about such things when my ribs were broken?

"Need a hand girly?"

I propped myself up on an elbow wincingly, and looked up at Blank. I took his outstretched hand and got pulled up. I held my left side as though my ribs would pop out any moment and Blank passed me an uncorked potion. I swallowed the contents, once again feeling the peculiar tingle and the pain easing off. I was definitely a lot better, though my side still twinged and I was still as knackered as before. That was a shame really, I was hoping the potion things healed everything.

"...Thanks," I breathed gratefully with a smile, Blank nodded in reply.

The giant weed was visibly starting to droop, it's movement getting slower and sluggish. Flames erupted dead in the centre of the petals, several dropping off and crashing to the ground. I mean literally crashed, not floated, wafted, but crashed. Just as well no one was underneath.

"Nice shot Vivi!" I cried, Vivi turned to look at me. Judging by the shape of his glowing eyes, I guess he was smiling. It's so hard to tell!

The maw was now severely disfigured, and it's movements had slowed down rapidly. Just needed to finish off those roots.

Blank and I quickly rejoined Zidane, as we continued to sever through the roots the plant continued to droop, its tentacles slooping to the ground. I saw Steiner approach and clamber up the limp body, I ducked out to see what he was up to.

He made his way to the maw, standing precariously on a petal. He steadied himself them called down to Vivi.

"Now Master Vivi!"

Vivi complied and soon flames surrounded his blade. I squinted through my mucky glasses, did I see writing? What was left of the maw hissed at him, just before Steiner thrust his sword straight down into the maw. The plant screeched a final gurgling death cry; it's body shaking and convulsing for one last time before finally falling still.

Vivi thumped to the floor behind me, and I waddled over to join him. I wiped my sweaty brow with the back of my hand and let out a shaky tired laugh.

"Nurrh to you, you great big bloody weed," I said, making jabbing motions. "Homigod Vivi I love you!"

"Huh? What-AAAHHH!!"

Well I'd glomped him in my moment of euphoria, and being on a slope we tumbled all the way down. Vivi whooped, I couldn't tell if it was a good whoop or not, but I was too preoccupied with Steiner looming over me like the grim-reaper. His black-coated sword in his grip didn't help matters.

"Hugs're good," I told him before he spoke.

"Is that what it was?" asked Blank who had joined me and Vivi's tangled state. "I thought you were attacking him."

"Har de har."

"Where is the Princess?" demanded Steiner.

"Jeez, I already told you, over there," I said, pointing in the relevant direction. He clanked off as I got to my feet, Vivi giggling nervously behind me. I hope I hadn't traumatised him for life, though knowing me I'd push him over the edge soon enough.

Steiner returned with a still unconscious Garnet in his arms, holding her as though she was made of porcelain. His face was etched with worry as he looked at her.

"Has she had the medicine?" asked Blank, examining her. Steiner looked ready to batt him away from merely breathing on the princess.

"Ye-" I started to reply, but was cut off by a low trembling. The remains of the plant creature started to convulse, unknown shapes wiggling beneath its skin. The mouth of the fallen beast started to open, wider, started to rip. A ripping tearing squelching noise accompanied this, and _something _crawled unsteadily out. Whatever it was stumbled to the ground, looked up at us, and hissed.

It had a head of blood red petals, which hung limp as it crawled out. It had a pair of slanted bug like eyes, and just below these clicked a set of vicious mandibles. As it sat there, presumably resting after forcing out of its way out of its mothers corpse, the petals pumped up and became sturdier. Black blood pumped through its clear veins, strengthening its body and posture.

"What the heck is that?!" gasped Zidane as more mantis things crawled out, sounding as frustrated as I felt. One bloody plant after another. That's why the roots were on top of the soil; they were harbouring these things!

"Move it!" yelled Blank, shoving me away from the increasing mantis's. That earlier feeling of fear began to grow again as their numbers began to swamp our own. "I said MOVE!"

Finally kicked into gear I followed the already fleeing group, setting in behind Vivi and Steiner. Blank and Zidane brought up the rear.

We burst back into the undergrowth, a branch whipping my face in a friendly greeting. I stumbled blindly for a moment, opened my eyes and ran into a tree. Normally I'd cradle my smashed face for a few minutes, but a quick glance behind me dismissed that notion. I skirted round the obstruction and continued to force my way through the forest. My foot got caught under a tree root, and I fell flat on my face.

Deforestation was going to get a whole new meaning when I was done with this place.

I unhooked and my foot and pushed myself up again. Vivi flashed about in front of me and I tried to catch up. However I could only go so fast, what with the ever-present obstacles. Maybe there was some sort of tree avoiding technique that I wasn't privy to, because Zidane and Blank were suddenly running alongside me.

"Taking your time aren't ya?" panted Blank, slightly hysterical. I didn't reply, or rather couldn't reply. I wasn't an incredibly fit person, and certainly not a runner. The battle earlier had been tiring enough, my legs were already starting to seize up and my lungs burnt with each breath. Zidane had begun to overtake me when he slowed down, and looked up.

"What're you doing?" exclaimed Blank.

"The… the forest's coming after us…" I heard him say. If any more conversation was held I didn't hear it, I was well on my way ahead. Don't do a Steiner and mistake me for a coward, but if I stopped running I would not be able to carry on.

Ow I' had a bloody stitch! Gyah! Make that two! Though quite frankly I was surprised I hadn't been hit by any earlier, I was incredibly stitch prone. Half a minute into cross-country (FORCED school cross-country) and I'd be hit by a half dozen stitches.

I suddenly broke into an area clear of trees. Looking right I could see Vivi and Steiner making a break for what looked like an exit. I ran after them, hearing Blank and Zidane burst out of the trees soon after, and just behind them an orchestra of clicks and hisses. To my distress I could feel myself slowing down, my energy running out. I screamed mentally at my legs to move faster but they wouldn't, and freedom was still a fair distance away.

I heard an alarmed yell and looked back.

"Blank!" Zidane and I yelled simultaneously. Well I just wheezed out his name but it's the thought that counts.

"Just go!" he yelled from the clutches of the foremost mantis. He threw something far into the air. Zidane looked back one last time before making chase of the thrown item, it landed a little ahead of me and Zidane snatched it up. We were running beside each other and I was severely losing ground to him.

"Keep moving!" yelled Zidane. Once again I couldn't reply. If you peeked into my mind at that moment it would have looked something like this.

_Ohmyfuckingogfdi'mgonnadiepeggitpeggitpeggitIfeelillican'trunanymoreomigodomigodwhatthebloodyfucki'mgonnaeatenaliveidon'twannabeeatenahhmylegswon'trunanyfasteri'msounfitit'sgonnabethedeathofmeiwishi'ddonemoreexcerciseidon'twannafuckingdiewhythehell'severyfasterthanmepeggitpeggitpeggiti'mgoingtothrowupnmylungshurtsomuchsomuchsomuchowowshutbollocksfuckery_

Despite my mind being something of a mental shipwreck, I felt Zidane's hand grip my arm and practically start dragging me forward. He yanked me to the side when a huge great thorny vine dove into the ground just in front of me. I let out a small scream in surprise, then immediately gasped for oxygen that my muscles desperately needed.

More thorned vines slammed into our path, Zidane had to shove and pull me about just to keep out the way.

"JUMP!!" yelled Zidane suddenly. I did so, but I was a fraction too late. A horizontal vine caught my toes. I flipped once over in the air, and skidded into the dirt. I heard more smashes a distance ahead of me, and a loud final crash. As I lay, face in the dirt, the forest fell silent.

I propped myself up on my elbows, and immediately threw up. I gulped desperately at the air, trying to control throwing up again. I stopped my wobbling arms from dropping me into the puke puddle and stood up. I was still breathing heavily, with my heart fluttering at a hundred miles an hour.

Before me stood a wall of thorns, I reached forward slowly and touched one. It was cold and smooth. I leant in closer and found that it was made of stone. I blinked, then gasped and spun round. I weaved my head around but could see no sign of Blank. I hadn't been turned to stone, perhaps he hadn't either. Or rather, I hoped he hadn't. I hadn't been touching any of the forest though, and Blank...

I heard banging behind me and looked round again.

"Dammit! Those idiots!" I heard Zidane say, in between bashing. I tried to say something but all I could at that point was wheeze. Told you I was unfit didn't I? "No.. I'm the idiot. If I.. if I'd done more then maybe they…"

"Sorry to burst your bubble but there's at least one idiot left here," I said, finally finding my voice.

"Daisy?!" exclaimed Zidane.

"No, you're uncle Bob, _'course_it's me," I replied.

"Is… is Blank there?" he said, he voice wanting to believe but not disappoint himself.

"I don't know, I could go back and look."

"That.. yeah could you? Hang on, take this."

"Take what? If it hasn't escaped your notice there's a huge great- OW!"

Something hit me on the head; I suppose Zidane had chucked it over the wall of thorns. Grumbling I picked it up. It was a small case, which flipped open like a compact mirror. Inside it had a small amount of what looked like white paste.

"Uhh, what is it?"

"It's a soft," explained Zidane very unhelpfully.

"What, pray tell, is a soft?" I said wearily, not really caring how ignorant I came across. I'm sure I'd regret it later.

"It cures petrification," he said after a pause. "You put some on your thumb and wipe it on him, anywhere'll do. That is.. if he's..."

I got the jist.

"See you in a bit." I pocketed the soft and made a start to climb over the rockified vine in front of me. I was still tired from the run, but if there was a chance of saving Blank then I was going to take it. I was on a saving people streak.

I hoisted myself over a vine, avoiding the still lethal spikes. My legs ached in protest when I dropped over the other side, but I ignored them and crawled under the next obstacle.

The cluster of mantises weren't far off, and once clear of the spikes I limply jogged over to them. I climbed up on one and was shocked to see how far back they stretched. But what shocked me more was the petrified Blank to my left.

In screamed in both shock and fear and I fell off the mantis I'd been clambering up. I somehow repressed throwing up again, but I couldn't keep my eyes off him, which were beginning to overflow.

He was locked in a never-ending struggle to release himself from his captor. I think what got to me most was the expression on his face, which was a mixture of determination and dawning inevitability. Then I remembered I had the soft thing and released the breath I hadn't realised I'd been holding.

I hoisted myself up again and flipped open the case, hauling a fair amount onto my thumb. With a shaking hand I wiped it across his cheek and waited. The white paste seemed to sink into the rock but that was it.

"…Blank?" I asked unsurely. No reply, nor any change in his state. I heard running footsteps and Zidane calling Blank's name. I jumped up in shock and ran towards him.

"Goddamit Zidane don't look!" I yelled in panic.

"Blank? BLANK??" he yelled shoving past me despite my efforts. He stopped when he spotted Blank; his whole body suddenly froze.

"Jesus you stupid… I told you not to look!" I said upset, trying to pull him back. He wasn't having any of it though and shoved me off roughly. He took an unsteady step forwards.

"BLANK!!" he yelled, his voice reverberating uselessly around the forest. He spun round at me.

"Did you give him the soft?" he demanded.

"Yeah, I did," I replied.

"No you didn't," he said, shaking his head in denial. "The soft.. it will work.. it _has _to work!"

I produced the soft and tossed it to him. He immediately started slavering it desperately all over Blank. Once again it sank in, but it failed to revive Blank.

"Blank…" he murmured sadly. I sniffed myself and furiously wiped away my own tears. Of course I hadn't done anything more than have a brief conversation with Blank, not that it made much difference to how I felt. I was so scared that he was conscious in there, not being able to move or anything. I chewed my wobbling lip in frustration and just stood there. I wondered whether to say anything to Zidane or not, I wasn't really sure of the best course of action in this situation.

Thinking about how I would feel, I'd tell any caring hand to piss off, but secretly cling to the attention. Maybe that's just me because I'm screwed up inside. So on that basis I decided to stay but say nothing, mostly because whatever I might have said would probably have made things worse. 'I'm sorry' is a definite, if tempting no-no. Or perhaps if I had a death-wish I would do a Doctor Who and go 'sorry I'm so sorry'.. ugh.

It felt like I'd been standing there an age, though it was probably more like a few minutes. Zidane wasn't sobbing (like I was, oh the shame); he was just silent. I couldn't see his face so I had no idea what was going through his mind. When I'd finally calmed down to hiccups Zidane turned round.

"Well, no use standing round here all day. Let's get back to the others."

I put on my 'eh?' face, which was interjected by a hiccup.

"Blank would get a great kick out me moping, I'm not going to give him the satisfaction," he grinned. How the hell can he be grinning? Freak! Freeeaaak!

"…Ri -hic- right," I said bluntly.

"C'mon, let's go before Sir Rustalot thinks were plotting something."

I hiccuped as a reply and fell into step alongside him. I suppose he had come round to some sort of personal conclusion, though it still felt awful quick to me. Or maybe there was another way of saving him… I wouldn't know. I wanted to ask but decided against it.

"I'm glad you're safe though," he said, as though trying not to leave me out.

"So am I," I said with a watery chuckle. "And by the look of things –hic- Garnet should be aswell."

"Yeah..." he said, zoning as we clambered over a vine. I had a thought.

"She's quite –hic- pretty isn't she?" I said casually, though I was smirking to myself.

"Pretty? She's more than that she…" he paused, stopped, and looked at me. "What're you getting at?"

"Nuuurrrthing."

"Yes you are."

"Nuh-uh."

"Yuh-huh."

"Nuh-hic-uh."

"Yuh-huh."

We made it back to the wall of vines and made a short detour around it, very much continuing the 'nuh-uh yuh-huh'ing, though frankly my heart wasn't in it. It didn't take long to find a gap that led us out of the stone forest. I looked and saw Vivi and Steiner a little way off, sitting round a fire.

"There's something I don't get," I started as we made over in their direction.

"Yuh-What?"

"How come there was, like, a path? Like near the edge of the forest. I got the impression people didn't go into Evil Forest."

"They don't, usually. But you do get explorers, the ones who are fearless enough to try and tackle that place. I don't think the forest was very happy about that."

"You make it sound as though it has a mind of it's own." Y'know I think my hiccups were gone.

"I think it does, it wouldn't have turned to stone otherwise, or come after us like that."

I didn't really have a reply to that. It turned to stone just to kick us out? A defence mechanism from destroying that mega mucho plant? Who the hell knew, but I didn't care. I just wanted to get to that fire, sit down, and have a giant mug of tea. Unfortunately the last option wasn't really an option, but two out of three would be a good start.

I practically collapsed next to Vivi, who jumped in surprise.

"Daisy!" he exclaimed happily.

"Doin' alright Vivi?" I said wearily, though feeling a bit better from his enthusiasm.

"I-I'm alright," he nodded. "Your eyes are red."

"Probably just the light from the fire," I lied, not really in the mood to go into that. I glanced across at Steiner, who was watching Garnet with the intensity of a hawk. Again, I noticed this other side of Steiner. Though his face was grim it was full of fatherly concern, unlike his usual blind anger. Garnet, perhaps only you could prevent Steiner from chopping my head off in retribution.

She was looking a lot better it had to be said, her breathing was bordering on normal and the green tinge was practically gone from her cheeks. I spotted Zidane looking at her as well. It only just occurred to me that this entire affair had revolved around this renegade Princess. Yes, I'm slow on the uptake, so sue me; I had more pressing matters to think about.

"I hope she gets better soon…" said Vivi forlornly, breaking in on my slow thoughts.

I started to say something positive but Steiner decided to ruin the tranquillity of the moment.

"This is all his fault!" he spat suddenly, then stood up and pointed an accusing finger. "Have you nothing to say you filth?"

Steiner's yelling could have woken the dead, but seeing as there was no dead in the vicinity he woke Garnet up instead.

"…Oh," she moaned softly as she sat up. The entire group seemed to relax as she did so. Garnet the living morphine-woman!

"P-princess!" he stuttered in surprise and immense relief.

"…Steiner?" she said slowly. "How... how did I survive? You brought me here?"

"It is my sworn duty to protect you at all costs," he saluted.

"Cheeky tosser, taking all the credit," I said huffily. Steiner glared and Garnet jumped a little, noticing there were other people.

"What are you talking about? It was my dagger, Vivi's magic and Daisy's…" he paused to think of what exactly I'd done that could fit into one word.

"Sword?" I offered. "…Well, you can't say that really because I can't use it."

"That's true."

"You're not supposed to agree! ...Distractional qualities?"

"Nope."

"Medicine administration talents?"

"Nah nah…"

"Human punchbag survival tactics?"

"No!" he laughed. I thought for a moment.

"Spiffingly marvellous good looks?"

"Enough of this nonsense!" bellowed Steiner, his face the colour of beetroot.

"Oh! I know! My um, what's the word, tactical manoeuvres! The whole root thing. Tactics." Mind you, I suspected that would be a one off. I wasn't known for my intelligence exactly.

"Oh yeah! That's it. Anyway Princess, we got you out of there," said Zidane seriously, motioning a hand around the group.

"I thank you three," she said regally after a moment. She looked at me with an expression I couldn't quite fathom. Was it interest? Fascination? If so I think she's still ill.

"Those two scoundrels deserve no praise!" floundered Steiner, waving at both Zidane and I. "None of this would have happened if your band hadn't abducted the Princess! And how _dare _you claim that you rescued her! When we get back to Alexandria I will ensure that you-"

"Steiner. I left the castle of my own will," said Garnet firmly. That shut Steiner up, he just gaped like a goldfish.

"What a coincidence eh?" grinned Zidane, looking appreciatively at Garnet. "We went to snatch her, and she wanted to be snatched."

"I-it's impossible!" finally spluttered Steiner, looking pleadingly at Garnet for consolation.

"It's true," nodded Garnet.

"What d'you say Rusty, friends? Come on, let's enjoy this camping trip while it lasts."

"Camping-you imbecile! Surely even you know something about the Mist! The vicious monsters it spawns! The abnormalities it stirs in the mind and body!"

I was listening intently at this point. Mist? He said it as though it had a capitol letter. So this Mist stuff wasn't just some abnormality from my home, it was from here, and what's more it produced the monsters. I stared at the fire with a hand on my chin. Maybe this entire affair was a figment of my trippy imagination, if Steiner was correct in saying it screwed your head up.

Then again if it produced monsters, however that worked, then it could well be capable of doing other things. For example, yanking me from my home in England. Though that didn't seem to make much sense in my mind, largely because monsters are one thing, a completely different world (universe??) is another. If I recalled correctly, Steiner had yelled 'what in Gaia' at me, and sure enough that's not Earth's name.

Well one way or another I still couldn't come up with a reasonable explanation to my predicament, despite this sliver of new knowledge. Besides, my knackered body wasn't allowing my brain to function properly. Instead my brain was making links to what was happening now to my favourite PSone oldie, Legend of Legaia.

LoL had 'The Mist,' and harboured evil Seru. Maybe there was a link, maybe there wasn't. Hey, that made Zidane, Garnet and Steiner – Vahn, Noa and Gala! It actually sort of fits.

Oi, make to reality muggins.

"Daisy? Are you sure y-you're alright?" asked Vivi. Aww he was worried about me! I felt special inside; didn't take much did it.

"I'm fine, honestly, I'm just fed up of having my eardrums gouged out by Steiner's yelling."

"Steiner! State your sworn duty!" ordered Zidane suddenly. What was this; kill Daisy's sense of hearing day? I had already lost my mind, least they could do was not take away my ears!

"What else!? To protect Princess Garnet til Alexandros!" he paused and thought about what he just said, which I suspect was Zidane's intention. "…Very well. Until the Princess recovers, I will guard this place with my life."

"Good to hear. You going to take over night watch?"

"Yes of course," said Steiner, as though the possibility otherwise was unfathomable.

"I'll take night watch," I spoke up. The entire congregation turned to look at me, and I felt myself go red under their scrutiny. I did not deserve these looks!

"Why?" questioned Zidane and Steiner together, while Zidane was curious Steiner was outright accusatory.

"Quite frankly Steiner," I said, irritated by his tone, "I refuse to put up with you being even bigger crankier git than usual tomorrow just because you haven't slept enough. That's why."

Zidane snorted, and Steiner looked incredulous.

"Aren't you tired?" asked Zidane, who looked ready to nod off himself. He moved closer to the fire and sat down. He stretched out his arms, relishing the warmth of the fire.

"Physically weary, but not tired no," I replied, and it was true as well. I suppose technically by then it would be my lunchtime, seeing as it was morning just before I had arrived there.

"I will not put up with this insolence!" declared Steiner, shaking his fist.

"Woah dude, no need to get violent, I'm trying to do you a favour." Well, do myself a favour really but he didn't need to know that.

"Perhaps we can come to a compromise," suggested Garnet.

"Okay then, how about halfies? I want to sleep eventually."

"I will not barter with a thief!" he growled furiously. "You cannot be trusted!"

"Listen smeg for brains none of us_had_ to come after Garnet y'know. If we were the untrustworthy, self-preserving, sneaky thieves you think we are we would have scarpered at the first sign on trouble!"

"Nonsense!" Steiner huffed disbelievingly. "If the Princess had been harmed you would all get the death penalty! Except you, of course, Master Vivi," he added.

"I was not aware that you were allied with the theatre troupe," said Garnet. It wasn't accusatory or angry, just a surprised matter of fact.

"She is allied with the _thieves_Princess," corrected Steiner, shooting us a look of loathing. "She has denied it but the proof is indisputable!"

"What proof?? I was with Vivi! And you thought we were both part of this ruddy kidnap plot! You've been threatening all of us with death from the word go! That is until Vivi showed that he could easily burn you to a crisp! Since then it's been 'oh woe is me Master Vivi,'" I taunted, hands under my chin and giving the doe eye look.

"Ridiculous!" barked Steiner, which was altogether a limp argument from his side. Zidane, who had been watching our exchange with interest and amusement, finally came in.

"Look at it this way. You're not going to get any sleep at all if you don't give us a little bit of leniency."

"…" Damn Zidane and his words of wisdom, he had a way with words I could never accomplish. Still, I bet my vocabulary was better than his! … Yeah, it was petty, gotta get my ego boosts somehow.

"So be it," he grumbled, seating himself within arms reach of Garnet. Garnet released a breath she'd been holding, looking immensely relieved that our little spat had been sorted out. Well, I wouldn't really call it a spat. More like the heroically correct Daisy verses the panto-villain Steiner, who's super power is to turn his head into rock! It's astounding! It's amazing! Come see it on ice! We sell popcorn and little tiny flags with my gorgeous face on it! Where was I going with this? Hell knows. Blame the Mist; trippy hallucinogenic, remember? Why the hell did I keep having mad little ditzies about Steiner? I hoped there wasn't some weird subconscious thing going on.

Ice-skating Steiner's or not the time had come for everyone to finally get some rest. Vivi was well ahead in this matter, it seemed he had fallen asleep during the argument. He was curled up on the ground, his head resting in the crook of his arm. I found myself wanting to take him home and tuck him up in bed with a cuddly toy. It felt as though it was my fault he was caught up in this entire affair. If I hadn't dragged him off for dinner, would he have willingly tagged along with Puck? Would Puck have even turned up?

"'Night everyone," said Zidane, who was now on his back with his arms behind his head. Variations of 'goodnight' replied to him, even a semi-concious murmur from Vivi.

It all fell silent after that, save for the crackling of the fire and people's breathing. I twiddled my thumbs inanely, staring at a spot on the ground which was of no real interest. Bugger, I was bored already. How long had it been now? Half an hour? More like half a minute. I sucked my teeth and shuffled in closer to the fire.

It was really quite a warm night. My opinion was based on the fact I was two inches away from the fire, but still. I tried to hum a little ditzy as quietly as I could, but Steiner gave me the evil eye and I stopped.

Instead I turned around to the face the night and huddled my knees. The fire was ticklingly warm against my back, but that was the only thing comfortable. Hell, the ground was hard, I ached everywhere and was I really needed a hug.

The time dragged on laboriously as I mulled over the days events. It all seemed so incredibly fantastical that I was unsure if in fact it had actually happened. If being in the actual situation was weird enough, looking back was absolutely surreal! Monsters and magic and who knows what.

It almost seemed a dream come true. I'd often imagined escaping the day-to-day drag of life to be an adventurous hero; fighting off baddies and saving the day. Not that my life was awful, far from it, but it seemed so dull compared to fantasy books and games. I suppose be careful what you wish for applies here, because what was happening to me was nothing like the games. When it hurts, it hurts. It wasn't like the cartoons, at least not for me. I didn't have untapped reserves of power or energy. I was just a puny human who would probably get knobbled off soon enough.

My mind drifted over to the subject home again, which I had been seriously trying to avoid. Luckily for me however, being physically weary affected my brain, and so I couldn't get too distraught over matters. Didn't make it any less unpleasant thinking of my family's reaction to my disappearance though. Actually, thinking about it, they probably hadn't realised I'd gone yet. It felt like a lifetime, but it had merely been a few hours.

Talking of time, a couple of hours passed. I had done nothing other than collect some more sticks for the fire. I was getting pretty twitchy and my hands were darn itchy. My hands were itching because I really wanted to draw. I draw all the time, even if it's just some nameless doodles. It was my hobby, I loved it, and it definitely would have broken the boredom. I adored creating fantastical worlds of monsters and hero's, but now I was stuck in one and I didn't like it one bit.

I heard shuffling over Steiner's soft snoring. I twisted round and saw Zidane sitting up. He peered behind him, and jumped when he saw me looking.

"Oh, I'd thought you'd fallen asleep," he said quietly.

"That's really not the best thing to say to the night watch-woman," I said jokily, quite pleased at the break in the boredom. I would have killed for some paper and pencil though. "...Can't sleep?"

He shook his head as a reply, his eyes downcast. I didn't need to ask why.

"Take a pew," I whispered, patting the ground next to me. He shuffled over, and we both sat silently. There wasn't an awful lot to be said, and I was afraid of waking anyone.

"What did Blank throw at you?" I asked quietly after a while. Zidane reached over to his right and handed me a slightly grubby worn scroll. After a nod from him, I unrolled it to reveal a battered looking map. It was pretty basic, and it only had a few location names written on it. There were a few additions scrawled in as well.

Zidane leant over after a minute or two of silence.

"We're around here somewhere right?" I asked, moving my finger along the outskirts of the forest. "Where exactly are we heading to? You said something about suchasucha gates being closed off if I recall, and there doesn't appear to be another way through the cliffs. Unless of course you're planning we climb?"

"Well," whispered Zidane, scratching his chin, "this map is old, and doesn't have everything on it. It's only got the names and places of the largest settlements and gates. I'm pretty sure there's a cavern or something along here." He motioned his finger along the other side of the valley.

"Then what? This is presuming we're on the right side of the river."

"We _are _on the right side."

"And you know that how?"

"Listen," he said simply. I did so, not expecting to hear anything. Okay, we had wind, fire crackling, breathing, snoring... and a rushing sound that was so quiet and indiscernible I had to make sure I wasn't hearing things.

"...That's the river?" I asked to make sure.

"Yeah, it's coming from that direction." He pointed to my left.

"And after we've made it through there we proceed to the village on the other side," he continued, trailed his finger along to a nameless spot.

"Which isn't marked on the map."

"Old, remember?"

"So let me get this straight. After traversing over the monster infested valley, we pass through the hypothetical cave to the perhaps existing village on the other side?"

"Yup."

"Where we what? Leap off the cliff?" I said, noticing the supposed village was lying on top of a cliff with nowhere to go.

Zidane tapped his nose.

"You don't know?"

"Hey I know everything! I've always got a plan."

"I'll hold you to that bud."

"You wont be disappointed."

I snorted but didn't reply.

"Where are you on this map then?" he asked innocently enough, but I wasn't to be caught off guard.

"Nice try billadio but you ain't getting nothing from me," I grinned. Zidane put his hands up in defeat.

"Can't blame me for trying. Why all the secrecy?"

"Why not?" I shrugged, deviously evading the question. As in, as devious as a toddler. Though on that note they are quite evil... anyway. Zidane nodded understandingly, though what he was understanding was beyond me. Mind you, he had taken charge of the situation with an insane amount of maturity. Even Steiner was looking to him, though I don't think he realised it.

"How... long d'you think it'll take to get to this village?" I asked, dreading the answer but wanting to know anyway.

"Oh I dunno exactly. Let's see..." he leaned over the map again. "It'll take, two or three days to get to the cavern, depending on how easily we find it. And a couple of days max to reach the village from there."

"Marvellous," I said, with absolutely zilch enthusiasm, and a frown to boot. "What about getting through the actual cave?"

"A few hours I think."

I rubbed the sides of my nose under my glasses, staring into the distance. So we had the best part of a weeks worth of walking. Fantabulous. Five days of walking with monsters, Steiner, and no bed. What if it rained? What were we going to do about water? Five definite days I was going to be stuck in this god-forsaken place! Five days until I got a cup of tea! Five days of human-hating monsters! Five days of-

Something hit my head.

"Ow!" I cried, rubbing the sore spot. I looked at Zidane furiously.

"What was that for?" I demanded.

"You were getting moody," he shrugged, swiftly hiding his vibe detector. He has one! I swear!

"What's that got to do wi- oh."

"_Still, you have permission to konk me on the head if I get too moody."_

"..." I could come up with no comeback or revengeful plot so I just sat silently. I rolled up the map again and passed it to Zidane. I breathed out and went back to hugging my knees. Zidane settled down again, his hands placed on his belly and staring at the stars.

More time passed, Zidane's breathing slowed into sync with the others sleeping around him. The next few hours were certainly nothing to rave about. The odd monster approached the edge of the fire light, but quickly scurried away again. I jerked almost involuntarily when I saw the head of an insanely huge snake, think boa and thrice it, but it slivered off when I twitched. That was as exciting as it got, and don't forget the odd trip around the rock. I bet you all wanted to know that didn't ya? Well now you do! Traumatised yet? You will be. Yoouuu will be. Mwahaha.

Eventually I got drowsy enough to consider going to sleep. I pushed myself up and tottered over to Steiner. I briefly considered kicking him to wake him up, but decided against it. I had a brief vision of being beheaded, which is enough to put anyone off. Instead I knelt down and gently shook his shoulder. How on earth could he sleep comfortably in that armour?

"Steiner?"

His eyes snapped open and he tensed, his hand already halfway to the sword hilt. He saw it was I, and his demeanour didn't relax. Ass-hat.

"What?" he demanded ungraciously. I raised my eyebrows.

"It's your turn to keep watch," I said, barely keeping aggravation out my voice. He nodded sharply and stood up. I went to lie down where he was but he gave me the evil glare again. I looked at Garnet and understood why, though I still thought he was going over the top. I rolled my eyes and settled up against the large rock instead, crossing my arms and forcing my limbs to relax.

I closed my eyes, but just as I did a grating clanking made me bolt up again. Steiner had begun to patrol by walking up and down, and everyone else was beginning to shuffle back into consciousness because of him.

"Steiner!" I hissed angrily. He spun round. "You're waking everyone up! Stop poncing about!" He harrumphed but obligingly stopped pacing. I scratched my head and sat back again. It took some time for my busy mind to let sleep take over, but eventually I dropped into some well-deserved sleep.

* * *

Well! I do hope you survived that. I'm pretty chuffed with the fight scene t'be honest but hey, you're the readers, so let me know. 


	7. I Think I Preferred the Monsters

What's this? You mean to say that Newt hasn't died? It's a bloody travesty! I want my soul back!

::ahem:: Indeed. But that isn't the point. The point is that I'm very much alive (at least I think so) and this is chapter seven of all the amazing things. It's a good ol' haul of 11000 words, and growing as I type this author's note thang. I don't really have a lot to say than I hope you enjoy this mega-chappie!

Oh wait, I lied. I do have something else to say. Kuja would never pair with Sephiroth. You wanna know why? Because Kuja's such a special fabulous narcisstic git that he could _never _be _anyones _uke. Ever. It goes against his superior nature. And wearing a purple thong doesn't make one gay, REAL men wear thongs just so y'know. Just as real men wear pink. Wow, Zidane's such an ultra-man.

AND I just want to say that I really am appreciating every single one of your reviews, they mean a lot to me. :3 Simultaneously I had a fantastic name for this chapter, but I forgot it so you'll have to put up with this naff one I stitched up.

Disclaimer- Newt owns nothing except the Daisy and a couple of other characters, unfortunetly she doesn't own the Qu species so technically I suppose she just can't remotely own one of those said characters. Huzzah.

* * *

Chapter seven - I Think I Preferred the Monsters 

The next morning was one I didn't want to see. I'd been having a strange dream about my cat; who talked liked Vivi but with Steiner's charming personality. He declared that I should leap off the cliff on the other side of my bedroom door, for the sake of mantis aliens from Mars. Well, I've had weirder.

It took me a moment to realise which way was up, as I'd fallen asleep sitting upright and was now sprawled unflatteringly on the ground. My mouth was as dry as anything, and I really wished I could say the same for my chin. I hadn't so much as opened my eyes, but I felt greasy, chilly, stiff and horrible. To make matters worse, I remembered where the hell I was.

I propped myself up on my elbows and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. I patted my hand along the ground with squinted eyes to find my glasses. Picking them up I slipped them on to take a look around. The fire was out, the only remains being a pile of charcoal. Vivi was still slumbering on the ground, and I felt myself smile as I looked at him. Zidane and Garnet didn't appear to be about, so I turned my attention to the other individual, Steiner. He was upright but the dude was asleep! That lazy bastard was supposed to be awake guarding!

Talking of which I really wasn't prepared to stay awake any longer. I was bloody knackered and had probably only got a couple hours sleep on and off at most. I say on and off because Steiner let the fire out several times, and I woke up absolutely frigid. It took forever to coax the fire to relight from the cinders, and unfortunately waking Vivi up hadn't been an option.

I emitted a rumbled moan, flung off my glasses and settled back onto the floor. Just as I got vaguely comfortable I heard footsteps approaching.

"Aww, just as we left them the little dears," joked Zidane. "Well! Time to get Daisy up." Uh, why ME? I wrapped my arms tight round my head as if to make my point.

"Why not the others? Don't you think we should let her rest? She was awake for half the night after all." That was Garnet, arguing for the great cause that was me. I suddenly appreciated her a whole lot more.

"We have a lot of ground to cover, not to mention catching and cooking breakfast," explained Zidane. "Vivi needs his rest more, he's young. And Steiner, well.." He left the rest of that sentence unsaid, it spoke for itself really.

"All the same..."

What kind of argument was that?? I mentally retracted my earlier statement.

Footsteps skipped my way and my shoulder got shaken gently.

"Bg'aff leth me sleep," I grumbled, clenching my eyes tighter. There was no point in looking up.

"Up and at 'em!" Zidane chirruped. I will get up and at you mate if you don't leave me be.

"G'waaaay," I droned. "C'mon it's still dark and I'm knackered!"

"We have a lot to do this morning, so get up or I'll drag you up."

I mumbled something incoherent and rolled onto my back, sliding my glasses on. I stared at him silently for a moment, wondering if he was joking. His white teeth shone like a promise. I pondered if he gave his fellow thieves the same treatment. I was beginning to sit up when-

"Alright, dragging time!" he cried triumphantly.

"WHAT?? No! I'm getting up no-aaaahhh! Stop stop STOP!"

"Hahahah!"

"You're getting my back muddy you lunatic! Let go! Let go!"

He dragged my flailing body past Garnet, who from a glimpse looked unsure whether to laugh or look disapproving. Steiner flashed by in a blur of rusty silver, and Vivi jerked awake as I shrieked. So much for Vivi needing his sleep.

"Get off right no- YOU'RE YANKING MY TROUSERS OFF! Bloody pervert, get OFF!"

At this point he finally released my legs, though he was still laughing like a madman. I staggered up and gave my trousers a dignified yank. I brushed the back of them off and anywhere else mud might have gathered. Damnit that was not funny! So why was I laughing? I strode up to him and jabbed him with a finger.

"Listen up you..." Well whatever he was got lost in a gale of laughter. I then gave him a friendly shove. "You bloody twat don't do that again!"

"I'm not making any promises," he grinned with waggling eyebrows.

"You freak," I laughed, sticking my tongue out. I felt eyes on the back of my head and I turned round. Garnet was looking at me with a speculating look on her face, and a hand cradling a chin.

"What?" I asked confused.

"You look like a chocobo," she said in a tone of realisation. I just blinked, the word not registering in my vast vocabulary. Zidane let out a loud succession of great 'ha's!' behind me. Garnet smiled a little guiltily and chuckled herself, gingerly fingering the strap of her white bum bag. I didn't notice she had one on; then again it was a bit difficult to notice anything else with the bright glaring orange leotard of death. Though I suspect I was only thinking that because she can actually pull it off, lucky duck.

"What's a chocobo?" asked Vivi, who's voice was filled with sleep.

"Never seen a chocobo Vivi?" asked Zidane unnecessarily. Vivi shook his head, his large hat flapping about. He grabbed the rim to make sure it didn't go flying off his head, though I wouldn't be complaining if it did. I wanted to know what the little bugger looked like!

"I think it'll be better if I showed you one, rather than try to explain it," mused Zidane, scratching the back of his neck "When we get to the village there'll definitely be some there."

"O-okay," said Vivi in between a yawn. That set me off immediately and I yawned widely as well. I stretched my arms up, the knots in my back crackling unpleasantly. What was even worse though was the pain that shot through my ribs.

"Arch!" I hissed, grabbing myself. Ah, bugger, my ribs. I'd forgotten about them. You know, if you can actually forget your ribs got broken.

"What's up?" asked Zidane.

"Oh.. nuthin', just my ribs." Zidane remained silent, awaiting more explanation. Garnet came closer to see what was going on. "Um, remember that plant thing yesterday? When it hit me? It broke my ribs."

"Oh my goodness!" exclaimed Garnet, hands leaping to her mouth in shock. I wondered if she was being sarcastic. She wasn't though; she was incredibly sincere. I'd really have to get used to her way of talking.

"It's alright they're not that bad, Blank gave me a potion and-"

"You took a potion??" they cried simultaneously. I took a step back, genuinely taken off guard.

"Um..."

"You should never never ever _ever_take a potion for broken bones!" said Zidane in panicked earnest. He sort of leapt forward to poke my ribs, but it tickled so I pushed him back.

"Don't you..." he sighed. "You don't know much about potions do you?" I shook my head, eyes downcast and wide. My brain was skipping to the tune of 'fuckity fuckity fuck'.

"A potion," said Garnet gently as she tried to catch my eyes, "is a unintelligent type of healing. If you have a broken bone, it will heal it as it is without realigning it."

"Exactly," said Zidane. "That's why white mages are so needed. You know what a white mage is don't you?"

Shit shit shit shit bollocks fuck diggery buggeration what was I going to say? What on earth was a white mage? Think quickly think quickly. Hang on a sec...

"_You're a black mage for crying out loud!"_

Black mage, that's what Vivi was. Mage.. magic.. um.. fire... White would be the opposite to black and these folks were going on about healing, so a white mage would do white magic which would heal rather than hurt so...

"Well yeah," I said frowning, as though the answer was obvious. "White mage, white magic, healing and all that lot y'know." I somehow resisted asking 'right?'

"Right," nodded Zidane happily. YES! Score for Daisy! My brain danced a merry jig and I gave myself a mental pat on the back, you quick thinker you. Mind you, there was still the ever so small matter of my ribs.

"Well um, anyway," I said, sucking my teeth after a thought. "My ribs they uh, cracked rather than broke I think so I should be alright yeah?" I gave my left ribs a bit of a rub. "They don't feel any different, over than hurting."

"Yes you should be fine," said Garnet, sounding rather relieved herself. "Though perhaps I should cast a little magic, just in case."

Zidane spun round to stare at Garnet.

"Woah! You're a white mage? I didn't know that!" he exclaimed impressed.

Garnet smiled. "Not many people do. Mother... didn't like to announce it. You know how the Medics are when they recruit white mages."

"Tell me about it," moaned Zidane with a roll of his eyes. "I had a girlfriend once..."

"Not to be rude," interjected Garnet hesitantly but swiftly, "but don't we have a lot to do this morning?"

"Oh um, yes we do, you're right," said Zidane sheepishly. "C'mon Daisy give us a hand."

"No chance!" I said brightly. "Come Garnet let's pop off to the river! Pip pip tally-ho getcha arse in gear! Move along move along!" I said shoving her along.

"Pardon?" she asked perplexed, looking back at Zidane in confusion.

"Oi don't think you're getting out of it just to wash!" cried Zidane.

"Uh, _duh,_ we're grimy and covered in mud! Plus I'll die of thirst any minute now. Good luck in catching breakfaaaast!" I cried, grabbing Garnet's hand and running away pell mell.

"Wha- hey get back here!"

"C'mon Garnet peggit!" I encouraged laughing. She giggled nervously, finally making the decision to trot along with me. I cackled inwardly, quite pleased at avoiding deliberately going after monsters. I did feel bad though because I had abandoned Vivi. I'd make it up to him later. Until then it was bonding time with the Princess.

Though I'd jokingly shoved her along I half expected her to spin round and tell me to 'cut out this childish nonsense', or words to that effect. I actually felt seriously awkward. I mean I was with royalty for heaven's sake! She probably ate Fang pâté for breakfast and had maids dress her or something weird.

"Ah the river! Marvellous," I said as it came into view. The river was fairly wide, and there was no telling how deep it was. I was surprised to see how clear it was, which I figured meant it was drinkable. Hopefully. I was pretty sure it was jungle water you had to watch out for.

Then again I went to Venice once upon a time, and most of our class got ill from drinking the water. It must be said I was alright with it, I suspect they were all overreacting, but overseas water never seemed to be a fantastic thing generally.

"Is everything well?" asked Garnet, after I hadn't done anything for a couple of minutes. I snapped out of my jungle water daze and turned to her.

"Oh, yeah I'm good. Sorry, I'm a chronic daydreamer by nature," I laughed.

"I see," she smiled good-naturedly. Nothing else was said after that. I felt the air grow tense and a bit awkward. I scratched my head and approached the river, kneeling down by the edge. I reached down and flicked the water, which was frigidly cold. I frowned, not quite ready to attack myself with the water. I had a drink instead which felt like heaven to my dry throat.

"Can I ask you something?" I said, trying to break the ice. I wasn't quite sure why I asked permission; I think I was subconsciously elevating her above myself or something.

"...You may," she said, a little coldly. I was so taken aback by her tone that it took me a little while to actually ask my question.

"Well, um, I was only wondering why Steiner was so... moody..." I explained, as though I was in the wrong. I felt rather put out actually, and it was just as well my back was to her because I felt the most awful pout creep onto my face.

"Oh," said Garnet, who sounded surprised. Well it wasn't really that surprising a question y'know. "It is true that Captain Steiner is rather stubborn. He is a very dedicated man and has been like he is for as long as I have known him. Other than that I'm afraid I do not know the precise reason for his stubbornness. Perhaps you should ask him about it?"

"Hah! I do hope you're joking," I laughed, turning round to look at Garnet. She didn't look like she was joking. "You saw what he was like last night! We're hardly bosom buddies. He's still convinced I was out to kidnap you and he's been threatening to kill me!"

"You do have a point," she said, clasping her hands together. She pursed her lips in an expression of thinking. She then swapped this expression for one of confusion as her gaze shifted up along the river. I looked at her, and then followed where her eyes were looking.

Something pink and white emerged from the mist and bobbled down our way.

I stood up to try and see better. As it came closer, I could make the estimate that it was roughly the size of a small whale. There was a small splash and a wet flop down near my feet. I looked down and saw a small green frog; it's bulging eyes staring at me with a look of utter terror. Okay, so it could well have been looking at me with a look of blinking ecstasy for all I knew, just cut me some slack. One way or another the frog was there, and it made straight for me. It leapt up and scrambled onto my shoulder. I peered at it out the corner of my eye as it sat there steadily dampening my top.

"'Ello frog," I greeted nonplussed. It croaked in reply.

"Hey Garnet-" I started, but as I turned my gut wrenched as I came face to face to a large wall of white and pink. There also appeared to be something slimy streaking down the middle of it.

"Frog..." said a gruff monotonous voice. I looked up, discovering that the slimy thing was in fact a tongue attached to a giant ping pong ball of a face, on top of which stood a big floppy hat. I felt my face take on a 'what the fuck' expression. The thing blinked its beady little eyes at me. The frog sequence couldn't have lasted more than a few seconds, for a small whale this giant fat layered marshmallow was bloody fast.

"I have frog?" it asked politely though with awful english. I shifted my gaze to the frog, which was frozen in fear, and looked back at the thing.

"...Why?" I asked incredulously.

"Daisy, surely you know that Qu's love frogs," piped up Garnet. The Qu turned to look at her, and I felt myself tense in case anything should happen. "Oh! Why hello Head Chef," she greeted, though I heard her voice take on a wary tone.

"Ah yes! Hello Princess!" it enthused, nodding its head in a merry way. Maybe I should stop calling it 'it', seeing as it sounded like a male after all. Yet it was wearing pink, and was that eye make up? That didn't necessarily mean anything of course because but what the hell on earth was a Qu??

"May I ask what you're doing so far away from the castle?" she asked. May I ask why you're there _at all?_

"Ah yes yes! I on way to Marsh. Is vacation! Soon mating season."

"Oh I see," she said, the relief evident in the voice. Oh my word it had a mating season?? It did it in a marsh??? Too much information! "Have you perchance heard anything about...me?"

"What I care happen beyond kitchen?" it, alright _he _shrugged. With that he turned back to me, so much for that line of inquiry. "I have frog now?"

"What exactly do you like about frogs?" I asked slowly.

"Why, frog delicious of course! I hope you no want frog..."

Frogs are.. delicious... right. Mind you I suppose the French stereotypically eat frogs. The frog on my shoulder croaked forlornly; you know you could have been escaping whilst those two were talking. I took a step back from the Qu, and he took a step towards me. I blinked and went back again, and he closed the gap. This was getting uncomfortable. Plus his breath wasn't exactly savoury.

"Surely you'll be alright without this one frog?" I said, not really wanting to relinquish the poor thing.

"Please have frog? I_ need _frog_,"_he begged.

"There'll be plenty of frogs when you get to the swamp won't there?" I said with a slight shrill, the Qu so close we were practically touching. If that tongue touched me I swear I would scream.

"Suppose so," he muttered dejectedly, his posture reflecting this. I took another step back and this time he didn't follow. I relaxed a little now that my personal space wasn't so invaded.

"Come now, why don't you give Head Chef the frog?" said Garnet, the guilt evident in her voice. Honestly woman, just drop the subject! The sooner I got away from that obese thing the better!

"Please Princess! I only vacation! Call Quok, Quok."

"Of course... Quok."

The Qu Quok wotsit turned back to me.

"Is Alexandrian frog. I want frog to give to friend in swamp," he said, the ping pong head turning pink. So it was planning on bartering for a mate with a frog? ...My thoughts on that matter really need no description.

I was saved replying because the frog had finally taken the opportunity to flee from my shoulder. It's weight left me and Quok let out a gasp of exclamation. I watched the frog flee towards the river and enter it with a splash.

"Frog!" Quok cried in panic and dived into the river himself, the tidal wave following barely missing me. I was still stood there watching long after they'd disappeared back into the mist. Now _that _was the freakiest thing to happen to me so far, forget the monsters. After that I replaced my floundering jaw and to tried to get my thoughts together.

"Well, um..." I started. "That was... well I mean that..." I paused. "I guess it hasn't escaped your notice that I've never met a Qu thingy before."

"Yes I did get that impression," she said with a small giggle. I chuckled embarrassingly and rubbed the back of my neck. "Though I must say that Head Ch- I mean Quok is rather large for his kind."

Rather large was putting it lightly so far as I was concerned. The dude was at least twice my height! Or maybe I was exaggerating, but you must remember I was about two inches away from him. That was certainly an experience I didn't fancy repeating.

Before any more distractions came along I made for the river again and knelt down by it.

"...Hey Garnet?"

"Hmm?" There's that cold tone again! What have I done to warrant such treatment? I'm innocent I tell you! Steiner's full of bollocks so don't listen to him. Actually he's probably a eunuch… that would explain so much. Uh, where am I going with this?

"This is gonna sound completely random but do you happen to have a bar of soap?" I realised that the chances of her having such an item were little to none. Still, it was worth a try.

"As a matter of fact..." she said, reaching into her bag. She rummaged around for a moment then brought out a simple bar of white soap. "I wasn't expecting this to happen but it is always good to be prepared."

"Brilliant!" I cried triumphantly, clutching the soap as though it was the Holy Grail. "I can be clean! Cleeaan! Squeaky eaky clean! No more stinking for me! Praise be to the soap! ... Um, thanks Garnet," I grinned.

"You're.. quite welcome," she said, looking incredibly unsure of herself. I shrugged inwardly and began to remove my top. I heard a squeak then looked up. Garnet had her back to me. She peered around through her fingers; I could see that her face was bright red. She then spun back round again.

"You could have warned me," she mumbled.

"Come off it, we're both girlies here it's hardly a huge deal," I said. "'Sides I'm hardly gonna let my top get wet."

"But what if.. someone comes along?"

"I highly doubt anyone will," I said nonchalantly. "Anyway, Steiner's still asleep and Zidane's meant to be sorting breakfast. I doubt Vivi'll be a problem. Plus I'm only having a quick squiz."

Garnet still had her back to me, and her hands on her face. I took off my glasses and lathered up my hands. As I washed under my arms as I looked at her with a frown. Seriously now, over reaction or what? It was hardly as though I was performing a strip dance and going full monty. Which, might I say, was a fantastic movie.

I got my hair wet and got that all soapy as well. Finally I could get all that dirt and grime properly out my hair! I rubbed my face as well then rinsed in the river. It was bloody freezing but, so sue me, I'd rather be clean. I brought my head back out and shivered as water trickled down my spine. Hopefully now I'd survive until we got to this village. I squeezed any excess water out of what hair I had and slipped my glasses back on. I crossed my arms over my chest and turned myself round.

"You gonna have a go?" I asked shivering, but happily clean. "It's safe to turn around before you ask."

She awkwardly looked round and sort of shuffled over. I refrained from rolling my eyes as she deliberately tried not to look at me.

"I do apologise if I seem rather prudish," she said, seating herself next to me, I moved away enough so I was facing away and couldn't see her. "I'm not used to this sort of thing in a manner of speaking."

"'Sno big deal really, well for me anyway but there we go."

"Is that so?" she mused whilst I heard splashings and scrubbings. She didn't say anything more after that, and I felt the air grow tense and quiet again. I pouted to myself, feeling rather put out. I was putting some sort of effort in conversing but Garnet seemed to have a wonderful knack for stopping the chat dead in its tracks. Perhaps I was being harsh, but we were going to be together for the next week or so, and unless we got along things were going to be a bit of a bugger.

After several minutes I sighed and felt my shoulders. They were pretty much dry, the slight breeze had seen to that. I reached for my clothing and slipped them back on with relish. I peered glumly at the grass and peeled apart a couple of blades. I raked my fingers through my hair and took in a deep breath.

"Garnet?" I asked, planning on bringing up some random topic of conversation that I hadn't thought of yet.

"Yes?" The cold tone of death reareth its ugly mug. That was it.

"Okay just what is it?" I said rather angrily, turning round to face her. By this time she was dressed though her hair was sopping wet. It was twirled up on her head to keep out the way. Her eyes widened innocently

"Pardon?"

"What is it! Every time I've started asking you a question you've been really rude! Or… or something. Is it me? What have I done exactly?" I was quite surprised with myself honestly enough, normally I'd sit there and mood, just ignoring it. But I as previously mentioned she was my only female companion for the next week so I suppose this was better sorted sooner rather than later.

"Oh my! I am terribly sorry Daisy; please accept my apologies," she said sincerely, performing a miniature bow. "I've been readying myself for the somewhat inevitable question of why I fled from the castle, and it is a question I would rather not answer."

I blinked and stared uncomprehendingly for a couple of moments.

"Oooohhh I see!" I droned in realization, stifling a yawn. "To be perfectly honest the thought hadn't occurred to me. ...I guess I've had other things to worry about, and anyhow it aint my business is it?"

"Thank you for understanding," she smiled warmly. She had such a gorgeous effortless smile! Huzzah for the leap between anger and envy? Things certainly calmed down in terms of tension anyway.

"You good for heading back? I am _so_hungry." My belly rumbled as though to say 'I second that notion!'

"Yes I must agree with you there," she said patting her hair experimentally. "... I really do apologise I-"

"Forget it forget it! It's all water under the bridge now."

"Water under the...?"

"Uhh, it's a saying. It's behind us okay? Don't worry about it."

She nodded regally, and after putting the soap in her bag, stood up again. I got up as well and headed back in the presumed direction of the camp. As we approached the smell of cooking meat reached our noses. My stomach rumbled again and I unwittingly picked up the pace.

"About time you got back!" Zidane yelled by the fire, waving his dagger about.

"Smells good mate, what is it?"

"Muu," he said simply.

"Marvellous," I enthused, though my brain came up blank again. Slices of this Muu were being cooked on a hot flat-ish stone in the fire; Zidane flipped them over with his dagger as I watched. I looked around and saw the rest of the creature hanging from the top of the large rock.

"It's just plain Muu I'm afraid, I've got no bread or anything," he said to everyone. Everyone minus Steiner who was still asleep! The rest of us replied that it was fine.

"You sleep alright Vivi?" I asked.

"Oh, um, y-yes thank you." Such a polite little mite.

"Well that makes one of us," I said, half to myself, yawning again. I was already looking forward to the end of the day just so I could sleep. "Long day full of fun and joy ahead of us."

"Really?"

"Nah I was being sarcastic, sorry." Vivi's head drooped forward dejectedly. Was my sarcasm so great that it was undetectable? Oh joy of joys.

"Shouldn't we wake Captain Steiner up?" asked Garnet as Zidane handed her a slice of Muu.

"Let's leave him for now, we can save him some Muu for later," said Zidane. "Be careful it's hot."

No 'buts' from Garnet that time. Eventually we were all munching on our Muu whilst Zidane was frying some more on the stone. It had the texture of thick bacon and tasted, well, like Muu, if that makes any sense. We all sat in silence, which I didn't mind particularly as I was too busy satisfying my stomach. It was a bit peculiar chomping on meat first thing in the morning. Not to say that I don't enjoy a good old full english, but I hadn't been awake for any longer than an hour, if that. A full english was definitely a late morning thing so far as I was concerned. My tummy grumbled irritably telling me to shut the hell up about a more substantial breakfast. I told it to bloody well jog on. I'd rather daydream about food then dwell on other things.

"You two gonna have a wash?" I asked Vivi and Zidane.

"Nope!" said Zidane firmly, taking another bite of his Muu and nearly choking himself.

"Um... s-should I?" replied Vivi nervously, after hearing Zidane's answer.

"Yes you should. _Especially _you Zidane," I said, slapping him on the back.

"I washed yesterday," he said quickly when his airways were clear.

"Yeah and I'm the Wizard of Oz. Wash now and take Vivi with ya!"

"No!"

"YES! It's a week 'til the village and I refuse to travel alongside a stinking fungus arse!"

"Fungus... What about Steiner then eh? I don't see you nagging him."

"I don't give a flying fig about him, I'm not going to be close enough to his fumigating to care."

"Ooh, we getting up close and personal then?" he joked, leaning in. I shoved him off.

"You wish! I'm surprised women get within ten miles of you if you don't wash," I said, konking him on the head. He rubbed where I hit him guiltily.

"I most certainly do wash, I just don't like to be _told_ to wash."

"That means you're just deliberately being difficult then?"

"Only cuz I love ya."

"Gee I appreciate the quality time."

"M-mister Zidane? I... I think we should get clean," stuttered Vivi. Yes my little minion convince him! Convince him!

"I told you not to call me mister..." he said slowly but gently. Nothing was said for a few moments then- "Alright alright we'll wash we'll wash!" he declared shooting me evils.

"Get on with it then mate 'we have a lot to do this morning'," I mimicked, folding my arms afterwards.

"Take my soap with you," added Garnet, handing it over to Zidane. He flashed her a thankful grin then walked off with Vivi. Not before ruddy time too. The sooner we got to the village the better, but I refused to travel with visibly stinking companions. Before you ask, yes, I do have my priorities in perfect order.

"Oh! Someone's coming!" exclaimed Garnet from behind me. I turned around and followed her pointing hand, which was aimed at something white. If it was another ruddy Qu so help me-

But it wasn't. It was a moogle of all things! If I was right it had come from Evil Forest, but what the heck was it doing in there?

"Kupo! Am I glad to be out of there kupo!" he panted as he practically collapsed in front of us.

"What were you doing there in the first place?" I asked. Well you can't ever say I don't voice my mind.

"I live there kupo. I saw you guys travel past. I must say I'm impressed you're alive kupo!"

"..." was my apt reply.

"I am rather glad we made it out of there," said Garnet.

"KupoPO! You're the one the cage got kupo!"

"...You saw?"

"I was hiding when it came kupo! Travellers always fall victim to the Master. You all must be really strong to escape! First time I've seen _anyone _escape actually, kupo."

I suddenly felt incredibly heroic. Wow. No one had escaped before? Maybe I didn't completely suck after all. Or more likely it was a combination of stronger friends and blind damn luck. I mentally picked the first option.

"What will you do now kupo?"

"Well um..." Garnet looked to me for help.

"We're heading towards some cavern somewhere. The gates are closed off at the moment y'see."

"The cavern! Oh kupo kupo! Mois lives there! I don't suppose you could deliver a letter to him while you're passing through? Mognet has been funny lately kupo." Mog what-in-the-where-now? Obviously some kind of postal service; sounded as useful as the one back home.

"Uhm, sure why not," I said after looking to Garnet for confirmation. When she nodded the moogle ruffled in his small rucksack, bringing out a slightly crumpled letter. He passed it over and Garnet took it, placing it in her own bag. The moogle also brought out a small flute.

"It's a long way to the cavern kupo, I want you to have this as well."

"A Moogle Flute!" exclaimed Garnet. Amazing really, the inventive names they come up for these things. Thankfully Garnet spotted my blank expression so was able to indulge me in such matters.

"Moogle Flutes are very sought after by travellers. They call up a free moogle who sets up a tent."

"Really?" I said, not even beginning on thinking how they got to wherever the traveller was. "What's in it for the moogles then?"

"Um... have you not covered basic history in your.. studies?" she said slowly, suddenly rethinking that I might not have studies at all. Woe be to the poor commoner. "The first airship? General Madelene? The forming of the Knights of Pluto? The first Festival of the Hunt? The-the Qu Revolution? The discovery of the Elements? The-"

I decided to stop her before she got too hectically enraged in my historical ignorance. "_No_, no, nopity no, nope, nay and hell if I know. You can replenish the gaps in my knowledge later though." I turned back to the moogle who was looking rather perplexed. "Thank you ah..."

"Monty, kupo."

"...Monty. Yup. Fabulous flute, can't thank you enough. Marvellous. Great, uh, will deliver and all that."

"Kupo kupo!" he replied, assuming that can be considered a reply. "Well kupo, I must go now, I'm going to have to stay with a friend kupo. Good luck!"

And with that he flapped the bat like wings on his back, hovering a foot or so off the ground. He then tilted forward and shot away, soon being swallowed back up by the mist. Zidane and Vivi took this miraculous opportunity to return, though it was a bit quick for my liking. They looked like they'd washed anyway, at least Zidane did with his wet hair. With Vivi I couldn't tell but I trusted him enough.

"Are we leaving now?" asked Garnet as I scrutinised the flute in my clutches.

It was as you might expect, white, and decorated with a raised circular pattern. It was roughly cut as though it was whittled from wood, but it was made from something much harder and lighter. The closest thing I could probably describe it as would be ivory, except I doubted the existence of elephants and flute was too light to made out of it. I figured I'd ask Garnet about it later if I wasn't too nervous about coming across as a mad thick yokel.

"Yeah we are if you're ready. Grab a bit of Muu 'cause we're gonna get hungry and we wont have time to catch something for lunch _and _dinner."

I suppose it was a shame we couldn't haul what Muu we did have along. So basically we were only going to stop at the end of the day. Hopefully I wasn't too unfit to survive a days worth of walking. Don't forget the monster encounters, ugh.

"What have you got there Daisy?" asked Zidane.

"Moogle Flute."

"No way!" he cried, snatching it from my grasp. He examined it excitedly, but then his shoulders sank. "Ugh, we can't use it. I don't have any Tents on me. I don't suppose you have any do you Princess? Vivi?"

They both shook their heads and Zidane passed the flute back to me. After I'd belted my sheath and sword back I tucked in the flute and we left the campsite, heading in the direction the moogle had flown off in. I was amazed it could fly at all, like the phenomenon of bumblebee's flying. Well it was something like that anyway.

I know what you lot are thinking, what about poor old Rusty? Scrapping the poor bit of course. I was acutely aware that we had left him snoring behind like a defunct piece of furniture, but being the thoughtful person I was I decided not to bring it up. I mean it would be frightfully embarrassing for him if I brought up the fact that everyone else had forgotten about him. I was so nice I decided to save him the social discomfort.

Though the possible reason behind any mention of Steiner would be the giant blue squirrel we encountered. I wasn't quite sure what to make of it. Red squirrels are cutely innocent, and grey squirrels are evil; so what did that make blue?

Evidently it made it the son of Hades because the first thing it did was lobb a rock at my face.

"Aurgh what the hell??" was my less than polite exclamation. Then again I wasn't aware that blue squirrels were good bowlers, or however they projected rocks. I did not want to think about that.

The squirrel however had over plans, and another rock hit my arm.

"Ow!"

Suddenly I was pelted by an entire barrage of rocks, like the ruddy squirrel had transformed itself into a machine gun. I covered my face with my arms but the rocks kept hitting; I was fairly sure I was turning black and blue on the spot. I sunk to the ground to minimise the target and help protect myself.

A loud squeak accompanied an end to the pelting, by which point I was crouching on the ground in an upright foetal position. I raised my arm cautiously, just in time to see Zidane remove his daggers from the squirrel with a wet 'shlink'.

"Oh... sorry I didn't do much," I apologised. Mind you there wasn't much to do in a battle that had lasted half a minute.

"Don't worry, you make a good distraction."

"Wonderful, remind me to write that on my resume," I grumbled. Zidane chuckled a bit.

"D'you need a potion?"

"I'm a big girl Zidane, I can survive a bit of a battering." I pushed myself up via my knees and checked myself over. No real harm done but I'd be sported a loving blue and purple hue soon enough. I looked over at the now dead squirrel. I was pretty sure that it was a Muu, as it was roughly the same size and shape of the carcass back at the campsite.

"Why do I have the feeling we're missing something?" asked Garnet with a thoughtful frown as we began moving again. What we were missing was the dulcet clanking and constant screaming. Truly a loss to the world.

"Missing something? Nah we're all here let's be off," I smiled a bit too happily. I soon cringed in disappointment however because screams of 'PRINCESS!' rang through the air, followed by the scraping of rusty metal clashing together.

"Damnit," proclaimed Zidane and I at the same time. We looked sideways at each other and laughed. Vivi wrung his hands looking very unsure of himself. Ah the wee innocent, I figured Vivi was only unsure how to react because he hadn't fully faced the pure and awesome fury of Steiner's rage. Lucky for him really.

"Princess!" huffed Steiner as he reached our despondent little group. Though Garnet faltered we kept moving forwards. "What have these ruffians done to you??"

"They.. they have done nothing Captain Steiner," said Garnet, her face turning red. Hee, she forgot! Not that I blamed her, I'd forget Steiner as soon as I could.

"Are you sure?" Then he decided to revert to screaming again. "...Of course they did!! I was drugged and abandoned so they could escape with you!"

"Drug you how exactly? None of us ate or drank anything last night," said Zidane genially.

"It's obvious! One of you has the ability to cast Sleep!" Well it doesn't take a genius to figure out what 'Sleep' did.

I raised an eyebrow. "Obviously."

"So it's true!!" he declared, pointing accusingly at me.

"Not really no," I said with a bemused half laugh. "And don't point, it's rude."

"You just admitted it!" he yelled, ignoring my latter comment.

"It's _sarcasm _you great twit."

Steiner opened his mouth to yell again but Garnet came swiftly to the rescue.

"Steiner," she said and if you'll note, minus the formalities, "I apologise for leaving you behind but will you please stop accusing those who are trying to help us."

Steiner looked really taken aback. He opened his mouth, and then seemed to think better of it. He nodded in submission, but shot us filthy looks anyway. Obviously he thought we'd brainwashed his precious princess or something.

I was sure my following attempt at a peace offering would land with a wet splat in my face, but I was going to give it a shot. Plus I could hear his belly rumbling from where I was, and I wanted to eradicate one instrument from his personal orchestra.

"Want some breakfast Steiner?" I asked, offering the cooked slice I had in my grasp.

He didn't dare say anything, but his glare was more than enough to express himself.

"Suit yourself then, starve for all I care," I said lightly, taking a bite of my rejected offer. His stomach rumbled audibly again but I ignored it this time. Steiner's face went up another notch of sourness.

Zidane shuffled next to me as we walked along the edge of the river. It was quite scenic in a depressing sort of way. I had no real idea what time of year it was, though the tree's that lined the river were droopy and leafless. Then again that could well have been a result of the mist.

"You two seem to be hitting it off," murmured Zidane with a smile.

"Like a pair of manky old socks," I said. Zidane looked at me oddly and I just laughed.

"Well that's certainly an... interesting analogy," he chuckled.

"Stark raving bonkers is probably a more appropriate description," I mused, and then let out a loud yawn. I smacked my lips and rubbed the back of my neck.

"Still tired?" asked Garnet.

"Too right. No thanks to Zidane."

"I object to that!" exclaimed Zidane.

"Okay then, no thanks to Steiner."

"I am at no fault here," he growled. I rolled my eyes but decided not to pursue the matter. Garnet looked at me quizzically but I just shook my head.

"Did you enjoy the play Vivi?" asked Zidane suddenly. Vivi jumped in surprise, having been lingering nearer the back of our trek.

"Y-yes I did!" he said cheerfully. "I'm so glad I was able to see it!"

"Yeah," I agreed. "Definitely worth watching, even if it was performed by a bunch of disreputable thieves."

"_'Infamous_ band of _daring_ thieves' thank you very much," grinned Zidane.

"You were very good though," said Garnet thoughtfully. "Are you a real theatre troupe as well or was it a one time performance?"

"Nah, we're definitely real actors. Believe it or not stealing doesn't come up with as much money as people think."

Steiner harrumphed disbelievingly at this, and was ignored.

"Oh I.. see," she replied slowly.

Zidane raised an eyebrow at her. "What are you thinking?"

"Oh! I apologise, it's just that I admittedly was under the impression that thieves were prosperous. I suppose it's all the plays and stories I've read. Lord Avon's clay's often portray his lower class characters as witty and successful."

"Lower class…" chuckled Zidane to himself. "Well Princess, unfortunately thieves aren't as dashingly brave and moral as I am. Mo-"

"Nonsense! You are most certainly none of those things!" bellowed Steiner causing us all to leap about a foot in the air. "I will not accept you spouting lies to innocents!"

Fan-diddly-effin-tastic I thought to myself as the ranting began to escalate; note all the ranting coming from Steiner's gob. I dug my hands into my pockets irritably and tried to drown out his voice by singing in my head. Unfortunately despite the fact my singing could kill elephants, Steiner's voice seemed to loom ominously over the top. I sighed and walked over to Vivi as Steiner, Zidane and Garnet duked it out vocally.

"Turning out to be a fun day so far don't ya think midge?" I asked him.

"But um.. oh.. that was sarcasm again right?" he said unsurely.

"Hey you're catching on!" I replied brightly. I was about to say something else until I thought heard a low hissing sound and stopped. Vivi turned around and adjusted his hat.

"What is it?"

"I don't know.. probably nothing but.. can you hear that?"

The rest of the arguing group turned when they realised they were two short. I felt rather exposed so far behind so I jogged back up to them.

"What's up?" asked Zidane.

"Ehh nothing, don't worry."

"LIES!" exclaimed Steiner, then a green snake attached itself to his helmet.

I yelped in surprise and jumped back. Could we not go for five minutes and NOT be attacked by something?? No wonder it was going to take us three bleeding days to reach the cavern.

I don't suppose 'green snake' was really the appropriate way to describe the monster clinging onto the back of Steiner's head. For starters it was a LOT bigger, more like an anaconda than a regular snake. It had a sort of scaly crest on its head, and the fangs were curved and lethal looking.

"Python!" exclaimed Zidane, whipping out his weapons.

"Where?!" screamed Steiner, spinning around in a circle. The Python maintained its hold on the helmet despite Steiner's flailing. It hissed furiously as the rest of its body slapped about on the armour.

"Be careful," warned Zidane, looking around. "Python's usually attack in groups."

"Over there!" cried Garnet. I turned to see where she was pointing. Two more Python's slithered up as Steiner continuously twirled behind us. I drew my sword, grasping it awkwardly with both my hands. I wasn't a huge fan of snakes, but so long as these things didn't throw rocks I figured I would be alright.

One of the Python's held back whilst the other lay flat on the ground and darted forwards with unexpected speed. It swerved in, aiming for Vivi. He blanched but somehow managed to summon up fire before the Python reached him. Flames erupted where the Python had once been, but it had managed to jerk back in time from being incinerated. It hissed angrily, and when the smoke cleared I could see that the flames had just caught its muzzle. It wasn't a good look.

With new resolve it swept, you guessed it, towards yours truly. I wasn't really sure what to do so I stabbed the ground, hoping I'd judged correctly.

Yeah well the chances of me actually doing a decent job in battle were little to none, so I completely missed the little bastard. My efforts were rewarded instead by it attempting to take a large chunk out of my leg. I yelled and fell sideways, however that worked. My shoulder hit the ground with the Python still chewing on my calf.

"Get the fucker off!" I screeched, kicking my leg as it gnawed stubbornly. My leg was barely hurting at all; I guess my boots protected me more than I thought. That or the Python's fangs were just plain weak.

Again, flames scorched the Python and this time it didn't have to time to dodge. It jerked and hissed ferociously but didn't seem to be able to prize itself from my boot. It fell still when the flames disappeared. I kicked even harder at that point because having a dead charred snake latched to your leg wasn't a hell of a lot better than a live one. Not to mention it stank of burnt flesh.

I saw Zidane kneel down by my leg and prize it off. The head flopped to the ground heavily. I made a 'blugh' sound and shuffled back a bit. How come I kept ending up on the floor? Hang on a sec wasn't there another snake?

"What about…?"

"Taken care of," he said, pointing the beheaded corpse a little way off. "Are you hurt?"

"Who cares about me, look at your arm!" I found myself looking at the less than savoury puncture wounds in his arm. It looked as though the Python had bitten down, then got yanked off or something so there were two trails of missing flesh.

Just as I was staring at it, a white glow illuminated Zidane and white sparks trickled along the wound. It closed up within a mere second, and left no sign on the wound ever being there. I poked his arm a couple of times.

"Anyone else need healing?" I heard Garnet ask. I looked up to see a white glow fade from her hands. Ohh. White magic. … I knew that. Really!

"Well I'm good," I replied. "But what about…"

I looked over my shoulder to see Steiner _still _flapping about with the Python on his head. I got myself up and decided, fuck it, I'd just watch in amusement. I stuck my hands in my pockets defiantly. Vivi looked from me to Steiner in a most bemused way. I patted the top of his head distractedly.

"U-uhm.. why isn't anyone helping Mister Steiner?" he stuttered nervously.

I noticed the other two weren't doing an awful lot either. Garnet looked like she wanted to do something but wasn't sure what, and Zidane was too busy enjoying the spectacle.

"Several reasons Vivi," piped Zidane, though he didn't take his eyes off the magical spinning Steiner. "If either me or Daisy try to approach him he'll probably kill us. He's moving too fast for you to effectively use your magic, and as for the Princess, well, I doubt she'd be able to get to him without being whacked accidentally."

"Oh my," sighed Garnet dejectedly.

Eventually Steiner got so dizzy he lost balance, and fell to the ground with a metallic thunk. The snake didn't appear to be moving or taking advantage of Steiner's incapacitation. You know what I was pretty sure it was dead. Death by rust or Steiner's screaming perhaps? Quite possibly his head was just too big to eat.

"It's a good look for you Steiner," grinned Zidane.

"Listen to me you-" he started, but then he fell backwards again.

"I believe," said Garnet taking her eyes off Steiner, "that we should move away from the river. The monsters will be more concentrated around area's with a good supply of water."

It hit me like a jolt from a stun gun.

"Zidane? Can I look at the map please?" I said apprehensively.

"Uh, sure yeah, here you go," he said.

He tugged it out his belt and handed it over. I sank to the ground, opened it up and intensely scrutinised it as I part listened to Zidane talk to Garnet.

"That's a good point Princess," I heard him explain. "But it'll be easier to navigate our way across the valley if we follow it a while longer."

"Oh fiddle-de-dee," I muttered to myself. I yawned again and rubbed an eye, then looked up and waved Zidane over. He knelt down by me and I and moved the map over a bit.

"Three days yeah? Here to here," I said, pointing from our rough current position to the vague whereabouts of the cavern. He nodded. "We can't be following the river the entire time, so what the heck are we going to do about it?"

"Going to do about what?" I was so not hearing that.

"Water!"

"Hey no worries, I know a guy who knows a guy."

I stared at him incredulously. "How_exactly _does that help the predicament of possible death by dehydration?"

"You'll see," he said mysteriously.

"You're hardly instilling confidence into me," I said flatly. "How can you know a dude who knows a dude? Look look look. There is no chance of meeting someone before three days. You wanna know why? 'Cuz no one in their right mind goes near Evil Forest, and only travel from South to North Gate. Supposedly they're both closed off, so there is no one other than us in this magical little valley."

"She has a good point," said Garnet, who'd obviously been listening. "We cannot follow the river too long because it will just lead us to South Gate."

"Seriously, everyone, I have it covered," Zidane drawled confidently.

I buried my face in the map and groaned irritably. "Not helpiiiing," I growled.

"Relax!" he said unhelpfully, shaking my shoulder. I butted him with the abused shoulder so he fell over, which was pretty easy really seeing as he'd only been balancing on the balls of his feet. I huffed as he picked himself back up laughing.

"Do you really have a plan?" asked Garnet apprehensively.

"Of course he doesn't!" declared Steiner, who had finally found his feet. "He's leading us all into another plot!!"

"We'll follow the river for a while longer," he continued, ignoring Steiner's accusations. "You'll see what I mean soon enough."

"Nnhnn," I said, raising an eyebrow.

"Like I said yesterday babe, you won't be disappointed."

"You call me 'babe' again and I'll kill you before the dehydration does."

"Woah feisty."

I tried to punch him but he escaped my mock attack, much to my irritation. He placed his hands on hips and grinned happily.

"Let's move before you get on the same wavelength as Rusty here," he chortled, retrieving the map warily off me. He rolled it up and stuck it back in his belt and motioned to us to follow him. I glanced over at Steiner, wondering if he'd follow or complain. It seemed as though he didn't have a better plan than any of the rest of us, so he grudgingly whipped the dead Python from his helmet and fell into step.

I yanked my own weapon from the earth and re-sheathed it. I took a deep breath, choked on the smell of burnt Python, and began the pace again. Amazingly enough during the next couple of hours that passed, we weren't set upon by any more monsters of any kind. I suspected that the charred smell of dead Python that still hung about my person put off any potential attackers.

"A ha!" cried Zidane suddenly. "What did I say? I aaahhh that's gonna be a problem."

Well something certainly did come into view; the only problem being that it was residing on the other side of the river. As we got closer I could make out that it was some form of wagon, this was when my eyes managed too see past the various clutter that leeched onto every available space.

There was a portly man slumped against it, lightly snoring away. His hair was short and messy like his beard, and he had a scar on one cheek. His attire wasn't anything to be desired I can tell you that much. Zidane motioned his hands for us to huddle in, and we did so.

"Alright Princess, you're going to have to stay behind Steiner, out of sight and-"

"THE PRINCESS WILL NOT- MMF!!" cried Steiner, before I slapped a hand over his mouth.

"There is a _reason _why Zidane's using hushed tones you twit!" I hissed angrily.

"I implore you Steiner, please listen for a minute," said Garnet gently but firmly. Steiner nodded reluctantly and I realised his mouth, hurriedly wiping the palm on my trousers. Ugh, his day old stubble did not feel pleasant.

"Alright then," said Zidane. His eyes swept around the group to make sure of no more interruptions. "That's Opello over the river. He's a nice enough guy but he's not to be trusted. So it would be best for you to stay out of sight Princess because I'm sure when he hears that you've left the castle, he'll use the fact that he's seen you for his own gains. You know what I'm saying?"

"I understand," nodded Garnet.

"How did you know he was gonna be here?" I asked.

"I'll explain later," said Zidane with a wave of his hand. He approached the edge of the river, and after checking that Garnet was behind Steiner, yelled, "OI OPELLO!"

"Bwah?! Wha-what!" he sputtered gruffly, sitting up. He looked around jerkily then spotted Zidane grinning by the river. He threw his arms up in greeting. "Heeey Zidane! Long time no see! What are ya doin' all the way over 'ere? Don't suppose yuh've seen my chocobo 'ave ya?"

"I haven't seen him, sorry. My ship crashed so we're walking to Treno. I see you managed to get through the gates alright."

I looked at him but he kept his eyes on Opello. We definitely weren't heading to Treno, then I remembered that Opello was a dodgy tosser. I hoped Steiner would keep his trap shut and not drop us in it.

"Ahaha! Well o' course Zidane! Did you expect any less of me? Where's Baku and the others then eh?" he asked, watching Zidane carefully.

"Ah well, I guess I hafta explain then. I was taking a joyride with my girlfriend here, but I lost control so I'm taking her back home," he said without batting an eyelid. I, however, am not as adept at keeping my face straight.

"You're girlfriend don't look too happy 'bout it."

"He failed to mention," I said loftily, "that we broke up." Oh yeah, real born actress me.

"Ha! Wha' for?"

"D'you want the list?"

"Nah nah I'm alright. Well no loss Zidane, yuh've 'ad better aintcha?"

Neither of us really said anything to that. I was incapable of saying anything actually, due to the fact I was boiling with murderous rage.

"Anyway," he said, changing the subject. Idiot had finally spotted the danger signs. "What about the other two eh?"

"Oh that's my obsessive compulsive uncle," I said. "He hates my guts but my father's will forces him to look after me, so he barged his way onto the ship during our date." I say I do believe I was having fun with this lark. I pointed to Vivi. "That's his, ah, son, who's a bit shy but then again he has a twat head as a father."

I had actually loosely thought about a cover story when Zidane said he wasn't to be trusted. I'm not that adept at lying on the spot you know. Of course Steiner played his part perfectly.

"I will not tolerate this insolence!!" bellowed Steiner dramatically. I raised an eyebrow to Opello and he laughed in understanding.

"Where are you off to anyway? There's nothing but Evil Forest that way," said Zidane, breaking in before I got too carried away with my story telling. "Well.. and Alexandria but there's no way to get up that cliff."

"So they say so they say, but let's jus' keep it that way eh?" he said, tapping his nose. "Well! D'you 'ave any business with me lad before I go huntin' after me chocobo?"

"Yeah we do, can you get over here?"

Opello guffawed unflatteringly. "No mate! You wan' business you gotta come over 'ere."

"How on Gaia do you propose we cross the river?" snapped Steiner angrily.

"Swim?" he shrugged.

Zidane's tail stood straight up in the air at the prospect of that. Oh boy. He waved us over to Steiner so we could discuss it. I glanced at Garnet, and she looked simultaneously annoyed and amused. I didn't dare say anything in case I alerted the oh so wonderfully polite Opello to her presence.

I plonked my arse down and began tugging off my boots irritably. Zidane stared for a moment.

"What are you doing? You don't have to try and cross over y'know."

"That's the biggest load of bollocks I've ever heard," I said grumpily, kicking off the second boot. "It's obviously muggins here who's gonna have to do it! Steiner'll sink, and you look as fond of water as a rabid dog faced with a cure!"

"What about Vivi?"

"Master Vivi shall do no such thing!" Steiner barked.

"Shutup Rusty!" hissed Zidane. Steiner opened his mouth again. "Vivi's your _son _remember."

"Even if Vivi was the champion swimmer of the world I still wouldn't let him go in," I said, shoving my socks in the boots.

"Why's that then?"

"_Because. _And stop asking questions," I said, not looking at anyone.

"I.. I can swim Daisy," said Vivi quietly. I raised an eyebrow at him but didn't reply.

My gloves were off, so were my boots and shoes. I removed my sword and sheath; unless I wanted to get indecent I couldn't really take anything else off. I patted my pockets and handed over what little gil I had left to Zidane.

"I'll throw some gil to ya when you're on the other side," said Zidane.

"Oh you're such a gentlemen Zidane."

I grunted in a most unfeminine way and walked upstream a bit. The water didn't look safe, so far as speed was concerned anyway. I was a fairly alright swimmer but I had stopped swimming classes a few years ago, so I certainly wasn't as good as I used to be. I wandered up a few more steps to give myself some leniency so far as being dragged downstream was concerned.

I flapped my arms a bit and settled to the ground, shuffling myself down the small slope that led towards the river. I jolted as I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Don't worry, I've just got a plan," said Zidane, peering merrily down at me. It appeared that he had Vivi in tow as well.

"Like hell! I'm all ready to leap in."

"Look, Daisy, I have no problem with water, I just didn't want to get cold and wet."

"So you were gonna let _me _get my arse wet instead?"

"That's not the point," said Zidane. I thought it was an extremely good 'the point' the cheeky git. "Vivi can cast Blizzard! He can freeze the water so we can cross over."

"Blizzard?"

"Ice and stuff."

Ice and stuff, he really should win the human dictionary of the year award. Vivi looked down and mumbled something incoherent. I shuffled back up the slope so I wasn't precariously about to tip in.

"Wow Vivi. You can summon fire _and_ ice! That's really brilliant! Now I won't have to freeze my arse off! Give us a hug mate."

I stretched out my arms and Vivi sort of awkwardly tumbled into them. I gave him a good squeeze before relinquishing him. Zidane pointed to himself hopefully and I gave him a kick in the leg instead.

Back with Steiner again Zidane took Vivi to the edge of the river. Opello, who had been counting coins, looked up with slight interest. Zidane muttered something and Vivi nodded slowly. He outstretched his hands and concentrated. I jogged over to stand by them so I could watch.

Vivi made a motion with his hands and a large imperfect sphere of ice formed in the middle of the river. It then exploded into a haze of small shards. When they had disappeared a thick layer of ice had formed over the top of the river.

"Excellent!" declared Zidane, punching the air with victory. "Good job Vivi!"

"Th-thanks," mumbled Vivi, though he did sound quite pleased with himself. So he should be too!

"Here's your gil back Daisy," said Zidane, throwing me my coins. "I'm just gonna cross over and get some bits we need. Won't be a minute."

As he precariously shimmied over the slippery ice I pulled my socks and etcetera back on. I breathed a sigh of relief, grateful that I didn't have to get my clothes sodden. I was simultaneously relieved because we weren't going to die of dehydration anymore! That was a bugger though; I was looking forward to killing Zidane. Oh well, I was sure he'd give me plenty of excuses to do so later.

I glanced over at Steiner and Garnet. He was now settled on the ground, grasping his knees huffily. Garnet was leaning uncomfortably on his armour, looking up at the sky. She felt me looking at her and she looked my way. Her eyebrows rose in a silent question, and I just shrugged. She nodded and looked back at the sky, a frown set on her face.

I could faintly hear Opello and Zidane bartering it out behind the wagon. I was getting drowsy again, so I drew my knees to my chest and leant on them sleepily. It seemed as though I'd been dozing for only a few seconds when something hit me on the head.

"Oi! Hey what is it!" I barked.

"You wouldn't wake up when I said your name," said Zidane cheerily. "That's a waterskin for you by the way. Now you can't kill me!"

"Wanna bet?"

"Come!" declared Steiner. "Let us press on!"

The waterskin was large and bulging, seeing as Zidane had already filled it with water. It was obviously made from some part of some animal or monster, I didn't really want to think what, and it was topped with a sturdy cork. After much fiddling I managed to attach the waterskin to my belt.

I rubbed one of my eyes wearily and stumbled up. Zidane waved goodbye to the guffawing Opello. I hoped he would never find that chocobo of his, whatever a chocobo was. Maybe it was some sort of horse? Well it had to be something like that to pull a wagon.

When we got a decent way away from Opello Zidane seemed to relax. He motioned that Garnet could stop hiding behind Steiner like a shadow.

"How did you know that man was going to be there?" asked Garnet curiously.

"Oh, Opello? It's… a bit complicated."

"Ugh, just get on with it," I told him.

"Okay okay I'll try and simplify it. …A few days ago I met him in Lindblum right? He told me that he was going back home to Alexandria, where he lives, on foot. I…" He looked at Steiner and lowered his voice so he couldn't hear. "I know of the way to get to Alexandria over that cliff, and I knew he'd be sly enough to get past the gates."

"What are you whispering about?!" screamed Steiner. "Princess! Don't listen to those treacherous curs!"

I ignored him. "That was a bit of a long shot Zidane," I said frowning.

"But a long shot that _worked,_" he replied.

"Guess I can't argue with that logic," I laughed.

* * *

Blimey that was long wasn't it? I'm quite surprised that managed to make the journey from Evil Forest to Ice Cavern last so long, and as a matter of fact they haven't actually got anywhere near the cavern yet. Don't worry though, I won't bore you so much in the next chapter. They'll get there alright. Ohhhhhh they'll get there. Mwahahah. 

Couple of random bits. Quok's my evil toss-pot Qu from my short story Little NoTongue, but he's obviously grown up quite a bit. More importantly, we all want to see hot Qu action don't we? ... Or NOT. Moving on, Opello in my mind is kind of the anti-O'aka for those who have played FFX.

By the way you might like to have a wee peekaboo at my main page, there's a marvellously disturbing poll there. :3

You know the drill. Any questions, complaints, dealings, barbed wire juggling you just give us a buzz. Don't forget to review, reviews make me write faster, but then again you might not want that so in that case it's probably better if you don't review. I always appreciate reviews though, I love you, you lovely lovely people.


	8. Iceberg Slapped Arse

My GOD I feel old. I'm only onto chapter eight and I'm already bloody eighteen! Everyone rejoice in my new found maturity, just don't be too quick to correct me on that one. Anyway, just thought I'd let you know about my year closer to death, not that I expect any of you to care. Hell, _I _don't even care. I can legally buy booze now and that's about it, which is pretty pointless because I don't even like the stuff. Yes yes I know, shock shock horror. I think I'd explode with mayhem and madness if I ever decided to go and get meself pished. I suppose my wages go up a bit, but that's all going to go to pitts the minute I apply for uni. Oh woe is me.

Like I said though, no-one cares about this shizniz. What you should care about is this brand-spanking new chapter! Unless you're just here to mock, in which case I ought to warn you that my own Great Wit (note the capitol letters) can cut through walls like jelly. ... Don't try to test me on that one, you would only get hurt, really. I swear I'm just that hilarious and come-backy.

Anyway, onto the chapter!

* * *

Chapter eight - Iceberg Slapped Arse

It was late morning on day number three of our spectacular trek. I suppose overall I could have been worse, but I still felt extremely manky. I was greasy and awful, my feet hurt, I craved real food and I was prepared to kill for a comfy bed. Hell, I wouldn't be complaining even if I had an uncomfy one, at least it would be a bed! Worst of all, I hadn't had a single cup of tea in days! It was bloody torture I tell ya! _Torture!_

I also felt rather put out because my abilities in vanquishing monsters hadn't improved much. I wasn't expecting to turn into a samurai overnight, but I'd been hoping that with the amount of muu's and python's I had been attempting to slay, I would at least not get beaten up so much. I was a bit better with the python's, but the muu's appeared to have some sort vendetta against me and I could barely approach them. I think I had garnered more brain damage in those few days than my collective life's-worth of knocking my head. Garnet had to perform her white magic more than once on me as a result.

Over the days we passed the time with conversation; at least conversation that didn't infuriate Steiner into rageful spasms. Overall I came across as rather quiet, due to the fact I was so scared I would say something wrong or peculiar. Y'know, other than the peculiar things I made a habit out of saying anyway. I think I came across as rather guarded as well, seeing as I didn't share many stories or didn't say an awful lot about myself. I did give random little tales of peculiarity round the campfire though, silly made up stories and that sort of thing, as was my forté.

"And so it came to the monkey's last point of refuge. Brave volunteers lined the castle walls, shivering in the pouring rain, clutching their slippery spears in determination and fright.

_Bong. Bong. Bong. _

'They're here!' cried the watch-monkey, running back into the safety of the castle. Soon after Dorothy and her evil general's emerged from the darkness, the lightning illuminated their confidant and whimsical grins," I said dramatically with a lot of arm waving.

"W-will the f-flying monkeys be alright?!" squeaked Vivi, who would be chewing his fingernails if they weren't gloved.

"Ah you'll have to see Vivi. Not to say that the monkeys don't have a trick or two up their sleeves, but Dorothy even defeated Witch Spraggins didn't she?" I'd ran out of idea as to what to call the Witch of the West, so I'd said the first thing that came into my head. I should win an award.

Vivi eeped nervously and watched me, the glow of his eyes larger than usual. Zidane was listening with amused interest, his tail swishing about from side to side perkily. Garnet appeared to be enjoying my spazz-tarded tale, and Steiner seemed disapproving as per usual. Mind you, with stubble as awful as his, I'd be pretty irritable too. He really needed a shave.

I'd started my tale the previous afternoon, an incredibly mucked up tale of the Wizard of Oz. I'd always loved the flying monkeys so I made them the stars of that particular rendition. I loved the whole Wizard of Oz movie, but I was in a slightly cynical mood at the time so I completely reversed everyone's roles.

"Hey!" cried Zidane, interrupting my wonderful tale. "We're at the other side of the valley!"

He was right as well, the gritty brown of a mountainside loomed into view, towering above our heads. Also a darker patch could well be the actual cavern!

"Vivi! Vivi!" I whispered excitedly as I sidled closer to him.

"Y-yeah?" he stuttered.

"C'mon, let's peggit to the cavern! I bet we can beat the others!"

"B-but..."

"C'mooon! I'll give ya a piggy back ride even!"

"What's a piggy back ride?"

I stared at him gob smacked for a moment. What kind of deprived childhood did he have that excluded the existence of piggybacks?? It should be a punishable crime that. I knelt down on the ground, to the confusion of the others.

"Quick quick get on my back Viv!" I laughed. Vivi paused for a moment then climbed on. I grabbed his legs securely then leapt up. He whooped in surprise and I ran.

"See ya later slowpokes!" I taunted immaturely, rushing for the ever-clearer entrance of the cavern. Vivi laughed excitedly on my back, and I heard Steiner scream something about relinquishing his beloved 'Master Vivi'. I cackled gleefully as my feet pounded along the ground, dirt flying in my wake.

It was the first time I had heard Vivi laugh like that, and I simultaneously found it relieving and worrying. If I had been untalkative, then Vivi was practically silent. It had been difficult to start conversations with him. Not because he was deliberately being difficult, but he just didn't seem to have an awful lot to say on most subjects. From what I had managed to ween from him, it seemed he hadn't left his home very often and his experience of people was limited. Maybe that was why he was so polite; he hadn't seen what ass-hats people actually were.

As I thudded along Zidane had caught up to me, and ran effortlessly beside me. He shot me a cheeky grin and overtook me. Damnit would he stop being faster than me?

"Hey! Hey you.. you toss-bucket!!" I yelled in between pants. He just waved a hand and continued rushing for the cavern entrance. I forced myself to speed up, and I'd just caught up to Zidane again when he shot out of reach. Eventually my small passenger and I reached the entrance of the cavern. Cold air billowed out but I didn't care much about that, as I found myself on the floor panting, with Vivi looking at me in a troubled way.

"Are you o-okay Daisy?" he asked nervously.

"Y-yeah Vivs, I'm just an unfit cow is all," I said, staring at the visible cold air whooshing above me.

"You don't look like a cow…"

"I should hope not!" I cried sitting up. "…Anyway I wasn't being literal."

"O-oh, okay then. Thanks for the um, piggy back."

I grinned at him and looked behind me. Garnet finally arrived chuckling and looking slightly out of breath. She was shortly followed by Steiner, who proceeded to abuse my ears for the umpteenth time.

"How dare you disrespect Master Vivi like that!!" he bellowed.

"Mister Steiner?" said Vivi quietly. "I e-enjoyed it…"

Steiner didn't appear to have an awful lot to say to that, thank God. Another disaster quickly and wonderfully averted by Vivi. I realised it was easy to forget Vivi was a kid due to his astonishing magic, which helped immensely against the monsters, but Steiner took it too far sometimes.

"This must be the cavern…" said Zidane, half to himself. I rolled my eyes.

"What gave you the first impression?" I said sarcastically.

"That's not quite what I meant," he explained, turning to me. "The mountainside's probably riddled with caves, but I only know of one that goes straight to the other side."

"U-um…" Vivi mumbled.

"What is it Vivi?"

"Have you heard of the Ice Cavern?"

Oh for petes sake! Of all the bloody names to go with! Whoever went around and named these places should quite frankly be shot at dawn.

"…I've heard of it," said Garnet slowly. "It's a supposed to be a beautiful place, covered in ice." Oh you don't say? I thought it would be full of bubbling lava, but of course with a name as ambiguous as 'Ice Cavern' anything could be possible!

"My grandpa told me about this place. He said that the cavern takes travellers to the top of the mist." He looked rather downcast at bringing his grandpa up, and I remembered him saying that he had no parents or guardians. Steiner seemed incapable of reading other peoples emotions however.

"Bravo!" he applauded, and I winced. "Master Vivi's grandfather must be quite a scholar! We must thank him upon escaping the mist!"

"My grandpa used to teach me a lot of things, but he passed away…" he said quietly, not meeting anyone's eyes.

"Oh," said Steiner, looking regretful. Well that was a new expression for him; it took me a moment to figure out what it was. "Forgive my indiscretion."

Vivi shook his head. "Don't worry about it." I suppose Steiner wasn't to know but I still felt like kicking his butt. Oh wait, I perpetually felt like kicking his butt, never mind then.

"Well, why don't we go inside?" said Zidane, looking around at everyone.

"I can give three reasons why not," I said from my spot on the ground. I did like it down there. "Hell I can write up a whole list."

"Ahh c'mon Daisy. You've been moaning for a bed ever since we started. We quicker we get through here the quicker we can get to an Inn."

"That cavern must be minus wotsit degrees in there, and you said we'd be in there for a couple of hours! We'll be bleeding Popsicles! I may be British but that doesn't make me invincible to the cold." Actually that statement was probably completely wrong anyway. Britland wasn't exactly cold it was more just, crap. Constantly crappy weather; I certainly wasn't missing that.

"What is 'British'?" asked Garnet. Oh fuck_._

"It's um, slang. Yeah. You wouldn't get it even if I explained. Let's go then!" I said nervously, jumping up from my place. Zidane was looking at me speculatively. I suppose being an expert thief and liar allows one to spot the flaws in other peoples lies. Thankfully he didn't quiz me on the matter, but I was sure he'd add that to the list of strange things Daisy says.

"Not to mention this place has the crappiest name yet," I added with a grump. Zidane laughed and mentally added that to his list of strange things Daisy says. Hopefully it would take his mind away from the whole 'British' thing.

We stepped into the blue eerie glow of the cavern. The ground was slippery under my feet so I almost lost my balance. Vivi managed to lose his, but I was behind him so I caught him in time. After that I took a lot more care in my steps, with my arms slightly outstretched to help with balancing. Overall I probably looked really stupid, but I knew what it felt like to fall on ice, it_ hurt. _Mind you, ice-skating is so fun it really is worth falling on your rump.

Sadly our entering the cave had little to do with fun, more like a means to an end. The end hopefully being a nice warm bed (_and a cup of goddamn tea_) if I dare bring that up again. It was like walking into a giant refrigerator. I could already feel the chill on my arms, which visibly manifested itself in the form of goosebumps. My breath billowed in front of me and a slight breeze ruffled my hair.

"Oh what a beautiful place! Seeing the actual cavern in much better than reading about it," I heard Garnet sigh. I shimmied around to see her kneel beside a frozen flower. "How pretty… I wonder what kind of flower it is…"

She reached out to touch a petal, but Steiner had to ruin all the fun.

"Please Princess! Don't touch anything!"

Garnet nodded in understanding and stood up again. I didn't see how it could be dangerous really, seeing as it was covered in ice. It could well be an extinct species actually; depending on how long ago the cavern had been frozen.

I moved in closer as well and warily prepared to touch it. I snuck a quick glance at Steiner, who was watching but didn't leap to my possible rescue. I shrugged to myself and touched it.

"Ughf! I'm dying! Uugghh!! Arrr!! Oh the pain! The agony! The gut-wrenching terrible-"

"Can we get moving? I'm freezin' here," said Zidane, rubbing his arms.

"Oi! I'm dying here if it's all the same to you," I mock pouted.

"We really must be going," said Garnet with an indulgent smile. "You were very convincing though."

"Nim nim nimmy nim nim," I muttered.

"Pardon?"

"Nothin'," I said hurriedly looking a bit too shifty. Garnet however didn't think anything more of it. I mentally slapped myself for being so immature as we ascended a somewhat slippery slope. Jeez I embarrassed myself sometimes.

"How does that work anyway?" I asked out loud after a minute as we walked. I was clutching the icy wall to try and help, which didn't help at all actually but there we go.

"How does what work?" said Zidane curiously.

"The ice. I mean I don't understand where the cold is coming from." Okay so I wasn't making myself very clear, the chill was killing my thoughts okay? This is first assuming that my thoughts weren't already dead.

Zidane just shrugged. Either he didn't know, or he was too cold to give a damn. Maybe it was just a natural phenomenon to do with that world. Well, I'd stopped caring when Zidane shrugged anyway. There were a couple of ledges we had to climb over, as they were too high to jump up; at least for the vast majority of our group. Zidane leapt up quite easily and watched as my arms got frost bitten levering myself up.

I held my arms and hunched my shoulders bitterly as we traversed out onto what was basically an ice bridge. I call it that for want of a better description, but it was certainly a natural formation. I paused for a moment, but everyone else went to cross it so I followed suit. It was wide enough, but I didn't like the look of the dark drop that signalled the edges. I also didn't like the icicle stalagmites. If the fall didn't kill you, the stalagmites at the bottom certainly would.

I looked left and right cautiously. I betted anything that there would be monsters here. I wanted to clutch the handle of my sword but I was too chilly to even think about moving my arms. The others didn't look a lot better. I felt really sorry for Garnet; she was the least appropriately dressed out of all of us. She was shivering so much she seemed to be vibrating. If I had a jacket I would have offered it to her.

I heard a wet slapping noise behind me, which sounded absolutely disgusting. I shimmied around on the spot and saw… well I wasn't sure what I was seeing exactly. The first thought that came to mind was a lump of clear-ish silly putty that had just come out the tub, but with eyes. I heard squelching and lifted my eyes up to see two more silly putty monsters slop down from the icicles. I watched their fall to the ground, and they landed either side of the first one.

"It's a splodge!" I cried. I wasn't quite sure why I cried that, but next thing I got head butted.

I got knocked onto the ice and I can safely say it felt like someone had slapped my arse with an iceberg. I skidded along and clanked into Steiner's legs with an 'oof'.

"What do you think you're!?…" he started, turning around. Then he spotted the splodges, happily splodging away in victory in their splodge-tastic-ness.

"What the heck are they?" said Zidane, a vaguely repulsive but inquisitive expression on his face. I managed to get up again, though with difficulty.

"It's a fackin' splodge that just head butted me!" I told him indignantly, shooting them evils. Though my hands were feeling fairly slow and numb already I drew my sword, holding it with relish. I was pissed. How dare they cause pain to my fabulous rear! Wait…

"Stand back Princess!" ordered Steiner, his own weapon out and ready.

"I know what these are…" I heard her mutter, but she complied and stood behind us. She held her hands just in front of her, ready to perform any white magic if need be.

Steiner, being the attack first think later sort of man, charged across the slippery ice with a throaty yell. He sliced down into the splodge before it had time to react. Unfortunately his momentum carried him back the way we came and he tumbled down the slope we climbed up earlier. I felt myself wince with every metallic bang and thud, but I felt the insane urge to laugh as well. C'mon, who wouldn't?

I controlled myself however because we had much more pressing matters at hand. The abused splodge fell apart, like a delayed reaction anime thing with samurai's or ninja's or whatever. The top half splatted the ground and Zidane whooped. The victory was short lived however because the second half melded back into the splodge to reform it. Think liquid metal man from Terminator 2 and you'll get what I mean.

"What the heck?" said Zidane, repeating his earlier statement. The three splodges rushed towards us, two aiming for Zidane and one aiming for Vivi. I stepped sideways and confronted Vivi's one. It was too low for me to confidently attack with my sword, so I did the only thing I could think of and kicked it. My foot got enveloped in the creature, and I could feel the coldness seeping into my foot. The green eyes blinked at me and it started to traverse up my leg. Ew ew ew EW! I kicked again and the whole monster went flying, landing with a wet splat a little way off.

It slimed forward again, the landing not appearing to have done it any harm. I got ready to kick it again, but the flan leapt up to my face to attack me. I unwittingly watched its ascent into the air, and it caught my chin causing me to crash to the floor painfully. At least it didn't hit my face; I didn't really fancy sporting a broken nose. The ice stung my back and head; my ears ringing for a few moments as a result.

Zidane wasn't having a much better time than me. He'd somehow managed to keep the splodges at bay for a while, but one managed to get past his defence. He yelled out and started to turn after it, but the second splodge hit him in the stomach and he doubled over. Fire erupted near the second escaping monster but it was too fast, the fire leaving a puddle in the ice.

Though Garnet threw her arms up the splodge managed to hit her, sending her skidding along the ice. I cried out, and after slipping several times got up, ran towards her. I failed to notice the puddle of steadily re-icing water, so my leg flew up and I slammed into the wet, my sword escaping my grasp. I kept sliding and I knocked into Garnet, my foot catching the monster. I watched as it sailed over the ridge, down into the dark abyss beyond. Too bloody right as well.

"Take that yuh fuckin' splodge," I cheered, though somewhat dazed and cold. "Are you alright Garnet?"

"Y-yes I believe so," she said shakily, picking herself up from the frozen floor. "Oh! I know what it is now!"

"What is then?" I asked out of politeness. Personally I doubted knowing what it was would help the slippy slidey situation much. Still, doesn't the saying go 'know thy enemy'?

"It's a flan, they can only survive in cold climates. If they get too hot they practically fall apart. Even in room temperature it is unable to keep its form."

"Yeah but Vivi can't hit them," I said dejectedly, looking back at Vivi. He shot another fire attack at them but somehow they avoided it again, damn things. The area was covered in about half a dozen puddles, though they were freezing over pretty sharp-ish.

Then I remembered Evil Forest. Vivi was able to cast fire on our weapons... I couldn't believe I didn't remember earlier! Steiner finally re-emerged, looking disgruntled, battered, and extremely furious. I quickly looked around for my weapon, scrabbled for it, and held it firmly with my numb hands. I lurched up from the ice and called out to Vivi.

"Vivi! C-cast fire on my sword!"

"O-okay!" he called back, and after a moment the fire surrounded my blade. I almost melted in the warmth of it, but there wasn't time for that. I trotted towards the nearest flan, which was trying to get past Vivi's frequent bursts of fire. It didn't notice my approach until it was too late, and the blade had shot through it. The effect was immediate and it lost its shape, splashing to the floor. I was worried that once it got cold again, it would regain form. I didn't have time to wait and see what happened though.

"Master Vivi! Your assistance please!"

I spun around just in time to see Steiner doing what I did, slicing through the remaining flan with a fire-laden sword. When the flan was a safe dead puddle on the ice I let out a happy laugh of relief, and re-sheathed my weapon.

"Other there!" I heard Garnet cry. The third flan had somehow survived its tumble and was emerging over the ridge. As it was just about to succeed in its climb, Vivi hit it with a well-placed Fire spell, and that was the end of that stubborn bastard.

"Well done Master Vivi!" congratulated Steiner.

"Yeah good job Vivi! Seriously. ...Jeez I hurt like a bitch," I intoned, rubbing my head.

"I will not have you use such foul language!" bellowed Steiner, whose voice reverberated around the cavern. I tensed, half expecting to be showered in icicles. Seeing as no stabby ice related pain happened, I presumed all was well.

"Cool it Rusty," said Zidane, his eyes flicking up momentarily. "C'mon, let's keep moving, we'll be warmer that way."

"Hang on a moment," shivered Garnet, a white glow forming on her hands. I felt the pain ease away, and I was grateful for it. Though in many ways I would rather have been relieved of the cold than the pain, but there really wasn't much choice in the matter. Actually I doubted I would ever be warm ever again I felt so cold. I nodded to Garnet numbly and we started to walk.

Maybe it was just me, but it felt as though the wind was getting stronger as we walked. I could have sworn my hair had turned to ice, along with my eyebrows and lashes. The wind was bitterly sharp against my exposed skin, and I hugged myself harder, with no real affect.

"How's everyone holding up?" called Zidane from the front of our trek.

"How-how-how-how do you think?" stuttered Steiner irritably. I wondered if his armour conducted the cold.

"Well enough," replied Garnet, who was vibrating at an even faster speed. Vivi didn't say anything so Garnet nudged his shoulder slightly. He looked up at her and simply nodded, the poor thing. I wouldn't be surprised if his lips had frozen together, presuming he had them. I would have hugged him if my arms weren't frozen.

"Daisy?" asked Zidane when I hadn't said anything. I wanted to say something witty, but my mouth refused to go with my brain.

"F-f-fine."

We'd probably been dragging ourselves along for maybe fifteen, twenty minutes, though I wasn't completely sure because it felt like a lifetime. I was constantly looking around and up, paranoid of any more flan encounters.

Our journey hadn't been particularly easy either. The cave had no real solid path, so there was a fair bit of clambering and doubling back involved. Giant stalagmites riddled the path in places, making paths almost so small it was almost like walking a tightrope. We were concentrating on walking and keeping warm so much that not a word of conversation passed our lips.

"Oh… oh my goodness," I heard Garnet breath. I looked to where she was looking. There were two shapes in the ice; I couldn't quite make out what they were. I looked at the others. Steiner's face looked set and grim, Zidane looked on guard.

I looked back at the shapes, then blanched when I realised what they were.

They were bodies.

I looked away with a hand over my mouth. My brain didn't actually process that information until a few moments later, I was just glad I didn't see any detail. I found myself wondering what they had died of, and would we be privy to the same fate? I was thankful that my brain was frozen, and thus couldn't dwell on them too much.

"What are you do-do-doing?!" Steiner roared furiously. "How dare you disrespect the dead!!"

What was he doing, peeing on them? I turned around to find that (thank god) he was doing nothing of the sort. He was just examining them. I took care to look at Zidane rather than the bodies.

"Looks like a combination of harsh wounds and the cold killed them," said Zidane slowly, turning away himself. He looked pale; then again that could have been a result of the cold. "Looks like there may a monster with tusks in this cavern, s-so be on the lookout."

Vivi didn't look particularly happy. His eyes seemed glued to the bodies. I shuffled over to him, not really sure of what I was going to say.

"W-what are they?" he asked.

"…" Oh I was so grateful right then. "Uh, nothing really Vivi, l-let's just keep moving, al-alright?"

Crisis averted thanks to the outrageously awesome powers of Daisy! Vivi nodded and took step behind me. We walked on a little bit, and I felt wind breeze through my hair from the left. That was odd, all the wind was coming from in front of me. That particular Vivi-related crisis from earlier was swiftly replaced by a new, even worse one.

"The wind lays out their path!" said a voice, though it was not what you might think. The voice was feral, deep and growly, and it merely seemed to be imitating the words as opposed to actual fright, or even understanding what they meant. A blue furry beast walked out from behind the next corner.

"Get out of my way!" declared another, also coming out from around the corner.

"I don't want to die!" said the first one.

"Their last words…" I heard Zidane breath. So it was these mockingbird beast things that killed those people! That point was made obvious from the moment I laid eyes on them, due to the fact they were armed with lethal tusks. I looked at them feeling furious, apprehensive, and scared.

At which point beast number one threw all conversation to the wind and charged.

There was a loud clang as daggers and tusks met. Zidane had managed to whip them out in time to save being hit. Maybe it was the age of the beasts or something, but their tusks didn't exactly look up the job of goring anything. They were so long and curved that if they got much longer it would be digging into their skulls, literally.

Mind you, that didn't necessarily mean they were any less lethal. They could quite easily knock us off the ledge. The edge was a reasonable way away, but the ice was so slippery the distance may as well have been inches.

Zidane wrenched as hard as he could, and forced the monster back a little bit. As he did so the second one ran our way. Steiner swung his sword down; but the monster outmanoeuvred him, the sword crashing into the ice. Instead it headed for the smallest of our group, Vivi. Neither he nor anyone else had time to react; the best knocked him into the air like a rag doll.

"Vivi!" I screamed. Yeah like that was gonna help. I could only watch as he sailed through the air. He hit the ice with a dull painful thunk. As he skidded, Garnet leapt for him, and they sailed towards the precipice.

Vivi flew of the edge but Garnet had his leg, and though he hit the vertical tower of ice he certainly didn't fall to his doom. Garnet was really lucky she didn't go over the edge as well, but she appeared to be having difficulty with bringing him up and keeping her hold on him. I made to help but a snort made me spin around.

One beast seemed more than enough for Steiner and Zidane, it seemed that neither had noticed our plight. The second monster was getting ready to charge, quite ready to send all three of us cascading to our deaths. I drew my sword with shaking hands, my breaths short and painful.

I aimed the point of my sword towards the beast, which was probably totally wrong but I simply could not think of what to do. The beast actually laughed, and hunkered down to get more streamlined. For some reason I related it to a gorilla, because it's front legs were longer than its back. Wait a minute; what the fuck was I thinking about? I wasn't gonna give a helluva damn about its anatomy if it killed me!

"Pull him up! _Quickly!_" I told Garnet as it charged, the panic rife in my voice. The beast wasn't fool enough to charge straight into my sword, instead at the last minute it swerved and came at my side. I'd half been expecting that though, and I threw myself forward. I slapped onto the ice painfully, the cold biting and stinging. The beast swivelled on. It dug its hooves in, skidding along the ground. It turned around to glare at me; it's breath billowing angrily in front of it.

I took a quick glance at Garnet and Vivi. Vivi was nearly back on horizontal ground, but it was still a precarious situation. The beast had somehow picked up on this fact, and it turned its attention to them. I scrabbled up and clanged my sword on the ground.

"Oi you furry fuck! Over here!" I taunted. I don't know what it was, whether it was the words or the tone or even the mere shouting, but it turned its attention back to me. I was immediately feeling regretful.

I kept its gaze and started to edge back. It crawled forward slowly, growling and huffing. It eyed my sword every now and again. My foot felt the edge of the precipice and I stumbled, but managed to keep my balance. I held my sword to the side that time, watching the monster carefully. It reared its ugly head in a roar, and charged forward. I bent my legs in anticipation; and at the last moment I threw myself to the side.

The monster shrieked as it tried to turn, hooves scrabbling for a hold. It wasn't enough for it to stop flying over the edge. However as one last act of hatred it caught my leg with a tusk. I yelped and got dragged over the edge. The sword slipped from my grasp and there was nothing to hold onto.

My breath caught in my throat when I found I wasn't touching anything. It was just me and the air. Just when I thought I was going to share the same fate as the beast, a hand grabbed onto mine. My fall was brought to an abrupt stop, my feet dangling in the air. I looked down to see beast meet its death against the icicles. I remembered to breath again and I looked up into the face of my saviour.

Aside from Steiner's perpetually existing frown that was spattered with blood, he looked as though he was regretting what he just did. Threatening to execute me then go on to save my life kind of contradicted itself didn't it? Or maybe he was saving me for the gallows. I didn't really notice either way, seeing as I was feeling euphoric that I was alive at all.

"Th-thanks, ohhh thank _you,_" I said with breathless happy relief, smiling inanely at him.

He blinked for a moment before saying, "Give me your other hand." Wow! Did I feel blessed or what? Well, at least he didn't drop me or yell at me. I suppose that could be taken as a complete personality revamp. I hoped it would last.

I reached my other hand up and he took that firmly. His gauntlets were so ruddy freezing I nearly yanked my hand away. Eventually I wasn't dangling inches from an inevitable death but back on solid, if icy ground.

"I'm aliiiiive," I squeaked joyously, finding my feet. "Yay …I fucking hate this place. …Are you two alive?" I asked Garnet and Vivi.

"We a-are well," said Garnet. "I thank you."

"Naaaah, without y-you Vivi'd be as happy as that fuzzy thing down there." I was quite surprised at her actually. I guess I didn't expect her to be so… athletic? To be honest I'd just been expecting her to stand there screeching, waiting to be saved. Well I was glad to be proved wrong.

Garnet just smiled and shook her head humbly, or was it numbly? I looked at Zidane and found him blood spattered, but well. I could see the other beast, steam rising from the dripping blood. It appeared to be missing a tusk, and perhaps a few other things, but at least it was definitely dead.

"L-let's go," said Zidane through chattering teeth and blue lips. "The sooner we're outta here the b-better."

"Hear hear," I muttered.

Okay the wind was definitely getting stronger. My eyes had turned to slits so I wouldn't get poked in the eye by hail. Just because I wore glasses didn't mean hail couldn't hit me. There were two directions we could go in, one of which had a blizzard coming from it, and the other seemed a lot calmer but less bright. Probably a dead end.

"This way," said Zidane, cocking his head towards the blizzard. "It sh-should lead us out."

"Could…" started Garnet, but then seemed to stop in her objections.

"What is it Princess?" asked Steiner.

"Could w-we check the left p-passage a little? We-we have a letter to deliver," she explained, looking at me. I slapped my head in remembrance, and then quickly wrapped that arm back round myself.

"Yeah! The-the m-moogle who gave us the flute a-asked us to take it," I said.

Zidane shrugged. "Alright, we'll have a quick look."

We meandered down the left pathway, and there wasn't very far to go. The dead end was in the form of a round room, with sunlight peeking in through an artificially made hole in the ceiling. Frozen flowers surrounded a downsized cute little cottage, which even had a small gate and letterbox at the front. It all looked frozen over. What was definitely frozen however, was the moogle stood just in front of it. It was encased in a thick block of ice, distorting the view of the moogle.

Zidane approached it and peered at it long and hard.

"I c-can't tell properly…" he said slowly. "B-but the moogle could well still be a-alive. Come here a minute Vivi."

Vivi made a small squeaking sound of surprise, but went over anyway.

"D'you think y-you can melt the ice to free the m-m-moogle?" These conversations were going to take all day with all the cold stuttering.

"I can t-try," he replied nervously. Zidane stood back as to not get in the way, and Vivi summoned up his magic.

A thousand things flew through my mind then. What if he went too far and the moogle was burnt to a crisp? What if the moogle hadn't survived being frozen? When you're frozen doesn't your blood freeze and puncture the veins or something? What if he needed medical attention? Oh wait we have a white mage…

None of things left my lips and Vivi proceeded to cast his magic on the ball of ice. It melted astonishingly quick, revealing the trapped moogle. He jumped up as soon as he was clear of ice.

"Owww! Hot hot HOT! YOU BASTARDS!!" he yelled. Well I didn't see that coming. "…Oh! I'm free kupo! Thank you thank you kupo!"

"Glad to be of service," bowed Steiner.

"You d-didn't do anything," shivered Zidane.

"Are you th-the moogle who goes by the n-name of Mois?" asked Garnet politely, hopefully avoiding another argument.

"Why, yes kupo!" he said, looking at her curiously.

Garnet took a few minutes to fumble with her bag, and after a long slow moment managed to hand the letter over to Mois. He opened it up, obviously not being as frost bitten as us, and began to read.

"Really kupo? … …Hmm …Really now …No way she's dating him! …Mognet's on the fritz? That explains a lot kupo…" We watched him as he muttered about his letter. I wasn't quite sure why we didn't bugger off straight away. Were we planning on skinning him for his fur? I wouldn't be complaining. "Kupo, are you heading to the village?"

"Y-yeah," I said simply. I glanced over at Steiner who may well not approve, but I don't think he heard. He was a bit busy pacing, trying to keep some modicum of warmth.

"Could you deliver a letter to Gumo kupo?" he asked. I looked at the others, who didn't seem to hold any objections.

"Sure," I replied.

Mois went to the front of his home. He wrestled with the doorknob, and after a moment I heard the cracking of ice and he managed to enter his home. After hearing a few shrieks about how cold it was he came back out with a letter. He shouldn't have been complaining, he had fur! Precious precious warm fur... I was freaking myself out with those disturbing thoughts. He handed the letter to me, and I passed it to Garnet who had the only means of carrying such a thing. Plus figuring my state of mind I might have tried to eat it.

"How d-did you get frozen anywa-way?" asked Zidane curiously.

"I don't know kupo! I heard footsteps, and the next thing I knew I was trapped in the ice," he looked around, rubbing his own small furry arms. "It's not normally this cold kupo, at least not here." He pointed to the lavish array of flowers surrounding his. "These aren't normally frozen y'see kupo, the sunlight and my magic sees to that."

I would normally have thought that being suddenly encased in a block of ice was rather suspicious, but the only thing I could think about was how cold I was. We said our hurried, chattering goodbyes, and tried not to run away too fast. No no we weren't fleeing from the moogle, we just wanted to go asap!

We skidded regretfully down the blizzard laden path, my eyes practically closed due to the windy onslaught. We had to lean forwards ever so slightly as well, the gale was that strong. I couldn't see anything as my feet trudged in fresh snow, and I accidentally walked into the back of Zidane, who for some reason had stopped.

"Hurry up Vivi or you'll g-get left behind!" yelled Zidane over the torrential rushing of the gale.

I turned around, and because the wind wasn't in my face I could open my eyes a little more. Vivi might have replied, or might not have, but he was stubbornly heading forwards. The glow of his eyes was minute. When he had gotten a little further the rest of the gang turned around and kept heading straight into the blizzard.

Unfortunately forwards wasn't towards us but towards a small drop. I looked around at the others retreating then back to Vivi. I cried out but either I was too late in my warning or it got swept away by the wind. Either way he went straight over the ledge and landed shortly afterwards with a quiet flump.

"Master Vivi!" cried Steiner, staggering to him as fast as one could without bending their knees. "Are you alright?!"

Well that was the most stupid question you could possibly ask I thought. I watched frigidly as Steiner approached Vivi. He was a bit too close to the edge for comfort really. I started to voice my opinion and Steiner turned, but he somehow managed to lose his balance and tumble over with a reverberating clank.

"Vivi!" I shrieked, jogging over myself. I didn't give two grapes about Rusty, but he might well have squashed Vivi! It turned out that he hadn't.

"Yo Rusty!" yelled Zidane, who was right beside me. "You're… not alright are you?"

He leapt down and gave Steiner a well-deserved kick. He said something but I couldn't hear him from over there. My limbs felt like they were losing the steady battle to remain upright and my eyelids were beginning to flutter. With an effort I wrenched myself upright, but then a soft flump just behind me signalled Garnet's loss of consciousness.

"Oh b-b-b-bugger."

Zidane was re-approaching, and I think he said something about Garnet and what happened to everyone. I wasn't too sure, maybe because my ears were full of hail. My eyelids fluttered unwillingly as I tried in vain to fight the sleep that was sweeping over me.

"Are… you alright?" asked Zidane apprehensively. Why does everyone ask that question when it's painfully obvious being alright is so not the case?

"I do believe," I giggled deliriously, "that it could _very well _be hypy... hpya... hypyhoha... hypothermia and it's f-f-fan-bloody-tasticano." I shot him a whimsical smile, just before I lost consciousness.

.

..

…

_tingle_

_tingle tingle_

"Ugh, what's that sound?" murmered Zidane groggily as he recovered consciousness. He was just as cold as he was when he had fallen asleep, perhaps even colder, and part of him just wanted to settle back down in the snow. He couldn't-mustn't do that though, not with everyone else was unconscious around him. The Princess, Daisy, Vivi, and Rusty. They were all covered in snow. How had this happened, and just how long had they all been out? Daisy had said something about hypothermia he recalled, whatever that was. Then again she was pretty out of it, if she was ever with it in the first place.

He wrenched himself out of the snow and brushed off the good amount that had gathered on his clothes. He could barely bend his fingers, and it was unpleasant to do so.

tingle

There was that sound again. Maybe it had something to do with the blizzard. Well, he had to try and find out how to stop the blizzard one way or the other, there wasn't an awful lot he could do for the others by himself. He looked back at them briefly, and headed straight into the wind, his arms clasped to his sides. As he walked he kept moving his fingers, hoping they would regain a little warmth and mobility. Just because they were all frozen he thought wearily, didn't mean any potential monsters were going to be any less lenient.

The tingling sound was getting louder, and the wind stronger. Was somebody there? Someone or something must have been ringing that bell. Before him he saw a frozen waterfall, his gaze running up it where sat-

"Why haven't you fallen asleep?" demanded a harsh, somewhat high-pitched voice. Someone was residing at the top of the waterfall, his hands in front of him casting magic. Lowered them the blizzard ebbed away into nothing; he shifted on the spot and cocked a curious head. "…You should be dead by now."

"Are you…" Zidane started, and then rethought his words, the conclusion already forming solidly in his mind. "You're the one causing th-this blizzard aren't you!!"

His voice reverberated around the area just as the figure leapt from his perch. He dropped to the floor, landing smoothly as a result of the wings on his back. He looked up at Zidane with amused eyes, and cackled. Zidane was surprised to see that the winged mage resembled Vivi, with a dark hidden face and glowing eyes; even vaguely similar attire. Racking his brains he hadn't seen anyone like Vivi until their first encounter on the theatre ship, and he had certainly met a lot of 'interesting' people in his excursions.. This… person however held none of the innocence Vivi had. His eyes were malevolent slits, and he had clawed purple hands, one of which held a bell.

"Keeheehee! You're right there silly human. Perhaps you're all not as stupid as you look. …Allow me to introduce myself," he said lithely, performing a mocking bow," Black Waltz one. It is rather fitting, that I should be the last thing you see before you _die._"

He dangled his little bell mockingly at Zidane, and he could feel himself grow angry. He grabbed both of his daggers and wrenched them out of their sheathes, forcing his creaking joints to attain a fighting stance. The Black Waltz laughed again at him unworried.

"Ice Giant Sealion," he intoned, waving his free hand under the bell. It glowed, and Zidane didn't like the look of it one bit. This Black Waltz character was an idiot if he thought Zidane was just gonna stand there and watch. He had to stop whatever he was up to!

He ran towards him as fast as he could, but he was too far away and not fast enough. Spikes of ice flew up in front of him, causing him to stumble and retreat. He could only watch as the spikes exploded, showering him in chunks of ice. When he lowered his arms...

What. The. Hell.

And he thought he was going to have enough trouble with just the Waltz.

Zidane had to creak his neck to see up high enough. The monster looked like a giant armoured serpent, equipped with sharp looking fins. It looked as though it was carved out of the ice itself, and it may as well have been because Zidane could see the cold radiating off of it even in this already freezing place. Its ribs were prominent, and they harboured a strange blue glow.

"Go Sealion!" cried the Waltz elatedly from behind his protection. That was his game was it? Get others to fight his battles. Well thought Zidane, he'd show him. He _had _to show him. His friends were counting on him even if they weren't aware of it; and he was the only one who could do anything about these threats. At least the Waltz had stopped summoning up that blizzard. Zidane just hoped they would survive until he beat the monster. He gripped his daggers harder and wrapped his tail around himself.

The Sealion slithered forwards, aiming one of its ginormous wings at him. Zidane drove his daggers into it, but got knocked into the air. It didn't actually hurt that much, probably something to do with being so cold and numb. Though he managed to land upright on the ground, unfortunately he'd lost grip of his daggers. He could see them, still embedded in the Sealions wing. His attack didn't seem to have fazed it at all. In fact, he wasn't sure if the Sealion still realised the daggers were in there.

He felt a buzzing around him, the buzzing of magic.. MOVE!

He rolled away just in time from a Blizzard spell. He did not need to be any colder than he already was! Most importantly, he needed to get back his weapons. But how? Without getting beaten up anyway.

Back at Evil Forest... Zidane had a brief vision of Daisy leaping at the plant cage thing. It almost seemed like a lifetime ago, as hilarious as it had been.

The Sealion roared a gargling roar that shook the ground and caused icicles to ring. This time Zidane made the first move, and ran straight towards it. He was so stiff it took a real effort to do this, but somehow he got his frozen legs to work. Again the wing came down to slap him, but he dodged and wrapped his tail around one of the 'fingers'.

The flipper whipped up so fast he thought his tail had been yanked off. He winced but swung himself up so he was gripping the finger. He rubbed his rear briefly and scrabbled quickly up to the head before the Sealion could even think about throwing him off. He held on firmly to each side of the armoured plate that protected its head. The back of the creature was covered in icicle like projections, and its tail split into two. Zidane didn't like the look of the fins, which were long, sharp and lethal.

"Keeee hee hee heee!" screeched the Waltz. Zidane switched his gaze to him, and the Waltz swung his bell. Surely he wouldn't cast magic while Zidane was on his precious Sealion?

Zidane's thoughts were proved wrong and the buzz of magic shimmered around him. The Sealion was moving around too much for him to dodge the attack and not fall off, so he would just have to endure it. He closed his eyes tightly and held his breath as the ball of ice formed on him. It shattered moments later and he gasped as the cold bit into him painfully.

He gritted his teeth and began to move towards the other wing, which came up to slap him the face. The pain cut deep into his cheek as much as the cold did. He hissed and lost his grip, rolling sideways. His tail wrapped around one of its icicles so he didn't fall off, and he used the momentum of his fall to swing himself back up. He could taste blood in his mouth. Surely it hadn't cut that deep? Jeez he hated this.

With a grunt Zidane slid down the opposite arm, grabbing his daggers and wrenching them out of the Sealions fin. He fell to the ground, rolled, and jumped up again. He skated along a bit but managed to stay upright. He glanced at his daggers briefly; there was no blood on them or anything. Just how thick was its skin? Or armour even?

He took a few steps sideways, keeping an eye on the Sealion. He swallowed, though his throat was dry and to do so was painful. He could see the Waltz; maybe he could get to him.

The Sealion saw where Zidane was looking and instantly moved to encounter him. Zidane leapt over an attacking wing and skidded off a little, his feet leaving grooves in the ice and trails in the snow. He then dashed for the Waltz.

"Here I come!" he yelled, smiling confidently. Unfortunately the Waltz somehow pre-empted his attack and summoned up a concentrated gale, shooting Zidane into the tail of the Sealion. It felt him collide with it and went to slice Zidane with the fin of the tail.

"Woah!" he cried, barely ducking under the swinging appendage in time. He shifted out from underneath and tried to get some distance between the living killer ice monster and him. He ran straight in a Fire spell.

Flames licked up Zidane's right side and he yelled out in pain and shock. Remember how freezing he was? Then imagine dunking the freezing into a volcano. Not pleasant. He fell to the floor, skidding along the ice and into a snow drift a ways off. The snow did little to cease the pain in his arm, and if anything it made it worse. Well, at least he was away from the Sealion.

After quickly looking up to make sure he wasn't going to get attacked any time soon, Zidane shoved his non-burnt hand in his pocket. After a little rummaging he came out with a potion, uncorked it, and swiftly drank it down. He tossed the empty bottle into the snow. The familiar sparks of the potion working tingled up his arm and along his cheek. That was a lot better, time for another shot.

The belly didn't look as protected as the rest of the Sealion, presuming Zidane could reach it. His limbs felt a bit looser from running about atop the Sealion.

He darted towards it, his arms and daggers at his side. A fire spell hit the ground in front of him. He managed to swivel on one foot to avoid it, but the other foot got singed. He had to ignore the pain, and was thankful he'd kept his tail wrapped around himself. He didn't want to think about the consequences otherwise.

He kept going. The Sealion roared and waved its wings in a very specific motion, and Zidane leapt over a low aimed Blizzard spell. His foot twinged as he landed, but he was so much closer to the belly. Another wing slapped down but he threw a dagger at the fleshier part. The Sealion roared angrily and the wing shot away, leaving its belly exposed. Zidane ripped his dagger through the belly as hard as he could, and again, and again. The Sealion roared in pain.

He hadn't anticipated the second wing so he was shocked when he was sent flying into the wall. He almost thought his bones had broken he'd collided with it so hard. Just as well he was made of tougher stuff.

Zidane prized himself from the wall grinning. He'd got in a good hit, and he still had a hold of the dagger that had done it. He looked at it briefly, noticing it was covered in a strongly coloured blue blood. He flicked his gaze back to the Sealion and readied himself in case it charged.

The gashes he had made in the belly were wide and bleeding profusely. The Waltz made a movement and a Blizzard spell was cast on the wound. What was he playing at? Zidane groaned audibly as he watched the wound seal up, almost as though he'd used white magic on it. This was just not his day.

The Waltz cackled delightedly at his expression, his glowing eyes flashing.

"It's useless!" he cried joyously. "You are a complete _fool! _You cannot possibly defeat Sealion while I am here!"

Zidane made a face. He may as well have been waving a red flag that said 'kill me' on it. Unless of course it was part of a trap or plot? No, surely not. It was probably overconfidence, something he saw in Blank a bit too often when they sparred.

...Blank.

There wasn't time to think about him, he had to concentrate. He would be fine; he wasn't in any danger, as much as he had worried about him in the aftermath of Evil Forest. Right then Zidane _was_ in danger, along with the others, so he had to stay focused.

Focused.

Focused...?

Wait, what the heck was that?

* * *

Behold, the not-so cliff hanger of.. something! Great Wittage striketh again.

You should know the drill by now, shower me with reviews and I shall try my utmost to eat all of Tabansi's cookies. Because then if I do so, I will get fat, and not be as gorgeous as I so obviously am, and so you lot can feel happy in the knowledge that there's a great big fat fuck on the other side of the computer. A talented fuck it has to be said, but at least I wont have my looks.

Okay okaaay please don't hurt me. ;.;

Hopefully the next chapter wont be too long in coming, but I'm just giving you the heads up because my USB pen's gone walkies. It holds the only copy of IGID chapter nine in existance. Problem is if I don't locate it I shall have to re-write chapter nine for the FOURTH TIME, and that just hits me right in the stomach. I shall however try my utmost to locate it, and if not hopefully your reviews will inspire me enough to tackle writing it again.

Hugs and kisses people! :D

ADDITIONAL!

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K.V.H.

Tabansi232

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armless-phelan

They've all written absolutely fantastic SIs, and I'm sure most of them have updated recently. I'm showing my love by this awful, but free, advertisement. .


	9. Final Note

Unfortunately folks I don't think I'll be able to continue with this

Unfortunately folks I don't think I'll be able to continue with this. I shant blither on but I've managed to lose this chapter of grand total of five times (you'd thought I'd have learnt the first time wouldn't you?) and try as I might I can't even concoct a reasonable first paragraph for attempt six. Unless my USB magically turns up or I regain the will to write again it doesn't look as though there'll be a chapter 9 in coming, and it's too important a chapter to conveniently skip.

'Snot all bad though, now I can actually catch up with everybody else's SI's, and I can get on with some other FFIX related projects I wanted to attempt. Only thing I regret is that I never got far enough to cameo all my favourite SI's! I'll probably just sketch up some fanart instead, heh.

I'm awful at this lark, but I just wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone who actually enjoyed my story up to this point, all your reviews meant a lot to me. I'm surprised I got as far as I did, though I really wanted to get a lot further. Never mind though eh? Go read all the author's I threw at you last chapter.

Much love people.

The Newt


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